"They say love makes you blind. Since I'm already there, I assume love—or whatever this adrenaline spike is—will give me echolocation. Or at least the ability to tolerate Mondays. Spoiler alert: It's mostly just heartburn and anxiety."
> — Maria's Notes, Entry #51
>
Part 1: The Monday Morning daddy
Something is wrong with my body.
Usually, Monday mornings are a physiological rejection of existence. My alarm goes off, and my soul tries to leave my body through my nose to escape the coming week. My bones feel heavy. My bed feels like a magnet.
But today?
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I slap the alarm clock. I sit up.
I'm awake.
I'm... energetic?
My heart is doing a weird rumba rhythm against my ribs. Thump-thump-cha-cha-cha.
I place a hand over my chest. Am I dying? Is this cardiac arrest? Did I accidentally eat caffeine powder?
No. I know this feeling. I've read about it in books.
Excitement.
I am excited to go to school.
I swing my legs out of bed. The floor is cold, but I don't cringe. I navigate to the bathroom with the grace of a gazelle, not bumping into the doorframe even once.
Why?
I grab my toothbrush. I squeeze the paste. Minty, chemical freshness.
Why am I happy?
The answer pops into my head, wearing a leather jacket and smelling like burnt toast.
Yu-ri.
I freeze, toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.
Oh no.
I actually want to see her.
I pause. I stare into the darkness that is my vision.
Correction: I can't "see" her. I can't see anything. I can't see her scary face, or her bleached hair, or the scar she probably has on her eyebrow.
But I want to hear her gargling-gravel voice. I want to smell that weird mix of strawberry shampoo and danger. I want her to hand me something disgusting and tell me to eat it.
This is pathetic. I am a seventeen-year-old girl gushing over a delinquent who probably eats rocks for breakfast.
"Maria?" Mother calls from downstairs. "You're up early! Is everything okay? Did you wet the bed?"
I spit out the toothpaste.
Did I wet the bed? The woman has zero faith in me.
I grab my phone/speaker combo and march downstairs. The smell of miso soup and grilled salmon hits me. It's comforting.
I sit at the table.
"You're smiling," Mother says, sounding terrified. "Why are you smiling? Do you have a fever?"
I take a bite of rice. It's perfect. Sticky, warm, sweet.
I type on my keypad. The robotic voice fills the kitchen.
"I AM JUST FULL OF THE JOY OF YOUTH, MOTHER. DO NOT PANIC."
"That's... wonderful," she stammers. "Oh! Don't forget, I ironed your scarf. It's going to be cold."
I finish eating in record time. I grab my bag. I grab my cane. I check my pocket to make sure I have the Muscular Pikachu keychain Yu-ri won for me. It's there. Ugly and lumpy. Good.
I walk out the door. The air is crisp. It smells like frost and exhaust fumes.
I am going to see Yu-ri.
I tap my cane on the pavement. Clack. Clack. Clack. The rhythm is upbeat.
I am a tragic, poetic, blind girl on her way to meet her hooligan best friend. It's like a bad anime plot. And I am absolutely living for it.
Part 2: The Intervention of the Bish
The mood lasts exactly until I get to my locker.
I am changing my shoes. I am humming. Actually humming. I don't know the song, it's just a vibration in my throat.
Then, the air pressure changes.
Someone is standing too close.
I smell it. The scent of floral fabric softener, peach lip gloss, and judgment.
Sato. The Class Rep. The Fun Police. The Bish.
"Maria-chan," she coos. Her voice is dripping with that fake, sugary concern that makes my skin crawl. It's the vocal equivalent of stepping in wet socks.
I don't turn around. I keep changing my shoes. Maybe if I ignore her, she'll evaporate.
"Maria-chan, can I talk to you? Just for a second? Before homeroom starts?"
I sigh. I slide my uwabaki on. I stand up and turn toward the smell of peaches.
I nod. Get it over with.
"It's about... well, it's about your new friend," she whispers, like we're discussing a drug deal. "That delinquent. Yu-ri."
