On our dear Earth.
At 3:00 AM.
In a small, cramped, suffocating apartment.
The keyboard clattered like a machine gun in a trench from World War II.
On the keyboard, Li Wei's fingers were a blur of motion. His knuckles had turned white, his eyes were bloodshot and like a dead zombie, he stared into the soul of the glowing monitor in front of him.
The blue light washed over his pale face, illuminating the dark circles that hung under his eyes.
"And so, with the heavens beneath his feet and the blood of three thousand immortals staining his white robes, Gu Chen looked down upon the nine realms."
"He was no longer one among the billions."
"He was no longer the ant anybody could trample."
"He was the sky everyone wanted to touch."
"He was the God everyone feared."
"He was the Divine Poison Sovereign."
Li Wei held his breath for a moment.
His trembling finger hovered over the period key for a second longer.
This was it.
The culmination of six million words.
The end of a three-year, blood-vomiting journey.
The end of Divine Poison Sovereign.
Finally he slammed his finger down with enough force to crack the plastic keycap.
Click.
"DONE!"
Li Wei screamed the word, throwing his hands up in the air. The sudden movement nearly tipped his cheap plastic chair backward.
"It is finished! The Great Dao is complete! I am finally free!"
His voice cracked, echoing sadly in the silent, messy room.
This apartment has witnessed it all. From Li Wei conceiving Gu Chen, to Gu Chen conquering the nine realms.
In this graveyard of caffeine that was his apartment, empty energy drink cans cluttered the desk. Instant noodle cups were stacked in a precarious tower near his mouse pad, and the broth had long since dried on the crusty orange rings.
He had spent countless nights crafting three thousand chapters, and writing six million words to nurture this masterpiece.
It was a masterpiece of trashy cultivation tropes. He had poured every cliché in the book into it.
Mindless harem? Check
Arrogant young masters who couldn't see Mt. Tai? Check
Face slapping that defied physics? Check
Jade beauties with bodies of porcelain? Check
And finally a protagonist with plot armour thicker than a city wall? Check
And all these ingredients managed to make this masterpiece popular. Popular enough to pay the rent. Pay for his internet. Pay for his life.
He slumped back into the chair, listening to the plastic groan in protest. A sense of profound emptiness mixed with triumph washed over him.
He felt like a god who had just finished creating a universe and was now looking at his creation, wondering what to do on the seventh day.
"Now," he muttered, rubbing his stomach as it let out a growl loud enough to rival a demonic beast, "It's time for the reward."
He reached for the grease stained takeout box sitting on top of his computer tower. It was barely lukewarm now, and the cardboard had turned soggy at the bottom.
Inside sat a single, massive spicy meatball. The last remaining survivor of his kind. It was coated in a thick, red chili oil that glistened menacingly under the screen's light.
He grabbed a flimsy plastic fork and stabbed the meatball with the precision of a swordsman.
"To Gu Chen," he toasted the screen, lifting the meatball.
"You lucky bastard. May you enjoy your three thousand wives and your eternal life. You owe me, kid. I gave you everything."
Li Wei did not bother with small bites. He shoved the entire meatball into his mouth in one go.
Ding!
Just then a notification sound cut through the silence. It was the browser alert for a new comment.
Li Wei chewed enthusiastically, grease coating his lips. He leaned forward, eyes narrowing to read the very first comment on the grand finale.
His readers were usually supportive, praising his update speed if nothing else. So he expected congratulations, if not a standing ovation.
User: DragonSlayer69"Author, this ending is trash. You rushed the final ascension. Also, the Jade Saintess never got pregnant even though they did it like 500 times. Author is definitely a virgin who doesn't know how biology works. Trash! TRash! TRAsh! TRASh! TRASH!"
Li Wei froze mid-chew.
His eyes widened. The audacity! The slander! The sheer disrespect!
He had spent nearly ten chapters describing the Jade Saintess's Celestial Yin Physique!
'Did this money sending, nice but arrogant guy skip the info dump from Chapter 1650?'
