Its hard to quit something you love, especially when you dont want to. But would you do it for love.
You sit in your bed daydreaming about your life wondering what you can do with your day. Your dopamine receptors fried from your hobbies and the space surrounding you is a mess.
Your room has clothes littered all over the ground, the tv is playing a song that has been repeated every day without fail and a stench of something pungent creates a stuffy and hardly breathable space. Because of this your forced to open your window, the only way to get a breath of fresh aur without leaving your room. You get up and walk to the door, closing in upon the doorhandle, you flinch back and begin to think "maybe later"
The only times you leave your room are when you need to, being food, necessary business, or your dissapoining hobby. You return to your bed, lying in its comfort and snuggling in the warmth, escaping the chilly breeze entering your room.
Its almost been teo whole hours since you were able to partake in your hobby. Your mouth begins to sweat a taste for a refreshing afternoon activity.
You leave your room without hesitation, flying down the stairs past the clocks ticking away, past the paintings staring in disgust straight to the backyard. Blind by your hobbie you pull a tin can out of your pocket, popping it open you grab a lighter and after four flicks it lights the tip of an object sticking out of your mouth.
Snoke begins to drape down from the end as you recline back in your chair, relaxing and untensing your body.
Your sat in your favorite spot by the wall, it gives you access to the sun and to the beautiful garden that is a pleasure to your eyes.
You know its wrong to partake in these activities, especially so often. But you just cant help it, it help you relax, right?
As you partake, more and more and just a bit more your finally buzzed enough to fly straight ot your room. Before you do though, a voice from across the wall begins to speak "do you ever do anything besides this?"
The voice sounds female, around my age 22 and sge sounds irritated. A questioning look grows on your face as you wonder where that voice came from. You respond "what?"
A voice replies once again "i said do you ever do anything besides, this?"
"Well, yeah its just that im waiting out my time here till i can get my own place" you respond
"Really? So why dont you do something better with your time?" The voice chimes
"Well i, i dont know" you mumble
"Look ive been seeing you and frankly speaking, smelling you for a long time and i cant take it anymore. Get your life together" the voice says as it fades away.
You sit there staring off into the clouds floating by. And for a second, hope begins to swell in your eyes as you you look down staring at the tin can your clutching in your hand.
As you sit there you begin to think "maybe i should quit after all, but whats one more day going to change, right?"
The sky grows darker as the moon begins to creep over the city as a wave of emotion begins to build in you, and a hint of doubt in what youve been doing begins to form.
You drift back to your room, finding yourself laying in your bed where that question echoes in your head.
A rainbow of emotions floods your head curiosity, anger, even a bit of joy that someone finally told you off for your habits.
Resentment flashes over as you begin to think "so what if i smoke, why should she care. Its none of her business after all, plus one more day wont hurt ill just slow down a bit"
Thoughts continue to control your mind as you finally black out, falling asleep. Only awoken by the shining morning light.
Laying in your bed upon first opening your eyes you feel anxious for another puff, to inhale once more.
And you cant help to mutter under your breath "what have i been doing with my time? I used to have other hobbies didnt i?"
Laying there you breathe in and are reminded of a time, different from now.
Your in the middle of the mountains, dust floats by and settles upon the gravely ground. Brush of dead or dying plants is all that surrounds you as you look out to see waves of heat dance upon horizon of bronze dirt.
Your backpack swings to your hip as you zip it open reaching in to grab a nearly empty bottle of water. Drinking just enough to drench your cracked, and dry lips wiping and smearing the remaining water across your face, providing moisture that evaporates quickly on your tanned, ashy skin.
Closing your eyes you can still feel the heat on your eyelids. As you open them your ceiling has rays of sunshine burting though the curtains. And a thought forms "i should go hiking"
Though as if on routine, before you even realize it your sat in the backyard where smoke curls around your figure. Now you can imagine the life you missed so much, as much as you want to.
As you begin to drift away into your daydreams once again. A voice yells at you "you know i thought if i had just talked to you, then maybe just maybe you wouldve changed. I guess i was wrong, your not the man i fell in love with, my mother was right i shouldve never thought you couldve been anything different in the first place"
You feel defeated, and for some reason even with all the dopamine rushing to your head you still have a pain that begins to grow in your chest. Like a knife digging out of your encapsulated heart thats been frozen for far too long, it hurts.