Why am I not dead yet?
Why wasn't it me who died?
Why am I still lingering on in this world?
...
The same question had repeated itself countless times in the girl's heart.
Ever since she started wandering, she had never slept well.
"Run? Where do you think you can run to? I will appear endlessly, endlessly in your deepest nightmares, until you no longer have the strength to resist..."
The malicious ridicule often invaded her dreams; the hideous face of the Herrscher of the Void was a nightmare she could not escape.
But what made her feel most desperate was not the Herrscher's malicious mockery, nor the confusion and helplessness when the Herrscher of the Void took over her body.
But rather...
"Kiana..."
In that moment when her consciousness suddenly cleared, the red-haired woman was only a hair's breadth away from her. Her skin was like cracked, dry earth, the vitality in her eyes had faded, leaving only deathly gray.
"This is... the last lesson..."
The sound of the God-Slaying Sword shattering made her pupils constrict. The consciousness of the Herrscher surged like a tide, overwhelming her will once again. The erupting power slammed into the woman's body.
"Heh..."
A barely perceptible smile graced the woman's lips.
The liquid from the God-Slaying Spear surged through her body like scorching lava the moment it was injected.
It was a pain that felt as if it would completely tear her body apart; even her soul seemed to be burning in karmic fire.
The Honkai energy within her body was constantly dissolving; the imaginary space was collapsing.
She could only watch that lifeless figure fall into the bottomless abyss, like a bird falling from the sky...
Every time the dream reached this point, Kiana would wake up with a start.
"Kiana, Kiana! You cannot use the Herrscher's power anymore..."
The familiar voice echoed in her mind constantly, trying to break through her frozen heart. Yet, that anxious voice falling in her ears sounded like the mockery of a perpetrator.
She knew clearly whose voice it was in her mind, fighting and suppressing the Herrscher.
But she couldn't accept it, couldn't acknowledge it, and couldn't approve of it...
Fu Hua.
Her dear class monitor, her partner, her...
Liar.
Liar.
Liar, liar, liar, liar—!
Anger felt as if it would burst through her chest, but Himeko's last voice rang by her ears again.
"Kiana..."
Between moments of half-sleep and half-wakefulness, Kiana always felt as if she had returned to her time at St. Freya.
Sleeping in leisurely, only for a sudden sharp pain in her ear. Opening her eyes, she would see Himeko's angry face.
"Kiana, until when are you going to keep sleeping! Get up!"
"Ow, ow, ow! Auntie Himeko, don't pull my ears!!"
"Don't call me Auntie, call me Teacher!"
That's right.
She must be dreaming, having a sad dream.
But it didn't matter. As long as she opened her eyes, she could return to the cozy little nest at St. Freya.
She would be able to smell the aroma of breakfast made by Mei herself, hear the sound of Bronya playing games, and then, not long after, Himeko would appear before her bed, personally coming to drag her, the big lazybones, out of bed—
But, Kiana opened her eyes, and what entered her vision was the dark, gloomy alleyway of Arc City.
She could only wrap her coat tighter around herself, but the chill that penetrated her soul could not be driven away by even the warmest fire.
She knew, of course she knew...
She couldn't go back to St. Freya.
Teacher Himeko wasn't coming back either.
When this thought clearly surfaced in Kiana's mind, she didn't cry, because her tears had long since dried up over countless awakenings.
But her chest still felt like it was being crushed by a giant rock; every breath carried a heavy, stifling sensation.
It wasn't an intense pain that erupted instantly, but a dull pain grinding over the nerves, even more tormenting than being struck by Mei's lightning during training.
Like being cut by a dull knife, never ending...
"You killed her."
"It was you, it was you, it was you, Kiana—!!"
"You surely remember, remember the sensation of manipulating the Spear of the Void to pierce her body, remember the sound of her bones crunching under the Herrscher's power..."
"You certainly remember, you certainly remember, because... I am you..."
That voice was like a poisonous snake, sharp and thin. Under the Herrscher's near-crazed devastation, her nerves had long become incredibly fragile... like a taut string, ready to snap at any moment.
And that day had finally arrived.
Clinging to the last glimmer of light in her heart, Kiana killed a Honkai beast that appeared in a corner of Arc City and urged a mother and daughter pair to leave.
After watching their figures disappear, she put her hood back on, intending to leave before the Arc City police arrived.
However, the violent will instantly breached the critical line. The continuous use of Honkai energy over these days had summoned a terrible evil spirit; her eyes were once again dyed with the golden hue of the Herrscher.
Ah...
She pressed the handgun against her chin. In her hallucination, it seemed as if she saw Himeko waving at her.
"Think suicide will set you free? Keep dreaming!"
"Stop it, Kiana, steady your mind, I will help you—"
Two familiar voices intertwined in her mind, as if engaging in a fierce battle.