"You know nothing!" Li Wei slammed his desk in absolute anger, "The Jade Saintess has a Celestial Yin Physique! Conception is difficult when your womb is made of absolute zero ice energy, you id… Money giving idiot!"
He inhaled sharply, preparing to unleash a torrent of rage-filled words to defend his honour, Jade Saintess's honour.
But then he took a deep breath and held back.
A god does not… should not get offended by the words of a mere mortal. Never.
"Fresh air," he muttered, rubbing his forehead, "This god needs a fresh supply of oxygen."
He pushed himself up. His knees popped audibly, thanks to lack of calcium and sunlight. His legs were numb from twelve hours of sitting, but he somehow managed to navigate the obstacle course of trash to the sliding glass door of his small balcony.
He slid it open and stepped out. The view from his 2nd floor apartment wasn't a majestic ocean view. But it opened to the road at least.
Down below the streetlights flickered over a patch of asphalt where a group of local delinquents had gathered.
They were loud, obnoxious, and painfully irritating. They had dragged a massive sheet of what seemed like plywood onto the road, propping it up on cinder blocks to create a steep, makeshift ramp nearly 10-15 feet high.
Li Wei leaned his elbows on the railing, watching a kid in an oversized hoodie attempt a kickflip, fail, and nearly face-plant himself on the road.
"Amateurs," Li Wei scoffed softly, the cool night air drying the sweat on his forehead, "Gu Chen could cross that distance with a mere clench of his butt cheeks."
But the kids were hyped, they started cheering.
One of them, a shirtless guy trying way too hard to impress a girl filming on her phone, pointed at the camera, sticking his tongue out, as he began picking up speed, aiming for the ramp for a massive jump.
At the same time, headlights pierced the darkness.
A massive delivery truck made a turn at the corner. It was moving way too fast for a residential zone. The driver was clearly asleep, or drunk, as Li Wei watched the truck swerve violently, tires screeching like a banshee as it headed straight for the skaters.
The kids scattered for their lives like NPCs in a game.
But the truck didn't stop. Though it drift sideways, correcting its path at the last second. It didn't hit the curb, but it went straight for the ramp.
Li Wei watched curiously as the laws of physics decided to take a coffee break. The plywood ramp, which should have shattered into splinters under the multi-ton vehicle, held firm.
The truck hit the incline at seventy miles an hour and launched.
It soared into the air like a majestic dragon, its headlights blindingly bright. It wanted to break the shackles of this world which wanted it to be just a truck, rolling on the ground. It wanted to spread its wings.
And spreading its wings, it was heading directly for the second floor. Straight for Li Wei.
Li Wei's eyes almost popped out of his eye sockets. The curiosity in them a moment ago was replaced by shock.
His brain sent the signal to his legs: Move!
His brain screamed: Dodge! Flash Step!
Li Wei was an author. His fingers could type 120 words per minute. His fingers were lightning. His fingers were divine.
But his legs, they were weaker than a snake's. They didn't know what leg day was since Michael Jackson started moonstepping in his grave. They were jelly.
He tried to strafe left, but his knees buckled.
He stood frozen in the path of the airborne 12-wheeler.
"Ohhh! Ooo!"
Truck-kun? Li Wei thought, the absurdity hitting him faster than the bumper. You came to the second floor? That's cheating!
Li Wei could see the truck's headlights turning red and the grille smiling at him in response.
He didn't even have time to blink.
The grill of the truck filled his vision. And in that moment Li Wei thought he saw the logo of a logistics company that read: 'Rapid Transmigration Services.'
But his brain did not have the time to process any of it.
CRASH.
The truck smashed into the balcony with the force of a heavenly tribulation. Concrete crumbled like tofu, and the railing disintegrated.
In that split second, Li Wei didn't feel pain. He only felt the sudden, violent acceleration as the front of the truck introduced itself to his face.
As he was launched backward through his own apartment, amidst a shower of glass, brick, and shattered keyboard keys, a single thought drifted through his fading consciousness.
"I gave my protagonist plot armour thicker than a city wall... so why didn't I save some for myse…"