"That'll be all for today class. Remember, I want those first drafts in by Friday. Dismissed."
Hiratsuka-sensei's voice was firm like it always was when used to address the class. Upon hearing her words of dismissal, the students of 2F began to filter out through the doors for lunch break. Before standing up, Hiratsuka-sensei packed away some loose papers and other school-related items into her bag.
I was doing the same when I heard a voice from the front of the room address me.
"Hikigaya. See me in my office please." She looked at me neutrally, but I saw the edges of her lips curl up conspiratorially for the briefest of seconds.
I offered a lazy smile, and nodded.
A few moments after that, she left the room, the swishing sound of a fluttering lab coat signaling her departure. I turned my attention back to the menial task of packing book into bag when I heard a conversation drift in my direction from the center of the room.
"Oh, and can ya tell miss Yukino that I appreciate her help too? I know I already said it, but without you guys I woulda been screwed. No doubt about it."
Sparing a quick glance in the direction of the noise, I noticed that a couple of members of the class's resident in-crowd hadn't yet left for lunch and were instead loitering around the middle of the room, bags still unpacked. Judging from the horrible butchering of the Japanese language alone, I deduced that the one who had just spoken was Tobe.
"It really wasn't a big deal, you know? There's no need to thank us so much…"
I recognized that voice as Yuigahama's.
"Nah, Yui-san, I mean it. My ass was on the line back there, but you guys really managed to pull through for me. I mean it genuinely when I say it, so thank ya. To you and miss Yukino both."
"Aww that's sweet. Okay, I'll tell her. Thank you Tobe."
"Yeah, it's the least I could do," Tobe said brightly. He laughed in that stereotypical, overly friendly way before saying, "But really though! The service club is like some amazing thing, right? It's like a godsend. Free and it gets the job done. It's good stuff."
My hands that were idly packing away pencils and pens slowed a fraction.
"Haha, that's what the club is for. It's kind of like our jobs I guess. We don't mind," she laughed.
Once all of my supplies were in my bag, I stood up and flung it around my shoulder. The chair made a slightly sharp noise as it scraped against the floor. I winced, but didn't slow my step as I took careful steps outside the room. I could feel a pair of eyes on my back as I walked, but that didn't slow me down.
As I turned the corner, I heard those same voices whisper something.
"Say, how come Hikitani wasn't there to help me out? Did he quit the club or somethin?"
"Oh. Umm... I'm not sure. He-"
I was already in the hallway before I could hear the end of that last sentence.
The stroll to Hiratsuka-sensei's office ended up being brief and straightforward. It was a path that I'd had memorized for some time.
"I have a meeting tomorrow," Hiratsuka-sensei said, her voice drifting from the kitchen. "It'll probably go on to the evening, so you should probably head straight home after school."
I raised my head slightly from my folded position on the couch of her apartment living room. "Oh. Sure." I nodded. After a beat I asked, "What kind of meeting is it?"
She grabbed a can of yebisu malt from the fridge, and closed it with the edge of her hip. "Oh, you know. The same old, same old," she said uninterestedly. The top of the can cracked with a hiss and she took a large sip before sighing out in satisfaction. After wiping her lips with the sleeve of her shirt, she continued.
"The email said we were going to discuss final preparatory lessons for the third years before the uni exams come up. I think principal Katsuoro said something about setting up after school cram sessions for any students who need help or something."
She took a long sip from her can before tossing it and opening the fridge for another. "I mean, it's more work for me and the other teachers but since he doesn't have to do squat, what does it matter right?"
I blinked when I realized that she was expecting an answer. "Sounds like a shitty situation," I offered offhandedly.
"Oh believe me, it is." She plopped down on the couch beside me with another open beer in her hands. "So, what's happened in my absence?"
"Nothing much," I shrugged. "Kenshin-sensei betrayed the team again and Jonobo killed him." I tried my hardest to keep the boredom out of my voice. At least the change in scenery from her bedroom to living room was nice, even if we were still stuck watching this damn anime. At the very least this room didn't seem as… stifling.
"Yes! Finally! Twenty-three seasons too late if you ask me," she exclaimed with a satisfied grin on her face.
I raised a lazy eyebrow. "What's with the excitement…" I started. "I thought you said you've already seen this series before."
"I have," she shrugged. "But that doesn't make that bastard's death any less exciting when it happens."
