The order's rules are very clear: man, woman, child or Beaver. It doesn't matter what you are as long as your beard is of quality. That is the first rule and we take it very seriously. In fact, our forebears, the ones who started our order, were the first to acknowledge the lustrous beard of the great father beaver.
Which brings us to rule number two. We judge not by the beard alone, but by the one behind the beard. A beard of quality is excellent, but if the one whose face the beard graces is not worthy, it is a true sin.
Which is why Roll Three is so important. We welcome only those blessed by a beard of excellent quality, not just anyone will do. If you are blessed with an excellent beard but a terrible soul, we will not welcome you. In fact, we will ask that you shave your beard because even if you have a beard of great benevolence but it is of terrible quality, it brings great shame to the beard that rests upon your face.
These three rules will bring our order, well, to order. These fools fail to understand. Their first impression is always the beard then there personality. If someone within a magnificent beard meets another, their first thought is nice. Beard but if that person's a prick, they'll immediately associate the beard with bad people which ruins our image.
Like it or not people are simple creatures. First and second impressions are that much important to them. They can like your looks but immediately Mark you off by their second impression if they hate something about you and once they decide they hate you, they decide that they hate the first impression. Instinctually. Like if a kid buys a bb gun then takes out one of their eyes with it. They will naturally grow to dislike the BB gun.
In my 50 years as an inspector I have seen many unqualified beards from those who do not properly groom their beards to those who hey, someone else to care for them? Such irresponsible fools. Then there are those with such excellent well-maintained beards that they care for themselves. But they treat those around them like trash giving us of the order a bad name. They are just as guilty as the others.
Much like a child just cause you can grow one doesn't mean you are worthy. To grow a beard you not only need time, you must wash it regularly. Find the appropriate care treatment so as not to damage the hair, comb it in the morning and brush it in the evening regularly. Inspect your beard and for any damages and moisturize it with the proper formula so as to avoid UV rays. As standards go, if you have $8,000 to buy hydrophobic spray for some imported vehicle, you have $500 for proper care and treatment items to assure the quality of your beard after all, unlike a car which is with you only when you travel, a beard is with you throughout life and therefore holds a greater impression.
I once did an inspection on a man from our order. He was a college professor who was driving in a death trap judging from the school he goes to and the quality of his pay and especially how luxurious his beard was. I knew he was getting a great income so I wondered why his car was so poor. When I asked the man he said that as an educator he only gets so much and as a member of the order he knew the choice was clear beard before anything else, he did not hesitate to spend more on treating the quality of his magnificent beard then on one vehicle. In his own words he said if it can get me from point A to point b that's fine. But if I have even one stray hair on my beard, it will ruin the image I have as an educator.
The day I met that man I truly shed tears. What a wise member to truly understand the importance of a beard rather than waste money on pointless things.
Of course there is also monsters like one stock broker I met. He had lost himself in drugs. Spent every last. Penny, I could tell the man was entitleds because not only one but five stray hairs sticking out of his beard. It hadn't seen a comb in weeks and clearly was dry showing no signs of shampoo or conditioning, not even oil. What a monster! When I saw this man I instinctually gave him a look of disgust. I didn't even continue the inspection. I just told him to shave your beard and laughed. I then filed an immediate motion to kick him out of the order. People like him are things we do not endorse.
Remembering it gives me chills. People like that should be thrown in jail. How could anyone allow such a creature to have a beard? Funny enough after seeing that man, I went to get coffee to forget the moment and I met a nice female barista with a large quantity of peach fuzz true. It was small in number of hairs but the quality was excellent The agenda personality came off as wonderful. Of course it was just a short interaction but I almost instinctually gave her an invitation to join our order. Too bad bad. The rule state a beard must be so many inches before qualifying for an individual to be welcome.
Another case had brought me all the way out to the boonies. Apparently one of our members had gone recluse. The higher ups were worried about him and wanted me to check on the condition of him and his beard.
Just one look and I knew the man was a mess. His beard looked like an unkept Bush. Deep shadows under his eyes. He hasn't been sleeping and Dustin crumbs scattered all across the surface of beard the disrespect. It still has its its Sheen so this is not on purpose. Perhaps he was just doing some demanding work and I caught him at a bad time cabin looks like it's seeing better days and his bathroom sink carries all the products in need for a healthy beard comb brush oils, even aftercare products, handle oils. These are all clear signs that he hasn't forsaken his beard.
I eventually concluded we just had personal things to work out and reprimanded him on the importance of beard appearance. Even if you're working hard. You should never let people see your beard in anything, but its best.
It's like I said people just don't understand the importance of beard and and care and maintenance. Just cuz you can grow a beard doesn't mean you know what it takes to maintain it. Man, woman, child or beaver to have a beard is to have a great responsibility. Not all are worthy.