It's cold here, so cold.
My eyelids felt heavy as I slowly opened my eyes. I looked everywhere as soon as I fully gathered my awareness and what stretched for miles around me is water—endless water.
I moved my hands around, it feels light, more like vapour than absolute liquid.
"FIVE!" the water moved violently along with the voice, one I'm all too acquainted with.
I held my breath and started paddling my hands and feet, swimming up to the light.
"FIVE!" the voice echoed again and the water slammed right to me, pushing me hard to the side. I held my breath and continued paddling.
"FIVE!" I paddled faster.
"FIVE!" I didn't look back.
"FIVE!!"
I gasped for air as soon as I woke up, the darkness faded and the warmth of the light covered me almost instantly.
"Gosh Five, you're gonna get us both fired" EJ crashed right back to the ground, sweating and pale. I'll assume that he was busy shaking and shouting me back to reality all this time.
"Thanks dude, I'll get you a portphone once I become rich" I said patting his back.
"I didn't know being delusional is an effect of your seizure" he brushed a hand through his long hair, cleaning the strands off his face "You wanna get up?"
I nodded and stretched a hand out, he grabbed it and slowly pulled me, his hand on my back, guiding me up.
I sat on the chair nearby and drank from my water container on the desk, my eyes roamed to EJ's blueprint shown by the holotable.
"You're planning on making an arsenal bot?" I looked at him after putting down my water container.
"An all around arsenal bot" he corrected "I'm thinking on giving up on it though, too many missing areas to fill up. It's a shame actually, this would've work out like magic"
"You've live 28 years in this world and yet you still believe in things like magic? Oh what would your father say?" I leaned in, smirking to taunt him.
"Maybe something like 'ERON JUNE ALAN WHERE IN THE SOVEREIGN DID YOU HIT YOUR HEAD!? YOU'RE GOING WAY OVER THE STARS BOY!" I clutched my stomach, slapping my lap from laugher as he mock his father's voice, moving around in a curve back with a finger pointed out, scolding the air.
"Bringing back great memories huhh?" I snickered.
"I would love to think back for the time he chased you down with a large machete all around the Civit" he glowered back.
"I would love for that time to come back" I chuckled lightly.
"Yeah right, as if you weren't peeing yourself while running away from him" he scoffed
"ALL ENGINEERS PLEASE REPORT TO THE PIONEER FOR THE EXPEDITION ASSESMENT" the audiochip behind our ear spoke in an alarming tone. Finally, I've been waiting since last month for this announcement.
"Remind me why they keep doing this by the way" I stood up, hoping to get a comment.
"Murder for their sake and then call it an honourable death" he smirked and followed behind me.
"Right, almost forgot about that"
We walked our way into the hall, the windows showed a whole green field out there, grass and mountains stretching far and wide. Engineers are always an isolated bunch after all.
"Hey Five" EJ nudge me on the side.
"Hmm, What is it?"
"1 o'clock, brunette. It's flat nose" he whispered, I followed the direction that he said, and just a few steps away is Leslie talking with her work partner.
"Be nice EJ, or your father's going to give you a lecture again" I whispered back to him before he started walking to her.
"He won't find out if you won't tell him" he gave me a warning eye, left me alone in the hallway and called her out just to spend time with her as he always does, man's so smitten.
It got me a few minutes before getting to the pioneer, it smells fresh like lemons here, I wonder if that's a new air freshener one of the higher ups made to cover all the smoke from the machine-making activities. Most of my colleagues are already here, some are carrying a blueprint while some are carrying a cup of coffee, talking around with their partners while mine left me alone for his girlfriend. Believe me when I say that love turns your friend into a traitor.
"Morning Calculators" A man wearing a white shirt and colourful shorts printed with coconuts and red flowers made his way down the twisted cylinder in the center of the pioneer, scratching his back and yawning.
Calculators? I haven't heard that nickname in a long time. My colleagues turned to his way the second he called us out.
"It's a nice way to get your attention huh? I'm Shiobhan, Combine 158's commander" he stayed on the feet of the cylinder with hands in his pocket, not paying attention to us "You know the ritual, so I'll spare us all the details.
Per as interval, we're searching you guys out for a responsible engineer to become an innovator. If you're willing, volunteer, if no one is we'll be seeking it the hard way" he caresses the feet of the gigantic glass cylinder of the pioneer, eyes widened in amazement, muttering something under his breath.
The room was silent the whole time as he walked towards our crowd, getting his fill from the cylinder "Any volunteers?" he stopped and looked at us "Any at all?"
"Is it true that innovators get a cryogenic tub?" I raised my hand, breaking the expected silence.
"Yes, they do" he answered "But a cryogenic tub won't help you if you die"
"Doesn't matter" I said in a hushed tone.
"A desperate fella are you?" he yawned with a sly smile, I didn't expect him to hear that "Are you planning on volunteering? Say it because I would really love to go back to HQ now"
"Would it kill me if I go?" I answered
"Obviously yes, but if you want to, can anybody stop you?" he scoffed.
No turning back I guess "I do, I volunteer"
The room erupted in silent murmurs, a grayish-blue four fingered hand patted me "Why?" Gurney, my boss asked, his eight eyes blinking with concern.
"Important matters boss, thanks for caring for me these ten years though"
Shiobhan eyes widened in disbelief but with a slight hint of relief "Quiet down people, he wants to do it your assess can't stop him" he looked at me "Pack your needs, we'll leave right away. I'll be waiting for you at the Incpad upstairs"
My colleagues scattered after Shiobhan told them to and went back to their own offices, though while walking in the hallway back to my own office some of them gave me a hard glare like blaming me for killing someone or something very important to them.
I packed my things, I placed my tool gun, a few of my successful projects, my blank blueprint spares, my medicine and some of my clothes.
The door behind me slid open "What did you do?" EJ grabbed me by the shoulder and pushed me roughly to my seat.
"Finding a way to live" I promptly answered.
"By jumping into your grave?" he said, eyebrows furrowing looking like he regrets all of this "You know most innovators die during the expedition, you know how far they go Five! You know "
"I'm going to die either way EJ" I paused "The doctors told me that my seizures highly affected a part of my brain and I might die in a year" I said quietly.
He stopped in his tracks "Then why didn't you tell me" his voice cracked
"Because you can't help. The doctors said I need a cryo, and you know who gets a cryo while doing their job, an innovator. I need this EJ"
The room paused and he stared at me as if he never knew me, as if we never spent all these years together. He looked at me with pain and disgust.
What did I do to deserve that look? what did I do to deserve his hatred? What's wrong in what I've done? "What is so wrong in wanting to live?"
I looked down trying so hard to swallow the tears to the back of my eye, EJ walked closer as I brace myself for another hit but instead of that he hugged me.
"When you come back, I hope papa chases you around the Civit with his machete" he weakly whispered.
"I hope he does" I retired myself in his arms, I want to treasure this, a brother's hug, the scent of my office—everything that tells me this will work out.
When we finally let go of each other, we said our final remarks of which mostly are reminders that I must come back or his dad can't take it and will just croak after me. I went to close my case and activated the floatation device, I got to the door when he stopped me, grabbing a portable chip installer from the holotable and threw it to me, my hands caught the installer with the written bold words "ARSENAL BOT".
"Finish this and give it to me, bring it to me yourself Five" he looked down "I'll tell papa you went to the Sovereign for a work trip"
"Thanks EJ, don't get married before I come back" I pocketed the installer.
He nodded with a teary smile and I walked away, leaving him alone without looking back.
I'm not leaving all of this to be some kind of a hero, I'm just trying to live.