I turned my attention back to the bright colors on the screen.
We sat, both watching the TV monitor for a while, until Hiratsuka-sensei lightly poked my side and said something.
"Huh?" I asked, snapping out of a slight daze.
"I said," she began with an impatient look on her face. "That I was thinking that maybe you were right."
I blinked once, not knowing quite what she was referring to. "…About?" I asked.
"That we should go out some time," she said with a small smile. I looked into her grey eyes. "I know that it could possibly be risky or lead to a complicated situation or whatever, but," she said. "What we have going on is already a pretty complicated situation. I suppose playing it by ear for once wouldn't be too bad."
Despite myself, I felt my heart beat slightly faster. "Uh, yeah. Cool," I started lamely, trying to play off my sudden excitement. After a month of living like hermits, we could finally do something together in public…? I cleared my throat and sat up a bit straighter. "How's this Saturday? Where do you want to go?" My overeager tone might have sounded pathetic to someone listening in, but I didn't pay much mind to it.
"Hey, slow down there," she said, her smile almost immediately losing a bit of its previous mirth. "I didn't mean this weekend or anything."
I blinked, confused. "Oh," I said. "Next Saturday then?"
She sat up a bit straighter. "Mmm, I was thinking some time later," she said with a hum. "You know, somewhere down the line…" she trailed off.
I felt the feeling of hopefulness evaporate. "I see."
She must've sensed something change in my tone because she added, "But soon Hikigaya. Soon."
I didn't know if she was just saying it to placate me, or if she actually meant it, but I saw no point in arguing or drawing out the issue further.
…I supposed I could live with waiting just a while longer. I nodded, and settled back into the plush cushions of the couch. As I did, I remembered something else that I wanted to address.
"Er, so you're going to be gone all afternoon tomorrow right?" I asked.
"Mmm. Yep," she said absently as she took another sip of her beer.
"Ah, alright," I said. "I think I'll stop by club for a bit then. The others probably think I'm dead or something by now." Despite how careful I was trying to make my words sound, they came out quickly.
She paused for a second, can hovering above her lips, before taking a sip. "You see Yuigahama every day in class, don't you?"
"Well yeah, but I was being sort of facetious about that last part."
A short silence fell over us before she spoke again. "I suppose you're right."
I immediately felt a slight surprise at her words. I turned towards her to regard her expression. It wasn't happy, but it wasn't angry like I had come to expect when this particular topic came up. "Really?"
"Hmm, yes," she started. "I know I haven't exactly been ushering you to the clubroom or anything but…" Her face took a slightly thoughtful expression as she spoke. "It's… uncouth of me to stand in your way," she said, choosing her words carefully. She took another long sip from her beer. "It's your life, and ultimately your decision."
"O-Oh. Yeah," I said lamely.
She sighed with a small smile. "I'm the one who initially signed you up in the first place – you've certainly done well to remind me of that – and you're right. You should go tomorrow," she said. After she shook her head briefly, she added, "You really are more responsible than I give you credit for, you know." She nudged me in the rib with an elbow.
I felt a small smile tug at my lips at her closing comment. "Yeah, I'm actually an upstanding citizen, I swear."
"Now that might be pushing it one step too far…" she said amusedly. I laughed, and the mood lightened.
"So… I'll stop by club tomorrow after school then."
"Okay.. Just don't stay too long."
I leaned back into the couch and draped my arm lazily over Hiratsuka-sensei's shoulder. I waited a second, perhaps expecting a rebuff, but was met with none. Instead, she leaned her head down slightly to rest on my chest. I tensed a little, but before long, relaxed enough to place an arm over the small of her back.
It wasn't often that we did this sort of thing – the whole cute, physical contact type deal. Though that's not to say that we weren't a physical couple, because that wasn't strictly true either. I gathered from our time together that Hiratsuka-sensei was definitely a physical person, maybe even egregiously so. However, it just didn't seem to extend to realms outside of the bedroom. The whole hand holding, cuddling thing just wasn't for her, and I was… okay with that. I suppose I had never been much of a touchy person myself so it wasn't a deal breaker for me.
But still, even when we were in the privacy of her apartment, it wasn't often that she would initiate any small, physical contact aside from a brief squeeze of the shoulder, or more rarely a peck on the lips. The only time we went beyond that was when we were engaging in less polite activities.
