As everyone knows, normie couples are the kind of existence that makes members of the FFF Inquisition feel uncomfortable just by breathing—and inspires an intense urge to set something on fire.
That state of mind was, to a certain extent, very close to what Hikigaya Hachiman was feeling right now.
Being dragged by Hiratsuka Shizuka without any explanation into something called the Service Club—which already sounded dangerously R-18—would've been bad enough. But getting pulled into a romantic battlefield between handsome guys and beautiful girls on top of that? That was really pushing it.
Thus, young Hikigaya Hachiman redirected his aggression toward the assistant who looked like he was idling around and not doing anything remotely serious.
Fueled by resentment, skill activated—Dead Fish Eyes Stare!
"What, Hikigaya-kun, looking at me like that… are you trying to become my current boyfriend?"
How unfortunate—it had absolutely no effect on the smiling assistant Narumi Tōru…!
[Achievement Unlocked — "Could It Be That I'm the One from Nantong? Not Sure, Take Another Look"]
Wait, why is an achievement popping up in such a weird place?!
"W–What?! That's not what I meant at all!"
Hikigaya Hachiman took emotional recoil damage—next turn, he's having trouble using any skills!
Yukinoshita Yukino curled her lips slightly without saying anything, but faint emotions could be glimpsed in her complicated gaze.
You guys are really…
"Allow me to clarify," Yukinoshita Yukino said, giving two light coughs before speaking seriously. "This Narumi Tōru-senpai is my sister's ex-boyfriend. Despite being a perfectly proper college student, he became this club's assistant purely out of meddlesome tendencies and research needs."
"Senpai and I have absolutely nothing to do with each other. And my taste in men is definitely better than my sister's."
That's usually a flag, Yukinoshita Yukino-san.
"Nice to meet you, nice to meet you—Hachiman-sama, Great Deity~"
Narumi was extremely good at socializing, acting overly familiar in a way Hikigaya found hard to deal with. Maybe because he could sense that beneath that friendliness, there was actually a striking emotional coolness.
"So there are people who know where that name comes from…"
Either way, Narumi's words just now did him a solid favor in terms of first impressions.
Compared to Yukinoshita Yukino—who looked intimidating and hard to approach—this same-gender senior who appeared friendly and even somewhat reliable felt much easier to deal with.
Narumi Tōru's favorability in Hikigaya Hachiman's heart +1.
(Unnecessary favorability has increased.)
"Speaking of research… are you perhaps a novelist?"
"Well now, the possibility that I just enjoy watching the drama exists too."
Narumi snapped his fingers smugly. Of course, he wasn't about to reveal all his cards inside a simulation.
"He's both a transparent novelist who got stuck and came out to gather material—and a hot potato my sister tossed at me."
Yukinoshita Yukino, sitting nearby, stabbed him mercilessly.
"Haha, yes, exactly!"
The curly-haired young man wore a bright smile while ruthlessly slandering himself.
"Yep, that's the truth. We're all rats in the gutters—disgusting bugs curled up in the dark corners of youthful sunshine—observing human behavior to feel superior and satisfy ourselves. That's why we've been exiled here, Hikinezumi-kun!"
"Some of that might be true, but please don't lump me into that group. Also, where did that extremely not-catchy nickname even come from?"
Hikigaya barely pulled the corners of his mouth into something that could pass as a smile. He never imagined that here, of all places, he'd end up being the relatively normal one.
Yukinoshita Yukino, now seated properly, placed a tea bag into her cup and began brewing black tea with meticulous care, smiling as she spoke.
"Hikinezumi-kun, don't be fooled by Narumi-senpai's not-so-bright appearance. He's actually very good at steering conversations and controlling the atmosphere."
"Oh, thank you for complimenting me as a handsome idiot, Yukino!"
"Did I mention even half a 'handsome' just now?"
"Handsome is an objective fact. That doesn't stop me from adding it on."
"Then I reject that, without personal feelings involved."
"Since President Yukinoshita has praised this assistant so highly, I suppose it's my turn to return the favor. This washed-up novelist has crafted a profile perfectly tailored to you. If you're interested, I'd be happy to show you."
"I wasn't praising you… wait, when did you even make a profile?"
"Ahem—Yukinoshita Yukino is a strapping woman (mentally). Though not tall or physically imposing, she is upright, uncompromising, and would rather break than bend—"
"…I shouldn't have asked. That description is exactly on the level of a washed-up novelist."
"The topic's already being hijacked again! And don't immediately learn from Narumi and start calling me Hikinezumi, okay?!"
Hikigaya's dead fish eyes drifted restlessly. He was more convinced than ever that the curly-haired man in front of him possessed terrifying crowd-control social skills.
Silver-tongued, prone to shocking remarks—a fox-like guy. If he were a girl, he'd definitely have people wrapped around his finger.
Wait—maybe even without being a girl, he still could… no, no! Hikigaya Hachiman, you're a righteous high school boy… righteous! One must live uprightly! You can't let your lifestyle become Westernized!
[Achievement Unlocked — "Confused Heartbeat Memories: The Target of Capture Is Not the Opposite Sex"]
No way… don't tell me, Hikigaya—you really are…?