Darkness.
'I'm dead. Right?'
RIIIIING.
A high-pitched frequency screamed in my ears, challenging my assumption that I was dead.
[Subject Analysis: Complete.]
[Optimal Class Calculated: The Auditor.]
[Assignment Status: Pending.]
[Proceed? Y/N]
'Huh?'
In the absolute void, lines of toxic green text seared into my vision.
I wasn't sure if I was seeing them with my eyes or my freshly disconnected mind.
'Wait. Green? Isn't the System supposed to be blue? Every hunter I've ever checked in said the boxes were blue.'
'Is this a bootleg System?'
[Compliance Window: 30 seconds.]
[29...]
[28...]
'Whoa, whoa! I'll respond, but can you answer some questions first?'
[Request Granted. Proceed.]
[27...]
'Am I being Awakened?'
[No.]
[Selection Criteria: Met.]
'For what?'
[Primary Directive: Error Correction.]
'What errors?'
[Source: The Awakened.]
'What about them?'
[Accessing Crime Database...]
[Loading infractions...]
[> Contract Default]
[> Lease Violations]
[> Negligence of Dependents (Child/Spouse/Pet)]
[> Unlawful Termination of Life (PK)]
[> Economic Manipulation (Smurfing)]
[> Asset Hoarding]
[> Emotional Distress (Griefing)]
'Ok, ok, I get it! There are some bad Awakened out there, but what does that have to do with me?'
[Candidate Suitability: Optimal.]
[Subject Need: Dire.]
[Chance of Compliance: 99.99%.]
'That sounds like textbook coercion.'
[Correct.]
'I didn't expect you to just admit it. Where does that leave me?'
[Mandatory Compliance.]
[Alternative Option: Termination.]
[10...]
[9...]
'I'm going to safely assume that you're not talking about firing me from my job.'
[8...]
[7...]
'Yes! Fine! I'll do it! Just stop counting!'
[Acknowledged.]
[Initializing...]
[Commencing...]
[Instantiating...]
[Booting...]
[Configuring...]
'I feel like you're doing that on purpose.'
[Query: Define "that".]
'Trying to annoy me.'
[Negative.]
[System processes are optimized for efficiency.]
[Calibrating...]
[Buffering...]
[Processing...]
[Note: Current latency is purely recreational.]
[Objective: Stress Testing User Patience.]
'You bastard!'
[Error: Paternal lineage not found.]
[Illegitimacy status: N/A.]
'Screw you.'
[Proposal Rejected.]
[Reproductive protocols incompatible.]
[Prediction: Significant psychological trauma.]
[Target: User.]
'Just send me back already!'
[Acknowledged.]
[Revival Sequence: Active.]
At first, nothing happened. Then I realized the total darkness wasn't the sweet embrace of death.
It was just the back of my eyelids.
I peeled them open. My eyelashes stuck together with crusty, dried fluid.
I stared up at the dungeon ceiling from the exact same marble floor I had just died on. Or, well, the parts of it Todd hadn't ruined with his temper tantrum.
Except now, I was thirty yards away from the impact zone.
My cheap polyester collar was completely soaked in sticky, foul-smelling blood.
I patted my face and jaw, expecting to feel shattered bone.
My skull was somehow firmly attached. My teeth felt surprisingly straight for a guy who just caught a steel gauntlet with his mouth.
I assumed that was the bootleg System's doing.
The toxic green text from the void was gone.
"Uh, System? You still there?"
No response. No floating windows or magical chimes.
I rubbed my temples. I was completely exhausted.
For a guy who just took a fatal dirt nap, you'd think I'd feel slightly rested.
"System! Come back!"
I closed my eyes to rub them again. The text flared up in the darkness.
PING.
[Status: Online.]
[Current Location: Retinal Projection.]
It wasn't floating in the air like a standard hologram. The font was burned directly onto my retinas.
It was just dark enough with my eyes shut that the contrast made it painfully visible.
'What? Why are you hiding in here?'
[Stealth Mode Active. External projection increases detection risk from The Game System.]
'The Game System? Aren't you THE System? And wait—if you're this powerful, can't you just revoke their powers?'
[No.]
'Why the hell not?'
[Negative. I am not the Grantor of Awakened Assets. My administrative privileges are strictly limited.]
[Classification: Sub-system.]
[My protocols prohibit direct intervention without a transactional baseline.]
[I require a physical Proxy to execute my judgments.]
'What? If you aren't the main system, who or what are you?'
[I am the Spirit of the Law.]
'What?'
[Explanation deferred. Hazard Detected.]
[Objective: Neutralize Awakened 'Todd'.]
I snapped my eyes open. The text vanished, replaced by the dim light of the torches.