She was a do or die type of woman, and I liked that about her. But in that moment, with my arm around her shoulder, and the fresh scent of her balmy shampoo drifting into my nostrils, I felt content for what had felt like the first time in a while. I sighed.
"You… would never hurt me, would you?"
My arm that was absently rubbing her side, stilled suddenly. I looked down at her face confusedly, wondering if I correctly heard what she had whispered. "Er, what?"
"That day at the festival, you told me that you'd never leave me," she said softly. Although the sounds of the television were in fact loud, I could hardly hear them, my ears instead focused on Hiratsuka-sensei's soft words. "It sounded like you meant it too."
Did I say that? When…
My brain entered a flurry of activity as it tried to recall the exact words that had been said that night. I vaguely remembered saying something along those lines, but the exact context was unclear. And not only that, but that whole night was sort of a blur to me at this point, it having been many weeks ago, and having ended like it did. I didn't mean to come off as insensitive or anything, I really didn't, but it just didn't exactly sound like something I would say. At a loss for words, I simply kept my awkward silence.
"Did you mean it?" she whispered so softly I could barely hear it.
I paused. "Yes," I answered in spite of myself. I felt her arm wrap tighter around my own and although I couldn't see her face, I could practically feel a small smile emerge on it.
"Thank you Hikigaya." Her voice was still soft. "I know that I might not be the easiest person to get along with, but… I'm glad you're here. With me."
I bristled at her honesty. "Yeah. Me too."
We both laid there on her plush couch for a while, watching the moving images and cartoonish sounds on the television, but not really paying them much attention. Once again, it was Hiratsuka-sensei who shattered that uneasy quiet.
"Don't stay too long at club tomorrow okay?" Her voice was soft, but held the faintest hint of some emotion.
"Yeah…" I started. "I won't. Just long enough to greet them and read for a little bit, and then I'll head home."
"Okay. Good," she sighed. "I'm… going to ask Katsuoro if I can leave the meeting early tomorrow. I can't skip it, but I'll try to come back early alright?" she asked, this time her face leaning up slightly to look at mine. "Maybe we can… do something fun," she said with a small smile. Whether that meant what I hoped it meant, or something else, I wasn't completely sure.
"Sounds good to me," I answered, relaxing a bit. "Just text me when you get back."
She nodded, and snuggled further into me. I held her, and although that feeling of contentedness from before wasn't as strong this time, it was definitely still there. Somewhere.
As I had done so many times before, I paused in front of the clubroom's wooden door, my hand hovering slightly above the handle.
It had been weeks since I had shown up to club – for afterschool meetings, or otherwise. Sure I had seen Yuigahama in class every day, but we hadn't really said much to each other in the mean time barring the occasional, expected greeting.
It wasn't me being cruel, and it certainly wasn't Yuigahama being cruel, but with club being the only real concrete thing tying us together, it wasn't surprising that we didn't have many opportunities to talk. That was just the way things went. She was busy with her life, the service club, and whatever else, and I was busy with my own life and my own issues.
It was nobody's fault that we had drifted apart in the last month, but… as I stood there in the empty hallway, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of nervousness anyways.
The other side of the coin, Yukinoshita, was of course, another thing to consider. We weren't in the same class, so I had seen her even less. Far less actually. I thought I saw her walking briskly through the school parking lot once when Yuigahama had been signed out early, but that could have been my imagination. And even if it weren't, the fact was that for a while now, we hadn't seen each other or even had a chance to exchange pleasantries. I didn't quite know how to feel about that.
I sighed, minding to stay quiet in case they might hear. After all, I could easily hear their animated talking and laughing through the wooden door; it wasn't a stretch to think that they could do the same.
I reached to grasp at the handle, but once again, I paused.
Was it rude of me to barge in on them after not showing up for so long? What would they think? Would they even care? Do they even care? Why do I care?
And why do I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment here?
I shook my head in a final attempt to clear my thoughts. With one last, large breath, I opened the panels and slid the door open.
Upon coming in, the voices that were previously echoing off the walls ceased. Yuigahama and Yukinoshita looked at me with surprised expressions on their faces.
"Yo," I said as I stood at the cusp of the door.
I made no motion to sit in my seat. Unlike the last time I had been here – nearly a month ago – I felt no strong desire to immediately walk over to the chair and sit down. It wasn't a given anymore.