I stiffen.
"I've noticed you hanging out with her," Sato continues. "And I just... I'm worried, Maria. I have a duty as Class Rep to look out for the vulnerable students."
Vulnerable.
My hand tightens on my cane.
"Yu-ri is... well, she's not a good person," Sato says confidentially. "She's violent. She hits teachers. She has a criminal record, probably. And you... you're so innocent, Maria. You're fragile."
Fragile.
"I think she's taking advantage of you. Maybe she thinks it's funny to drag the blind girl around. It's cruel. I don't want you to get hurt. I think you should stop talking to her. Come sit with us at lunch today. We'll take care of you."
Take care of me. Like a hamster. Like a broken doll.
I feel a heat rising in my chest. It's not the warm, fuzzy heat of excitement I felt this morning. It's a hot, jagged heat.
Anger.
How dare she?
How dare she assume I'm a victim? How dare she assume Yu-ri is a villain?
Yu-ri treats me like a human. She punches machines for me. She describes the world in insults. She let me touch the pudding incident.
Sato treats me like a charity case to boost her own ego.
I reach for my tablet. My fingers are shaking, not from fear, but from the urge to swing my cane at her shins.
I type furiously.
Sato waits, probably expecting me to type: Thank you, Sato-san. You are so wise.
I hit the button.
"SATO. QUESTION."
"Yes?" she asks sweetly.
"DOES IT HURT?"
"Does what hurt?"
"BEING SO FULL OF SHIT."
The silence that follows is delicious. It's heavy and thick. I can practically hear her jaw hitting the floor.
"M-Maria!" she gasps. "That language! Who taught you that? It's her, isn't it? It's that Yu-ri!"
I'm not done. I type again.
"YU-RI DOES NOT TREAT ME LIKE A PET. YOU DO. YOU CALL ME FRAGILE. YOU CALL ME INNOCENT. I AM NEITHER. I AM JUST BLIND."
"I... I'm trying to protect you!"
"I DON'T NEED YOUR PROTECTION. I NEED YOU TO BACK OFF. YU-RI IS MY FRIEND. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME."
I take a step forward. I can feel her retreating.
"AND IF YOU CALL ME VULNERABLE ONE MORE TIME, I WILL RUN OVER YOUR TOES WITH MY CANE. AND I WILL CLAIM I DIDN'T SEE YOU. BECAUSE I CAN'T."
"You... you're being unreasonable!" Sato squeaks. "Fine! Do what you want! But don't come crying to me when she bullies you!"
She stomps away. Clomp, clomp, clomp.
I stand there in the hallway. My heart is racing again, but this time it feels like victory.
"Damn," a voice says from behind me.
I jump.
It's the gravel voice.
"I missed the first half, but the ending? Chef's kiss. 'Does it hurt being full of shit?' That's poetry, Maria. I'm tearing up."
I turn around.
"Yu-ri."
She's here. I smell the strawberries and smoke.
"Yo," she says. "You okay? You're vibrating."
I take a deep breath.
"I AM ANGRY."
"Good," Yu-ri says. "Anger looks good on you. Makes your cheeks pink. Did you really threaten to run over her toes?"
I nod.
"Nice," she laughs. A hand lands on my head, ruffling my hair aggressively. "Let's go to class. I stole a bag of gummy worms from my cousin. I want to see if you can guess the flavors by texture alone."
I smile. The anger vanishes, replaced by that rumba rhythm in my chest.
"LET'S GO."
Part 3: Chemistry and Chaos
Fourth period is Science. Specifically, Chemistry.
Usually, the teacher, Mrs. Hoshino, makes me sit in the corner with a Braille textbook while everyone else does experiments. She says the lab is "too dangerous" for me.
Too dangerous. As if I'm going to drink the beaker.
Today, we are doing reaction rates. Mixing things. Watching colors change.
"Okay, class," Mrs. Hoshino chirps. "Get into pairs. Maria-san, you can just listen from your desk..."