"Teacher Himeko... I'm sorry, I can't let the Herrscher..."
Tears slid down her cheeks, dripping onto the ground.
"Bang—"
A gunshot shattered the tranquility of the night in Arc City.
Everything seemed to end here, to conclude here...
Was it over?
...
Seems not yet.
"Is there still consciousness after death...?"
Kiana remembered once asking Teacher Himeko this question, and the other party had scoffed and said.
"You'll know when you die!"
But she clearly still had consciousness, and a ridiculous joy rose in her heart—I can finally tell you, Auntie Himeko, after people die...
Cold liquid struck her face.
The sensation made her shiver involuntarily.
Kiana opened her eyes; a drizzle began to fall.
"Where is... this?"
She found herself lying in an alleyway in a daze. The rain hit her lips, carrying a chill with the taste of rust.
Kiana raised her hand to wipe her face; her fingertips touched the traces of dried tears and the wet coldness of the rain, but there was no excruciating pain of her head being pierced through as expected.
She looked down at her hand. The soreness from gripping the gun remained in the web between her thumb and index finger, but the handgun that had been pressed against her chin was long gone.
The White Komodo armor on her body felt like a heavy piece of scrap iron. The lights on the joints were all extinguished, and even the constant temperature layer that adhered to her skin had lost its function.
Cold wind wrapped the rain into the gaps of the armor, freezing her so much her teeth chattered slightly.
She helped herself walk forward by leaning on the wall. Every step pulled at the wounds on her body, causing her to gasp in pain.
But this pain was real, it belonged to "Kiana Kaslana", and it wasn't an illusion caused by the Herrscher's consciousness.
She subconsciously touched her chest, only to hear the steady beating of her heart.
One beat, then another.
As if reminding her.
"You are still alive".
The moment she walked out of the alley, she stopped in her tracks.
Colorful umbrellas moved on the street; car honks rose and fell.
What made her pupils shrink sharply was the giant screen in the center of the square.
The woman on it wore a gorgeous gown, her smile elegant. The subtitle below read "World Superstar Eden".
"Where... is this?"
Rain slanted against Kiana's face, mixing with the undried tears, bone-chillingly cold.
She staggered into the crowd.
"Is anyone there? Excuse me, where is this?"
No one responded.
She stopped a passerby, but the other person walked right past her, shoulders brushing against her arm—
No.
Not brushing past.
Passing through.
Kiana looked down at her hand.
Rain passed through her fingertips, falling to the ground.
Her palm was becoming transparent.
"No..."
She wanted to grab something, but her fingertips went through the roadside railing, through the billboard, through everything she tried to touch.
"No, no, no—"
She squatted down, hugging her knees with both hands, her body trembling uncontrollably.
Rain fell on top of her head, but didn't wet her hair.
It passed right through.
"Heh..."
The familiar mocking voice rang in her ears; she couldn't tell if it was an auditory hallucination.
"Is this your destiny, Kiana? To become a ghost that the world refuses to acknowledge?"
"Fine, this way you can watch this world operate forever and ever, while you can't do anything, can't touch anything..."
"Isn't this... the punishment most fitting for you?"
Kiana did not respond to that voice.
She just squatted silently in the rain, watching pedestrians walk past her, watching the rain pass through her body.
I don't know how much time passed.
Maybe a few minutes, maybe a few hours.
She stood up and walked aimlessly.
The neon lights on the street blurred into clusters of fuzzy halos in the rain curtain.
She didn't know where she was going, nor did she know where else she could go.
Just walking.
Keep walking.
Until she walked into an old residential complex and up the staircase of a building.
She slid down to sit against the wall.
Tired.
Really tired.
The feeling of her body being rejected by this world made her dizzy.
Every so often, she would feel her existence becoming thinner, as if she would dissipate into the air at any moment.
Only in certain moments—
Like just now, when she happened to get close to a certain door in the stairwell.
That feeling of dissipating would lessen somewhat.
As if something was anchoring her.
So she sat down next to that door.
Maybe it was just a psychological effect.
Maybe she was just too tired, so tired that she started to hallucinate.
But she didn't have the strength to walk anymore.
Let it be here.
Anyway, no one could see her.
Until.
Footsteps sounded.
A young man appeared in the stairwell.
He was holding an umbrella, carrying a convenience store plastic bag in one hand, and keys in the other.
Kiana didn't look up.
Just another passerby who couldn't see her.
She was used to it.
Then she heard that person stop walking.
"Excuse me, please move aside."
The voice was very ordinary, carrying a bit of the weariness of returning home on a rainy night.
"I'm home."
Kiana froze.
She slowly raised her head.
The young man was looking at her.
Not the kind of look that penetrated her and landed on the wall behind her.
But truly—
Looking at her.
"You... can see me?"
She widened her eyes.