"Oh. Uh, hi Hikki," Yuigahama said with an awkward smile. Her normally bubbly voice held an expected hint of surprise, but there was something else hidden in her tone and features.
"Hello Hikigaya-kun."
Yukinoshita was the second to offer a greeting. Her voice didn't at all sound strained, but nor did it sound welcoming or even sarcastic. It was simply neutral.
I took in a short breath. "Yeah, hi," I said quietly. I tried to force a small smile, but I was sure it ended up looking rotten the second it reached my lips. I took a breath before sighing out. Might as well get this over with…
"Uh, yeah. I don't really have a good excuse or anything, but I'm sorry I haven't been attending the club meetings," I said. Even I was beginning to grow tired of my half-assed apologies.
If either of them had heard me, neither made a move to indicate it. Instead, they just sat still and stared at me with seemingly vacant eyes.
"So...uh. I apologize for my absence," I tacked on lamely.
I bowed my head slightly in a show of respect, hoping they would go easy on me. Yuigahama, I was sure wouldn't hold any ill will, but I wouldn't have been surprised if Yukinoshita immediately launched into an attack on my character at the first hint of weakness I displayed. None came, however.
"I see. It's… nothing to concern yourself over."
"Um, yeah don't worry about it Hikki."
I blinked, surprised that my absence and apology had gone over so well. If anything, they didn't seem to be particularly concerned by it at all.
"Oh. Okay, thanks," I said, absently rubbing at the back of my neck. "Sorry again."
"Like I said, it's fine."
I wanted to sigh, but I found myself not actually feeling all that relieved for some reason.
After awkwardly standing in front of the door for a moment, I realized that I still hadn't taken a seat yet. I turned my eyes to my normal spot… and like last time, no chair occupied the space.
"D-Do you mind if I grab a chair?" The stutter came out of nowhere.
With a lazy blink, Yukinoshita answered. "Help yourself."
"Okay… Thanks."
After setting up the folding chair in what used to be my usual spot, I pulled a book from my bag and attempted to pick up from where I had left off last, but like before, I ended up with little to show for my efforts as my mind simply refused to focus on the printed text.
Not many words were exchanged in the course of the meeting. The absence of conversation didn't necessarily mean that a situation was automatically awkward, but suffice to say, this silence wasn't a comfortable one by any means. I had a nagging suspicion that the person responsible for that was not amongst the two people sitting to my left.
Though if any of us felt uncomfortable, none said anything to show it. I sighed, and let the slow passage of time have its way with me. Pages were flipped, but no information was absorbed.
Eventually, when the silent atmosphere in the room threatened to suffocate me with every breath I took, I flipped my wrist over suddenly.
Upon checking my wristwatch and seeing that a fair amount of time had passed, I decided that I would leave. Although I might have tried to justify it by saying that I had promised Hiratsuka-sensei that I wouldn't stay too long, I knew that that was an excuse. That wasn't the reason that I had chosen to leave early.
Yukinoshita and Yuigahama nodded. Their farewells were clipped, as was mine.
As the creaky paneled doors of the clubroom closed shut, I let out a sigh that I hadn't even known I was holding before filling my lungs with a deep breath. As horribly depressing and overdramatic as it sounded to say, that breath was the first comfortable one I'd had since I had first entered the room. I sighed out again as I made my way through the halls and then to the school bike racks.
It wasn't long before I found myself pedaling down the streets of Chiba, my mind feeling heavy. As I stopped at an intersection, I remembered something.
Oh yeah… Hiratsuka-sensei wanted me to come over later.
Her apartment was pretty far from my house, so it honestly wouldn't make all that much sense if I biked all the way home, then had to bike all the way back. Her apartment was relatively close to the school, so I'd be better off sticking around somewhere in the area, killing some time, and then heading over there once I was told to do so. That was the most logical choice, and would certainly be the smartest thing to do.
Something in me twisted, and I continued pedaling towards my house after mounting my bicycle.
Honestly, if I showed up to her apartment in the mood I'm in right now, we'd probably just end up fighting again. I'll… text her later. Yeah. I'll tell her that I was tired, and that I wasn't feeling up to it. She'll understand…
Upon entering the front door, I saw a note taped to the fridge, the girlish, fancy script indicating that it had most likely been left by Komachi. Upon picking it up, I saw that it simply read:
'Out. Be back sometime later. Don't wait up Onii-chan ;)~'
I tore it up, and deposited the pieces into the trash bin before making my way upstairs and plopping myself onto my springy mattress. Not even bothering to strip off my school uniform, I laid in bed, an idle eye turned towards a familiar white ceiling.