"Nah," Yu-ri's voice cuts through the room. "She's with me."
"Yu-ri-san," the teacher sighs. "We are working with hydrochloric acid today. It is corrosive. Maria-san cannot see what she is doing."
"I have eyes," Yu-ri says. "I'll be her eyes. She has hands. She can pour stuff. Unless you think she's incompetent?"
The class goes quiet. Yu-ri has weaponized social awkwardness. If the teacher says yes, she's discriminating.
"Fine," Mrs. Hoshino grumbles. "But be careful. Goggles on."
I feel a pair of plastic goggles being shoved onto my face. They pinch my nose.
"Okay, partner," Yu-ri whispers as she drags a stool next to me. "Here's the mission. We have to mix Liquid A with Liquid B and see how fast it turns blue. Since you can't see blue, you're the muscle."
"THE MUSCLE?"
"Yeah. You hold the beaker. I pour the acid. If it starts sizzling, throw it at Sato."
"THAT IS ILLEGAL."
"Only if we get caught. Okay, hold this."
She places a cold glass cylinder in my hand. It feels heavy.
"Okay, I'm pouring the magnesium strips in. Listen."
I lean in. I hear a faint fizzzzzzz. Like a soda being opened, but angrier.
"Is it bubbling?" I ask via the speaker.
"Like a jacuzzi from hell," Yu-ri confirms. "Okay, now we gotta add the acid. But we gotta measure it. Use your fingers."
"MY FINGERS?"
"Not in the acid, genius. On the outside of the tube. Feel the temperature change. Tell me when it gets hot."
This is... actually science. I'm actually participating.
I wrap my hands around the glass. Yu-ri pours something. I hear the liquid slosh.
The glass begins to warm up. It goes from room temperature to warm, then to hot.
"IT IS GETTING HOT."
"Keep holding it. We need it to reach 'ouch' levels."
"THAT DOES NOT SOUND SCIENTIFIC."
"Trust the process."
I hold it. The heat radiates into my palms. It feels alive. Usually, I just hear people saying "Oh, look, it's changing color." That means nothing to me. But heat? Heat is real.
"Okay, it's turning blue," Yu-ri narrates. "Like... ocean blue. No, wait. Toilet bowl cleaner blue."
"POETIC."
"Now it's bubbling up. Whoa. It's rising."
"SHOULD I BE WORRIED?"
"Maybe. Keep holding it."
Suddenly, there is a loud POP.
"Ah!" Yu-ri yelps.
I flinch, nearly dropping the beaker. "What? What happened?"
"It popped!" she laughs. "A bubble burst and splashed the table. We're good. We're alive."
"Yu-ri-san!" The teacher is rushing over. "What are you doing?"
"Science, Teach," Yu-ri says calmly. "We're doing exothermic reactions. Maria is monitoring the thermal output. We're geniuses."
Mrs. Hoshino looks at us. She looks at me, holding the hot beaker, wearing crooked goggles, grinning like an idiot. She looks at Yu-ri, who is wiping a blue stain off the table with her sleeve.
"Just... don't set the school on fire," the teacher sighs.
"No promises," Yu-ri mutters.
She leans close to my ear. Her voice drops to a whisper.
"You doing okay, defect? Hands burning?"
I shake my head.
"I'M OKAY. IT FEELS LIKE MAGIC."
"It's chemistry, stupid," she says, but her tone is soft. "Okay, next experiment. Let's see what happens if we mix the leftovers with my gummy worms."
"ABSOLUTELY NOT."
"Coward."
Part 4: The Roof and The Realization
Lunchtime.
Usually, the roof is locked. But Yu-ri knows how to pick the lock with a hairpin. She says it's a life skill.
We are sitting on the concrete. The wind is strong up here. It whips my hair across my face. It feels like freedom.
We are eating melon bread.
"So," Yu-ri says, mouth full. "Sato really tried to get you to dump me?"
I nod. I pick at the crust of my bread.
