I ended up taking on a disciple I never asked for, but I didn't particularly mind.
One way or another, it meant more life in the dojo, and it was a chance to give a brat—whose destination was already fixed for Hell due to the mountain of sins she'd accumulated—a new path.
Of course, whether she chooses to abandon her past like Unohana and accumulate enough good karma to overshadow her bloody history, or whether she continues down the path she's walked and marches into Hell with her own two feet... that remains her choice.
"Yaaaawn... Smacking my lips."
It was early dawn, before the sun had even begun to rise.
I had been lying down, but sleep eluded me. I stepped outside to cool my heated body and stared blankly up at the sky.
In the quiet before the morning birds sang, the sky was void of both moon and sun, filled only with stars.
Perched on the edge of the eaves, I gazed upward for a while, closing my eyes to recall the sky of a million years ago.
As expected, the sky hadn't changed.
Though a million years had passed since the Original World was split into the Three Worlds, the heavens were exactly as I remembered them.
Even a million years is but a fleeting instant beneath a sky that has lived for tens of billions and will endure for tens of billions more.
What would our world look like from the perspective of those stars?
They wouldn't see the Earth split into three; instead, they would likely see the various realms overlapping as one.
Thinking about it that way makes me curious.
If the Three Worlds were to perish, would those stars disappear as well?
No, probably not. Even if the Three Worlds were destroyed, the universe itself would remain.
If so, can we truly call the Three Worlds beneath this vast universe 'the world'?
Perhaps our concern for the 'balance' of the world stems not from a love of the heavens, but from a primal fear of the ground we stand on vanishing.
What kind of world are they talking about?
What does that world look like?
In the first place... what is the world?
As questions began to bite their own tails, leading to thousands of self-reflections, the sky eventually turned a deep, obsidian black.
The sun was about to rise.
"...Maybe it's just the dawn mood."
I'm having all sorts of strange thoughts.
With a deep sigh, I opened my eyes. A familiar face, wearing an eye-patch, filled my field of vision.
Right. It was Saito Furofushi, who had recently become my disciple.
Saito Furofushi. She uses the character *Saito (齋藤), where the Sai* (齋) denotes purification and staying clean in mind and body, yet she's a peculiar disciple who has lived the life of a bloodthirsty killer.
No, wait. If I consider that the To (藤) following it means wisteria, and the language of the wisteria flower is 'Welcome' or 'Reflection,' then her name implies that 'purification' is a mere reflection—an illusion. In that sense, she's lived a life perfectly suited to her name.
The surname is unique enough, but the true kicker is her given name: Furofushi (不老不死).
'Ageless and Immortal.' When I first heard it, I couldn't help but laugh, and I had a hell of a time soothing her afterward.
Ageless and Immortal...
It would be nice if she truly were.
As I sat there blinking blankly with those thoughts, Saito, who had been staring intently into my eyes, clicked her tongue and backed away.
"What the hell were you thinking about? I got this close and you didn't even notice."
I was thinking about how funny your name is.
How can a person's name be 'Immortal'?
If I said that, she'd throw a tantrum and pull her sword again, so I decided to share the contemplations I'd been having.
"What is the world?"
"Ugh, you're thinking about some real fcked-up shit."
Saito made a gagging sound like she was about to vomit, then sat down beside me and looked up at the sky.
Unfortunately, the sky at this hour was at its darkest, stripped of moon, stars, and sun as it awaited the dawn.
Teetering on the edge of the porch, swinging her body back and forth, Saito let out a long sigh and spat out a curse.
"That sky is fcking black as coal. There's nothing there. You were worrying about the world while looking at that? What, were you thinking about how much of a shithole this world is?"
Just what kind of life did this kid lead to become such a cynic?
Well... come to think of it, none of the bastards who go around cackling while lopping off heads have ever had what you'd call a 'normal' life.
"How was this world born? What does it look like? In the first place, what is the world? And how should I live in such a place... those were my thoughts."
"Tch, sounds like the worries of someone with a full stomach."
"In reality, it's the kind of worry that makes your hair fall out because there are no clear answers."
Thinking about that damn monk who went bald because I told him to study philosophy... shudder.