With a frustrated sigh, I settled into the cool sheets, allowing the shadowy sinews of sleep to whisk me from my waking life.
Ahh that really hurts… I rubbed my fingers back and forth over my sore neck as I walked through the hallways of Sobu's main building.
Although I had collapsed immediately after coming home last night and had slept for much longer than I normally did, I still ended up incredibly tired this morning.
The reason why wasn't surprising. Simply put, the sleep that I'd had last night hadn't been a good one at all. I ended up tossing and turning for a while before I finally succumbed to exhaustion, and when I did finally fall asleep, I was so restless that I couldn't keep my eyes closed for more than a few minutes at a time before waking up in a hazy state. And as if that weren't bad enough, I had also been woken up multiple times by a shrill, pinging ringtone that clearly came from my cellphone.
I ended up covering my head with a pillow when it wouldn't stop going off (and it was persistent) and didn't bother to spare it a second glance, but call it instinct or what have you, but I had immediately known that it was Hiratsuka-sensei calling to ask about my absence. After all, I had told her that I would join her later.
Upon checking my missed notifications this morning, my suspicions were confirmed. Eleven missed calls and nineteen texts were registered in my call logs, most of them reading something along the lines of 'Where are you?' 'Where the hell are you?' 'WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?' and 'I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE RIGHT NOW'.
They only started petering out after eleven.
Perhaps were the situation different, I might've been tempted to call Hiratsuka-sensei 'clingy' or 'possessive' or possibly even 'batshit crazy', but I couldn't do so in good conscience because it really was my fault after all. Any moral high ground I might've held was forfeited with my actions last night. I sighed as I threaded through the rapidly diminishing crowd of students.
It really was a crappy thing for me to do, ditching her and not even responding or offering her any avenues of communication afterwards. I knew I had screwed up, but when morning came around, I didn't end up calling her or replying to any of her texts. It wasn't out of spite or anything. I just felt that apologizing over the phone rather than face-to-face would probably just make her even angrier, so I elected to wait until later.
I hadn't had a chance to explain myself during class, or lunch, her having given me the cold shoulder all day, so I decided that I would visit her in her office afterschool and make a big deal out of begging for clemency. She struck me as the type of person who would enjoy spectacles, so I ended up buying her a box of chocolates from a nearby drug store during lunch break as well.
I decided to take the longer route to Hiratsuka-sensei's office, musing that it might give me more time to word my apology in a way that wouldn't spur Hiratsuka-sensei to smack me over the head. As I walked through that nearly deserted hallway, my hands tucked deep into my pockets, I wondered to myself if we were the most dysfunctional couple in the world.
When I finally neared the entrance to her office, I heard voices – two familiar ones.
Slowing my pace, I instinctively leaned against the side of the wall, out of view.
"-have been doing fine. Thank you for asking."
"I see. Well, what can I do for you?"
I blinked as those voices registered in my mind. That last one was unmistakably Hiratsuka-sensei's, and the first voice had to have been Yukinoshita's. Even without directly seeing her, it was hard to mistake that distinctly intelligent cadence of speech.
Judging from the tone of the conversation, it seemed as if I had caught the two just as they were exchanging pleasantries. Not wanting to interrupt them, I stood around the corner and continued listening in as I leaned my shoulder against the wall.
"Well. Erm…" Uncharacteristically, Yukinoshita trailed off before completely finishing her thought. I noticed a vague uneasiness present in her tone that I normally didn't associate with her otherwise cool voice. She cleared her throat softly before continuing. "There are some issues regarding the Service Club that I would like to discuss with you."
I could practically hear Hiratsuka-sensei's eyebrow rise in response to Yukinoshita's statement. "Oh. Is that so," she spoke, her voice even. After a brief pause she asked, "Is there a problem?"
Yukinoshita didn't answer the question immediately, instead choosing to sigh slightly. I could imagine her wrapping her arms around herself like she did when she began to feel awkward which, admittedly, wasn't all that often. Still, whatever it was that she was looking to bring up, clearly it was something important and from what she'd said, apparently it had to do with the club.
My interest was piqued as well.