"She said I was a bad influence?"
I nod again.
"She said I was gonna hurt you?"
I nod a third time.
Yu-ri is silent for a moment. All I hear is the wind and the distant traffic.
"Do you believe her?" she asks.
Her voice is different. It's missing the usual swagger. It sounds... quiet. Almost unsure.
I stop eating.
I turn toward her. I can't see her face, but I know she's looking at me. I know she's waiting.
This is the girl who fought a Vice Principal. The girl who walks me home. The girl who describes the world in insults so I can laugh.
I put down my bread. I pick up my tablet.
I don't use the robotic voice. I turn the screen toward her so she can read it. It feels more personal.
SHE SAID YOU ARE DANGEROUS.
SHE SAID I AM VULNERABLE.
I type the next part slowly.
I AM BLIND, YU-RI. I LIVE IN THE DARK. EVERYONE WALKS ON EGGSHELLS AROUND ME. THEY ARE SCARED TO BREAK ME. THEY WHISPER.
YOU DON'T WHISPER. YOU YELL. YOU HAND ME HOT BEAKERS. YOU DRAG ME TO ARCADES. YOU TREAT ME LIKE I CAN SURVIVE.
SATO THINKS YOU ARE DANGEROUS.
BUT TO ME?
YOU ARE THE SAFEST PERSON I KNOW.
I hold the tablet there for a long time. The wind blows.
Finally, I hear a sniff.
Then another sniff.
"Damn it," Yu-ri chokes out. "There's... there's dust in my eye. It's the wind. Shut up."
I smile.
"CRYBABY."
"I will throw you off this roof," she says, her voice thick with tears. "I swear to god, Maria. I will drop you."
"YOU WOULD MISS ME."
"Yeah. I guess I would."
She blows her nose loudly into a tissue.
"Okay. Moment over. No more feelings. Feelings are for losers."
She shuffles closer to me. I feel her shoulder press against mine. It's warm. Solid.
"By the way," she says. "I have a surprise for you."
"IS IT ANOTHER BURNT SAUSAGE?"
"No. Give me your hand."
I extend my hand. She places something in my palm.
It's small. Metal. Cold. It has buttons.
"What is this?" I type.
"It's an MP3 player," she says. "I found it at a thrift store. I loaded it up for you."
"WITH WHAT? DEATH METAL?"
"No. well, some metal. But mostly... I recorded some stuff."
I fumble for the earbuds. I put them in. I press play.
Click.
Yu-ri's voice fills my ears. It sounds clear. Close.
"Entry one. It's raining today. The sky looks like a bruised plum. The pavement smells like wet dog. There's a guy running for the bus, and he just slipped on a banana peel. Literally. It was hilarious."
Click.
"Entry two. We're in the park. The trees are turning red. They look like they're on fire. The wind feels like ice. There's a cat staring at me. It judges me. I hate it."
I pause the player.
My chest aches. It's a good ache.
She recorded audio descriptions of the world for me. But not the boring "the sky is blue" descriptions. Her descriptions. The bruised plums. The fire trees. The judging cats.
"You like it?" she asks nervously.
I grip the MP3 player tight.
"I LOVE IT."
"Good. Because I felt like an idiot talking to myself in the park."
She leans back against the fence.
"Sato can suck it," she says. "We're a team. The Defect Squad."
"THE DEFECT SQUAD."
I lean my head on her shoulder. Just for a second. She stiffens, then relaxes.
"Maria?"
"YES?"
"Are you happy?"
I listen to the wind. I feel the warmth of her shoulder. I hold the world she gave me in my hand.
"YES."
"Good. Now eat your bread before the crows steal it. I saw one eyeing your lunch. It looks like a felon."
I bite into my bread. It tastes like melon and victory.
I fuck with Yu-ri. And if anyone tries to stop us, they're going to have to go through the blind girl with the cane and the delinquent with the hydrochloric acid.
And honestly? I like our odds.
> End of Chapter 3