As I shook my head, Saito toyed with her hair and frowned.
"Then just stop thinking about it. Why give yourself a headache over that shit?"
"Because I am at the end of that questioning."
"You keep saying the same thing, but what the hell is this 'I' you're talking about?"
"I do not exist. To be precise, there is no 'me' within me."
She blinked for a moment, clearly failing to comprehend, before her face contorted in annoyance.
"Are you playing word games with me right now? My brain might not work that great, but I'm not such a dipsht that I don't know when I'm being mocked!"
"I'm not mocking you or playing games. There really is no 'me' inside me."
This is the concept of Anatman from the Three Marks of Existence. All things are impermanent, all is suffering, and all things are without a self.
If I twist the direction slightly, it touches on Nietzsche's Übermensch.
However, the Buddhist Anatman speaks of subjectivity within the grand relationships of the world and social structures.
Nietzsche's Übermensch refers to the person you want to become within yourself—a superhuman being—so it's a bit different.
To put it simply, the former is 'Me' as seen from the outside, and the latter is 'Me' as seen from within.
In the end, either way, it's the same: there is no fixed 'me' inside.
"What kind of life do you want to live?"
"...I don't know."
"Then why did you pick up the sword?"
"Because I hated the way everyone else lived like they were already dead. I hated repeating the same day, the same routine over and over."
"Then why did you stop there?"
"...Because I realized I was just repeating the same life anyway. Kill and pillage, kill and pillage... It was a thrill at first. Now, I feel nothing. What am I supposed to do beyond that? No matter what I do, life is just a hamster wheel."
"Yes, life is cruel. So, will you stop there?"
"If I don't? What can I even do?"
"Anything."
I closed my eyes for a moment.
"Establish your own values and decide your own path. If that path is filled with pain and emptiness, face that pain and emptiness head-on and strive to overcome it. You say the night sky is dark? That there is nothing there? Then dream. Draw the sky you desire in your heart and look up. Do not wait for the sky to change. Change the sky from within yourself."
By the time Saito Furofushi looked back up at the sky, the sun was cresting over the ridge, illuminating the world.
The long veil of darkness covering the heavens vanished into the distance, and a burning white light brightened the blue sky.
"So that even if you die one day, no matter who you stand before, you can proudly say you lived your own life. Strive to live that way. It's fine even if you don't achieve it. To dream is a beautiful thing in itself. So, Saito Furofushi... live."
I gave the dazed girl's head a light pat and hopped down from the roof.
I had nothing left to say, and she looked like she'd just had some grand epiphany, so I decided to leave her be.
Anything else I said now wouldn't get through to her anyway.
Still...
'I went and gave another pretentious sermon.'
Even though I don't have a shred of enlightenment myself.
I just took the obvious and twisted it into difficult words. Philosophy, my ass.
If real philosophers like Nietzsche or Schopenhauer were here, they'd probably tell me that reciting what I've read isn't philosophy.
I smacked my lips at the bitter taste in my mouth and scratched my head.
I had spouted a lot of flowery language to catch her interest, but the reality was simple.
Don't live aimlessly; set your own goals and live a life that follows them.
But if I said it that simply, she'd probably go, "Geez, everyone says that," so I just tried to make it sound impressive.
Because I, unlike Kagaya or Hozuki, haven't attained true enlightenment.
I just break down what I know and relay it.
If she learns something from it, that's good. If not... well, that's a shame.
With those thoughts, I returned to my room and locked eyes with Unohana, who was half-exposed as her clothes hung loose.
She looked at me with drowsy eyes, as if she had just woken up, and gave a small, faint smile.
"You... got up early..."
"I never went to sleep."
"Mmm... no wonder it felt so empty beside me..."
Her voice, still thick with sleep, sounded incredibly endearing.
I realized once again that I'm truly smitten.
I chuckled and sat down beside her, and Unohana gently lifted the edge of the blanket.
The warm air from inside the bed, heated over the night, wafted out.
"It's still cold outside..."
"What about breakfast? Aren't you going to eat?"
"Just for one keok*... just warm me up a little before you go..."
"I guess it can't be helped. Only for fifteen minutes, then."
With those words, I slid into the blankets with Unohana.
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