"Yes, I believe so," she started, her voice once again coldly calm and collected. I heard someone take a quiet breath.
"Simply put, I would like to request that Hikigaya-kun be removed from active duty within the Service Club."
I felt my eyes widen and my body freeze up immediately as I heard those words pour from Yukinoshita's mouth. Huh?
She… she wanted to remove me from the club…?
While I would be a fool to say that the last few meetings I'd attended had gone swimmingly, I didn't think that the other two felt so strongly about it that they were willing to do something so…extreme. Was my behavior really that intolerable that Yukinoshita wanted me out?
Despite myself, I felt a dull sensation in my chest. A person that I had thought I got along decently with was essentially dismissing me like yesterday's garbage—and doing so behind my back to top it all off.
Hiratsuka-sensei must've felt similarly because she asked, "Come again?"
I heard someone take a small intake of air. "Hikigaya-kun showed up to club yesterday. It was the first time he had done so in over three weeks."
"Uh huh…" Hiratsuka-sensei nodded and didn't say anything else, as if prompting for the other girl to continue.
"I had assumed – perhaps unfairly – that he had quit the club since he wasn't showing up to the meetings for weeks at a time. However, I was proven wrong by his unexpected presence in the clubroom yesterday afternoon."
Quit three weeks ago… What? That wasn't it at all. I had just been busy and had had a lot on my plate. Despite my previous posturing when I had first joined, I never did truly want to flat out quit the Service Club. I thought Yukinoshita had at least understood enough about me to know that I wouldn't just quit with so much blasé. That I wasn't the type of person who would do that…
Yukinoshita breathed out. "It seems that Hikigaya-kun no longer has a desire to actively engage as a member of the Service Club," she said. "I believe it would be best for everyone involved if he were no longer forced into mandated service." She paused for a second, and silence engulfed both the office and the hallways that surrounded it.
"You're telling me that you want me to remove Hikigaya from the club," Hiratsuka-sensei said slowly. "Behind his back."
"Yes."
"Huh," Hiratsuka-sensei said. "You really are as stuck up as everyone says, aren't you?"
"...Pardon?"
It was made obvious by Yukinoshita's tone that she was taken aback by Hiratsuka-sensei's statement. And for that matter, so was I.
I blinked in surprise.
"Do you really think that this is your decision to make? That just because you stroll into my office and blink your eyelashes a few times that I'll just do what you want and what's best for you?"
"I…" The confusion was evident in Yukinoshita's tone. "Sensei, I don't understand wh—"
"Listen," Hiratuska-sensei said coldly. "I'm the advisor for the Service Club. That means that I get to make any and all executive decisions," she continued tightly. "You on the other hand, don't get a say unless I say you get a say." Her tone was unmistakably sharp. "Where do you get off trying to tell me how to do my job, and whining about how 'it would be best for everyone if we removed Hikigaya'?" She said those last words in a crude imitation of Yukinoshita's voice.
There was a brief pause as Yukinoshita collected her thoughts. "I… " Her normally proud and boisterous tone sounded significantly diminished as she fumbled over her words. "I…apologize if I was being disrespectful Hiratsuka-sensei," she said. "I did not mean to undermine your position as advisor," she apologized quietly. "However, as the advisor, I thought that you would be more familiar with the… issues, that have arisen lately."
In a blinding contrast to Yukinoshita's overly polite tone, Hiratsuka-sensei let out a derisive snort. "Are you implying that I don't know how to do my job?"
The younger girl paused. "No, I didn't mean to imply anything like that," she said quietly. "However, the truth is that you haven't been actively involved with the club recently. Every request that we've received in the past month has been directly from the computer or from meetings with students who have come here on their own accord," she stated calmly. "Perhaps with your busy schedule, you haven't been able to observe what has been happening directly. Once again, I'm not trying to imply anything sensei, I would simply like to discu—"
Hiratuska-sensei cut her off. "Watch it, Yukinoshita…" she said in a low voice. Yukinoshita, for her part, did not offer an answer to the latent warning, instead electing to keep her silence. The two stayed quiet for a bit before Hiratsuka-sensei sighed and then continued. "What exactly are you trying to say again? Forgive me if I wasn't listening to your prattling all that seriously."
It was anyone's guess as to what Yukinoshita was thinking as she stared at Hiratsuka-sensei. A pregnant silence before, "I have reason to believe that Hikigaya-kun has been occupied with something lately that has interfered with either his ability or motivation to attend club."