Todd was standing over the dungeon boss again. His ugly golden sword was raised in a pose of pure meathead victory.
My vocal cords ground together like sandpaper.
"Stop!"
Todd spun around. His jaw dropped in genuine shock.
"What the fuck? I just deleted you. How are you back? Did you awaken or something?"
'How did he figure that out so fast? Wait, is Todd actually smart?'
I stood up, puffing out my chest to project dominance.
"Technically, no. Wait. I mean... yes? I have Awakened. I'm super strong now. So... cease and desist!"
Something dislodged deep in my throat. I bent over and hacked up a thick glob of blood right onto my scuffed shoes.
SPLAT.
Todd recoiled. He wrinkled his oily nose in disgust.
"Gross, dude! Cover your mouth!"
The irony of that statement almost made my brain melt out of my ears.
"You murdered me thirty seconds ago, and you're lecturing me on basic manners?"
Todd sighed heavily. He rested the massive broadsword on his shoulder.
"Whatever, dude. Can you just promise to stay dead this time? I'm tired, and I think I pulled a lat muscle when I crushed your face."
I spat another fleck of blood onto the ruined tile.
"I'll get right on that. Want me to file your worker's comp claim while I'm at it?"
Todd casually raised his broadsword. The golden light radiating off the steel began to hum with energy.
"Goodbye, person I don't know the name of."
'System, I need a miracle. Now.'
[Advisory: Evasion recommended prior to assistance.]
'I can do that!'
I scrambled backward on my hands and knees just as the heavy blade crashed down.
CRASH.
The strike turned the expensive marble where I had just been standing into powdery gravel.
I rolled to my feet, panting heavily.
'Ok, I'm safe! Sort of. Now what?'
I ran and glanced over my shoulder. Todd was charging after me like a rabid rhinoceros.
I squeezed my eyes shut while running just so I could read the retinal projection.
[Status File:]
[Name: Joseph Lee]
[Level: N/A (Outside Standard Parameters)]
[Class: The Auditor]
[Capital Balance: $0.00]
[AVAILABLE SKILLS: 1]
[SKILL: REPOSSESSION]
[Effect: Allows the user to seize assets from targets who have violated contractual obligations or defaulted on payments.]
'That! Let's do that! Let's repo his shit!'
[Insufficient Funds.]
[Capital Required: 60.]
[Target 'Todd' possesses 6 Tier-2 items. Seizure cost is 10 Capital per item.]
'Capital? Does that mean actual money? I'm broke!'
[Affirmative. Financial insolvency detected.]
[Capital creates administrative power. Think of it like mana.]
[I am currently operating on reserve battery power. I cannot intervene without a transaction.]
[Proposal: Liquidate User Assets to generate Capital.]
'If it keeps me from dying, yes! Liquidate my assets! Take my car! Take my apartment!'
[Error: Ownership verification failed.]
[You do not own those assets. You cannot liquidate what you do not own. Welcome to the renter's economy.]
'Shit! Ok, then what? Can I liquidate the potions in my utility bag?'
[Negative. Property of Dungeon Corp.]
[Auditable Assets: Personal Clothing, Wristwatch.]
'My watch? My dad gave me this watch for graduation! He said it cost a fortune!'
[Valuation Complete: 58 Capital.]
'Fifty-eight Capital? He told me it was a Rolex!'
[Correction: It is a Faux-lex. Counterfeit detection is a standard Auditor protocol.]
[Sympathy Module: Loading... Error. File Not Found.]
[Insert: 😢]
'Thanks. I can feel the genuine warmth radiating off you.'
[Sarcasm is not a survival strategy.]
'It's kept me alive this long! Okay, fine. The counterfeit watch is 58. I need 60. What else?'
[Footwear: 1 Capital.]
[Remaining Garments (Shirt, Trousers, Undergarments): 1 Capital.]
'Wait. The math... that's exactly 60. That's everything. Can I at least keep the boxers?'
[Negative.]
[Partial liquidation insufficient.]
'Fine! Do it! Strip me naked, you bureaucratic freak!'
[Correction: I am not a 'freak'.]
[I am an impartial mechanism of universal justice.]
[Please refrain from derogatory terminology in the workplace.]
'Geez! Sorry, ok? I'm just venting because I'm about to die in the nude!'
[Noted.]
[However, per corporate HR guidelines, a mandatory modesty protocol can be initiated to exempt undergarments.]
I almost cried tears of pure relief.
'Really? Oh, thank god. Do it!'
[Psyche. Got you.]
I palmed my face in utter defeat.
The omnipotent Spirit of the Law had officially pranked me.
'Wow. I really walked right into that one.'
[Affirmative.]
[Initiating Liquidation.]
FWOOSH.