I had just killed the newcomer who arrived after a thousand years, but I wasn't worried.
After all, this is Hell.
As far as I know, any creature that dies in Hell is resurrected shortly after.
The reason... Well, fitting for a place called Hell, I suppose it's to ensure the sinners suffer for all eternity.
Not that it really matters to me either way.
"First, let's see what he's dropped. Time for a little corpse looting."
My memory is a bit hazy, but I recall that looting corpses is a fundamental law of the world, a tradition so ancient it's probably depicted in prehistoric murals. It would be wrong not to follow it.
Unfortunately, I couldn't get much off the newbie's body. The only thing he had was the clothes on his back.
"I'm not exactly a fan of wearing a dead man's clothes, but I don't have much of a choice."
I couldn't exactly stay naked forever like the newbie suggested.
More importantly, I am a man of common sense who received a modern higher education.
I stripped the clothes off the newbie, put them on, adjusted the fit, and then crouched down in front of him.
"So, how long are you going to play dead? I can hear your breathing, you know."
"...Hup!"
"Kneel."
When I spoke while tapping the ground with my index finger, the newbie gritted his teeth, pushed himself up, and silently dropped to his knees.
"...I apologize for what happened earlier. Since you had no Spiritual Power, I thought you were just a commoner..."
"Watching your tongue? Or do you want your head cracked open again? Or maybe this time, I should just put your heart and your head at the same height?"
"..."
"Oh? No answer?"
"Please... spare my life."
"You're already dead and ended up in Hell, yet you're asking me to spare your life? Have you no conscience?"
"..."
"Answer me."
"Please... kill me."
"You're already dead, how am I supposed to kill you? What, you want your head cracked again? You want to keep dying until my mood improves?"
"..."
As I clenched my fist tight enough to make my knuckles crack, the newbie hung his head low, looking utterly defeated.
I didn't even need to see his face to know what he was thinking.
"Hey, newbie. You're thinking that you've really stepped in it this time, that you've run into some total lunatic, right?"
The newbie flinched the moment I asked.
I guess he isn't the type to hide his inner thoughts well, unlike that Tsunayashiro bastard or that 'Dharma' fellow.
"Fine. I like your honesty, so I'll let you live."
"Th... thank you."
"Keep your thanks. I know you're cursing me out under your breath, so just drop it."
The newbie's face contorted as I spoke.
He seems like quite the arrogant brat; I suppose his pride took a hit from this encounter.
Either that, or having his skull—filled with nothing but vanity—smashed in finally made him snap back to reality.
Well, whatever.
I don't mind people whose emotions show on their faces.
At least it means they aren't the type to harbor a hidden agenda.
I waved my hand dismissively, and the newbie slowly raised his head.
"That being said... could you please... return my clothes...?"
"Try and take them."
"...Actually, it's a bit hot here, so I think staying in just my fundoshi is more than enough."
Typical criminal. The weak perish, the strong survive—the moment he realized I was overwhelmingly superior, he turned subservient. He tried to sound noble earlier, but in reality, he's just a pathetic loser who cows to the strong and preys on the weak.
"Are... are you... no, is your lordship the ruler of this place?"
"You brat. I don't know how much you had to walk on eggshells back up there, but you're quick on the uptake. Yeah. I'm the King here."
In truth, Hell doesn't have a king or anything, but after sitting here for a thousand years, I figured I earned the right to call myself that.
We aren't from the same clan, but purely in terms of lineage and generation, I'm technically one rank higher than the Soul King himself.
"The King...!"
But if I'm going to act like a king, I'd probably have to act like the Soul King.
Ugh, I hate that idea. I respect the Soul King for braving a fate worse than death, but I have no intention of following in his footsteps.
In the first place, I'm not the 'King' type. I'm more of a wanderer.
I scratched my head as the newbie stared at me with wide eyes, then waved my hand again.
"Actually, I'm not the King. I'm just the landlord."
"If you are the lord of this land... then you are a Daimyo. Does that mean there are people in other territories?"
"No. It's just me here. Well, and you now. That makes two of us."
"No..."
Just me and this guy...? I'm screwed... I'm definitely on his bad side, what do I do...?
His rapidly shifting eyes were shouting those words loud and clear.
It's good that his emotions show on his face, but this kid takes it to the extreme.
...Well, whatever. Hell is a place devoid of stimulation, so this isn't so bad. It's fun to watch him tremble.
"I can see everything you're thinking."
"Hup!"
"Stop being so pathetic. I'm not going to kill you, so just follow me."
Standing around here won't do much, so I decided to take him to my place to talk. I need to hear what those guys up there are doing and find out more about these 'commoners.'
"Oh, right."
I almost forgot.
Now that I look around, this is the Forest of Miasma.
I should have warned him that the Hell Trees are everywhere and the surroundings are filled with deadly toxins.
Even if you can't die in Hell, no one likes convulsing from poison.
"Make sure you follow closely. This area is full of lethal tox—"
I turned around to give him the heads-up, but I was too late.
The newbie had clearly tried to run the moment my back was turned, and he was already facing the opposite direction.
"K-glugh..."
He was already convulsing, foaming at the mouth with an unsettling purple froth.
What an idiot...
"...*Sigh*."
I grabbed the twitching newbie by the ankle and started dragging him along.
The reason was simple: I had no desire to carry or hold a grown man who was wearing nothing but a fundoshi.