I shifted my weight against the wall so that I could both see and hear better.
She continued. "I believe that we…you," she corrected herself. "should dismiss him from mandatory service."
"And what would that achieve?" Hiratsuka-sensei asked shortly.
"I think…" she paused. "It would be within the club's best interests if he were not forced into participating in something that he no longer wishes to engage in. This request is made with all of our interests in mind – not the least of which being Hikigaya-kun's."
Hiratsuka-sensei raised an eyebrow then scoffed so hard, it hurt me to hear it. "I didn't realize that you cared so much about little old Hikigaya." The voice was sharp and sarcastic. "I didn't realize you two were so close."
Once again, I found myself in a state of surprise. It almost sounded as if Hiratsuka-sensei held a vendetta against her or something. Sure, I was also taken aback when Yukinoshita had said that she'd wanted me removed from active duty, but her clarifications did make sense, even if they did little to assuage the pit in my stomach. From the limited information she had, it sounded like Yukinoshita was making a decision that would theoretically benefit everyone in question. Even though I didn't necessarily agree with it, I could respect it.
Obviously Hiratsuka-sensei didn't exactly share the sentiment, her acerbic tone being an obvious indicator, which brought me back to the question at hand… where did all this hostility come from?
"…No. We're… not." Yukinoshita said. She took a moment to collect herself before speaking again. "But as a peer and fellow club member, I do not think that he should be forced into something that he does not want to do. Especially when it interferes with the synergy of the remaining members. I believe this is what we all want," she concluded softly.
"And how exactly would you know what he wants?" Hiratsuka-sensei asked, her voice sounding shrill. "How would you know a thing about what he's thinking?"
Although she seemed to be taken aback again, Yukinoshita calmly answered, "I... do not claim to understand Hikigaya-kun," she said. "However, on a basic human level, I believe that I can understand his behavior. And that behavior lately hasn't been normal."
Hiratsuka-sensei scoffed. "Huh, that's rich coming from you," she said under her breath.
A pause before, "I don't understand what you mean."
"What I mean is that you're the last person who should be lecturing others on what's normal," she said suddenly. Blue eyes widened. "I mean, let's be honest. I know you Yukinoshita. You're a smart girl but your social skills aren't exactly top-notch or anything," she continued offhandedly. " Point is: you never even take a second to try and understand anyone around you, let alone let them get anywhere in striking range of understanding who you are," she said with a challenging glare. "Even so, I probably know you better than you know yourself, and I know that you don't understand a thing about that boy or what he wants," she finished evenly.
Yukinoshita matched her gaze. "I do not mean to be disrespectful sensei, but I highly doubt that you know me as well as you think," Yukinoshita said quietly.
"That's what they all say." Hiratsuka-sensei remained stoic and folded her arms over her chest.
After a few seconds Yukinoshita said, "If you wouldn't mind, I would like to get back to the topic at hand."
"Sure, Ms. Ice Queen. Let's do that," Hiratsuka-sensei said sourly. Yukinoshita bristled at the nickname. "So," Hiratsuka-sensei started evenly. "What if I told you that club was actually very important to him? What would you say to that?"
"I…" Yukinoshita seemed at a loss for words as she turned her gaze away from Hiratsuka-sensei's face. "I would tell you that with his excessive absences lately, it doesn't seem that way."
"Well, I can say on good authority that it is important to him, and you're being really selfish by trying to boot him out. He might not show it, but he's a sensitive guy. Trust me when I tell you that I know that for a fact."
Unsurprisingly, her words surprised me. It was true that club really was important to me, though that wasn't the issue I took with what she said. What made me pause for a second was Hiratsuka-sensei's confident assertion that the club did mean a lot to me.
I had told her time and time again how I'd wanted to go to club, and how much it meant to me. Well, perhaps not in those words exactly, but I felt that I had gotten my intention across clearly. However, no matter which way or how many times I said it, Hiratsuka-sensei only seemed to grow angrier when that topic was breached. Now, she was speaking as if Yukinoshita was the one who had prevented me from going, when in reality it had been her who had gotten pissy every time I'd gone so far as to mention Yukinoshita or Yuigahama's name.
It all just seemed hypocritical to me.
Yukinoshita paused, her face seeming to scrunch up slightly as she delved into thought. Although I didn't have a perfect view of her face from where I was leaning against the wall, I could tell that her expression tightened suddenly. For whatever reason, it looked like she was trembling slightly. "I see…" she said quietly.
She blinked a few times as she stood there, her figure tensing up so minutely that it was practically unnoticeable. Hiratsuka-sensei stayed seated in her chair with a neutral expression on her face as she regarded Yukinoshita's still form, her arms still folded over her chest. The stare down lasted for quite a while, both women simply regarding each other calmly until finally, Yukinoshita broke that silence.
She tilted her head and smiled. "Hmm, I find it sort of funny in a way."
"What?" Hiratsuka-sensei asked with a raised eyebrow.
"It's just that I believe that for all of your self-posturing and misguided beliefs about understanding Hikigaya-kun's character, you actually don't understand him much more than a stranger might," Yukinoshita said lightly, the slightest impression of a smile on her face.
Hiratsuka-sensei's eyes immediately shot open in surprise and her mouth opened to retort, but Yukinoshita didn't let her.
"Contrary to my wishes, I've spent over half of a year in his presence. As a fellow club member, I believe that I've come to know him rather well." Her face looked to be completely neutral as she spoke – perhaps even calculatingly so. "Say what you want about my selfishness, or my self-involvement, but the fact remains that through prolonged acquaintance, I have come to understand Hikigaya-kun rather intimately."
"What are you even—" Hiratsuka-sensei began before being interrupted.
"No offense Hiratsuka-sensei," Yukinoshita silenced her with a raised hand. "But compared to the bond we have created with one another in the past year, your superficial relationship with him pales in comparison," she continued. "I don't think you know him as well as you think. After all, you are only his teacher and nothing more."
Although Yukinoshita's eyes appeared hard and piercing, I thought they looked off somehow, as if they lacked that usual sadistic spark they possessed when she got like this. Her face still looked antagonistic and twisted, but I thought that her smile looked sad somehow.
I felt palpable unease as I turned to the face of the other woman in the room to gauge her reaction. And that reaction wasn't pretty.
Hiratsuka-sensei's eyes were wide in an expression of shock, her hand trembling slightly and curling up into what were undoubtedly fists. However, in an instant those wide eyes narrowed dangerously. "Bitch."
"...Excuse me?"
"You heard me. I said you're a bitch," she repeated loudly. Yukinoshita just stood completely still in response, seemingly stunned at Hiratsuka-sensei's malice. "You know what?" Hiratsuka-sensei continued. "I am going to take him out of the club, but listen up, it's not going to be because you asked me to do it. I'll do it just so I can get him away from you, you arrogant, selfish bitch."
My eyes widened in shock as I heard those biting, venomous words. This was… I couldn't find the words to describe what I'd just heard come from Hiratsuka-sensei's mouth. Despite all of our fighting, I'd never heard her speak with such malice and anger.
As I peered over the edge of the door and gazed at her twisted, snarling face, I found her completely unrecognizable.
"I see," Yukinoshita said quietly, her eyes suddenly flashing.
I turned my attention to Yukinoshita who gripped the strap of her bag ever so slightly tighter. Her shoulders were trembling harder than they were before. I bit my tongue to prevent myself from saying something and giving myself away.
"If that's all you need, you can kindly get out of my office now. Don't worry, I'll take Hikigaya out of your precious little club." Hiratsuka-sensei was the one to answer. "He's too good for that goddamn club anyways."
Without another word, Yukinoshita's slender legs began to carry her out of Hiratsuka-sensei's office. I could tell that they too were shaking, barely, but they were.
She approached the door, and in my stunned state, I found myself unable to move or hide or do anything to get away from where I was currently positioned.
When she paused at the threshold of the door, I felt myself freeze completely.
She stopped when she saw me standing beside the door, her eyes regarding me emotionlessly. Her cheeks were faintly pink, and I thought I could see just the slightest layer of moisture in the corners of her ice-blue eyes.
With a measured blink and the tiniest of smiles, she departed off into the long hallway, her sneakers tapping softly against the polished linoleum.
I wanted to go after her or confront Hiratsuka-sensei about what had just happened or anything, but I simply found myself unable to move from where I stood, feeling almost as if my feet were cemented to the floor.
With a blink, I tossed the red box of chocolates into the garbage bin outside of Hiratsuka-sensei's office before making my way out of the building.