Fuck, if our junk touched even for a second, I'd probably mince him until not even a human shape remained. It's bad enough that a woman isn't throwing herself at me; I'm not letting some dude's package anywhere near me.
"I guess I'm pretty pent up too."
Well, after a thousand years of celibacy, I suppose it's only natural.
Tch. Usually, by this point, shouldn't I have transcended physical desires or at least had them atrophy away?
Why does mine just keep building up? I mean, it's better than being impotent, but at this rate... will I turn into a sex demon...?
"Ugh... Argh! Ack!"
"What, you awake?"
"I've... been awake for a while...! Please, stop for a second!! The ground is so sharp it's grinding off the back of my head!!"
"The ground is hardened lava, so it is a bit rough."
"Then stop, you lunatic! Gaaah!"
He sure gives good reactions.
Heh.
"Uugh... I thought the back of my skull was going to get peeled off, you piece of shit...!"
"You're quite honest, and you've got a foul mouth to boot."
"Hup...!"
"Stop doing that 'hup' thing every time I speak. It's getting old."
I've seen it three times now, that's plenty.
It looks like it'll be a hassle to get him all the way to my house in that state, so maybe I should just make some chairs and talk here.
I picked up a couple of large volcanic rocks lying around and carved them into two chairs using my hand like a blade. The newbie watched the display with his jaw hanging open.
"There, chairs. We're going to be seeing a lot of each other anyway, so let's have a heart-to-heart."
"Ah... thank you. But what kind of talk...?"
"Nothing much. Just, how'd you end up here? No one's fallen down here for over a thousand years, so I was curious what kind of bullshit you pulled to land yourself in Hell."
As I rested my chin on my hand and asked, the newbie bit his lip and looked down.
I could tell he was about to start his story with the word 'unfair.'
"I... I've been wronged!!"
"Sure you have. Everyone in Hell is 'innocent.'"
That's a line from *The Shawshank Redemption*, too.
If you were really innocent and wronged, would you have fallen into Hell?
You would have gone to the Soul Society, or turned into a Hollow and gone to Hueco Mundo.
Wait, is Hueco Mundo technically a branch of Hell? Anyway.
I chuckled and waved him off, and the newbie glared at me while grinding his teeth.
He looked truly indignant.
Of course, I don't believe him for a second.
"I'm not joking! I really have been wronged!!"
"And yet a 'wronged' guy like you tries to kill someone just because they don't have Spiritual Power? Don't lie to me, brat, unless you want to die."
"Eek...! T-That's! It's because the ones who killed me were commoners!!"
"Hmm... A grudge, then..."
I nodded and leaned back against the hard stone backrest.
"But based on what you said, those 'commoners' don't have Spiritual Power, right? Then there's no reason someone like you, who has Spiritual Power, would lose to them."
"...Hundreds of them swarmed me at once. My Spiritual Power ran out, and they killed me."
"There's a reason they call it 'mob violence.' But..."
You haven't mentioned *why* hundreds of people were trying to kill you.
You damn Sinner.
* * *
The newbie's story was long and rambling, but summarized, it came down to this:
"So you played with your dick until you got dicked over."
This guy, using his noble status, had abducted commoner women with weak Spiritual Power and forced himself on them under a self-proclaimed 'jus primae noctis.' After discarding them, he 'accidentally' (his words) strangled a few to death. Eventually, the enraged villagers caught him and executed him by beheading.
He thought he was headed for the Soul Society, but then a high-ranking member of his own family appeared, grabbed him by the hair, and threw him straight into Hell.
"So. First off, what's your clan?"
If it's a name I recognize, watch out.
I'll personally smash through the gates of Hell, climb up there, grab them by their hair, and drag them down here too.
As I sat with my arms crossed, glaring at him, the trembling newbie carefully opened his mouth.
"Tsu..."
"Tsunayashiro? You son of a bitch, really?"
"N-No!! T-That name can only be used by the direct bloodline! I am from a branch family, my name is Tsukiyama!!"
A branch... A branch, huh...
"How far off is the branch?"
"I am... a third-tier descendant..."
A third-tier descendant? What degree of kinship is that?
It's been so long since I've heard those terms that I had to fold my fingers one by one to count.
If a direct descendant is first-tier, then third-tier is like... eighth-degree kinship? An eighth cousin or something?
"...I guess that's not close enough to justify an invasion."
That aside...
Even a thousand-year-old virgin like me doesn't go around raping and murdering, you absolute sex fiend.
"And you still claim you were wronged? A conscience... well, I guess you wouldn't be in Hell if you had one."
"But...! But I am a Noble!! Nobles are allowed to treat commoners—urk!?"
"You talk too much, Sinner. Keep flapping that tongue and you'll bite it off when I hit your jaw. Grit your teeth."
Let's start with a few light rounds of 'discipline.'
"Buh-uugh!? Ack!"
"Great. I haven't had anything to do for a thousand years. Maybe I'll try my hand at 'rehabilitation.'"
"I... I didn't—ghrk!? I did nothing wrong...!!"
This is great. I get to practice controlling my strength, and a Sinner gets rehabilitated. It's a win-win.
"Deny it all you want. Eventually, the hits will make you regret your sins automatically."
Don't worry.
From time immemorial, there has been nothing better than this for making someone repent.
Wait, since this is the past, I guess I'm starting the tradition now.
"From now on, this is your medicine."
"W-Wait a minute...!!"
"Ah-ah. Put your hands down or your arms will break."
With those words, I raised my fist.