To make sure my daughter wouldn't notice, I'd locked the study door long ago after slipping inside.
If she caught even a glimpse of what I was about to do, it would spell absolute disaster.
The thick scent of books in here was more than enough to mask my shameful smell.
Most of them were my old specialty texts.
Books I no longer needed... but I just couldn't bring myself to throw them out.
-Beep- -Whirr-
This was an era of memory storage drives, but my computer still ran on a hard disk.
I'd kept it around just for basic searches, so there was no need to upgrade.
Click. Click.
I dragged the sluggish mouse around, rummaging through folders.
"It should still be here."
The video I'd hidden away in secret.
It was an AV clip.
Hardcore porn, to be exact.
A lifesaver from back when things had gone sexless with my wife.
"...There it is."
It'd been nearly ten years, so it was a pain to track down, but I found it.
The filename and folder were mixed in with regular system files, which made it a real hassle...
"Turn the sound way down... There we go. It's playing."
A Japanese porn flick.
The plot was about a woman who borrowed from a loan shark, fell into ruin, and paid off her debt with her body—a rape fantasy.
Watching it now, it felt a bit dated, but it still stirred my cock all the same.
I'd picked this one for two reasons.
First, the actress looked just like my ex-wife.
Second, seeing her get raped gave me this rush of conquering my wife.
Mina was nine back then.
Less than a year before the divorce.
I was at my breaking point mentally.
The more recognition I got at the hospital, the heavier my workload piled on.
It was overwhelming.
But I couldn't vent the work stress at home properly.
It would start to ease up... then snag.
The relief came from my daughter Mina.
The snag was my wife, Ayoung.
"What am I supposed to do if you can't even bring in decent money? If you're not gonna spend time or cash on the family, why'd you marry me in the first place? Huh?"
At first, she'd hint around it, but by then she was outright mocking me.
Even now, I don't think I earned peanuts back then.
But she insisted it wasn't enough.
And there was a reason for that.
She'd fallen for some young gym trainer and dumped all our money on him.
My ex-wife's sleazy side had a plausible excuse on the surface.
She pressured me, claiming it was all for our family and the kid.
That wife of mine wore me down to nothing.
I was cornered mentally.
Should I just kill myself?
Even had those rotten thoughts.
But every time I saw Mina come find me with that big smile, I'd snap out of it and regret it.
Yeah.
My daughter.
How heartbroken would Mina be if I vanished?
The one thing my wife and I fought over was our daughter.
Instant rice.
Microwave side dishes.
Freeze-dried soup.
That was fine for me.
But feeding the same crap to our daughter Mina? That was the problem.
I finally snapped.
"You're feeding this junk to a kid?!"
"It's because you don't bring home enough money!!"
Mina slipped off to her room during our fight.
She didn't cry or beg us to stop.
Mature for her age, I guess.
Creak.
Once the fight died down, Mina cracked her door open, peeked out, and sniffled.
"Daddy... don't fight... it's scary... Mina's... sad..."
"Oh, my poor girl... I'm sorry... Daddy's sorry."
I pulled her into a hug.
Mina buried her face in my chest like crazy.
Just like the puppy I'd raised when she was little.
I got furious all over again at that bitch for feeding such garbage to this adorable kid.
"Daddy... are you and Mommy splitting up?"
"No, nothing like that. Daddy just wants Mommy to treat you better, that's all."
"Are you splitting up?"
Mina's eyes locked on mine.
There was something off about them.
Like she was hoping for something.
But beneath that shine were brimming tears, so it sure sounded like a plea not to break up.
"No, it's not like that. Daddy, Mommy, and Mina—we're gonna live happily ever after."
She threw her arms around me.
"Daddy..."
"Yeah?"
"I love Daddy."
"I love you too, Mina."
Squeeze.
Mina tucked her head back into my chest.
Her tears started soaking my shirt.
"Daddy... don't throw me away."
I jumped.
She was only seven.
Way too mature words for a kid that age.
"Who taught you to say that?! Huh?! Who's talking about throwing you away? I never would! Why would I ditch my own daughter?!"
"Mommy said... if I don't listen... she'll throw me away..."
She wasn't even in elementary school yet...!
"That goddamn bitch!!!"
"Daddy... don't get mad... It's my fault!! I'm sorry...!! I'm sorry!!"
My rage boiled over, but I couldn't explode.
Not with Mina starting to cry again.
I had to soothe her.
That was when it started.
From then on, Mina made a habit of checking with me—begging me not to abandon her.
I wanted revenge.
I hated that wife of mine for backing me into a corner like this.
But for my daughter's sake... the only revenge I could take was a petty one.
Stress.
Rage.
Lust.
The one thing that fixed it all was rape porn where an actress who looked like my wife got thoroughly violated.
And that revenge fantasy was still just as potent right this moment.
"Ahh...! Hah!! Yamete (stop)...!! Hic!!"
The actress in the porn had cheated on her husband in the story, borrowed shady money, and blown it all with some guy named Gold Sun.
But then it turned out the loan shark and Gold Sun were in cahoots, and she ended up gang-raped in front of her tied-up husband.
"Hngh! Hngh! Hnnngh!!"
Watching her weep as they ravaged her mouth and pussy at the same time gave me this twisted thrill.
My middle leg was starting to poke out of my pajama pants.
"Never dreamed she'd actually be doing shit like this for real."
The first time I watched, I just thought, nah, no way that happens in real life.
But a year later, it did—to me.
My wife had used the financial control I'd handed her to cheat with that young gym trainer.
And she was planning to saddle me with debt and run off.
"Fucking slut... fucking slut..."
The wife on my monitor was drenched in the guys' cum.
Her screams, eyes squeezed shut—it drove my lust insane.
I pulled out my fully swollen cock.
Flaccid, it's tiny—no one suspects how big it gets.
But hard? It balloons like crazy.
Long and thick.
Not beer-can girth, but thicker than a toilet paper roll, and over 15cm long.
That's why I avoid getting erections at all costs.
Because when it happens... catastrophe.
My throbbing monster was hotter than my hand.
I started stroking it up and down.
"...Hidoi (so mean)... so cruel... ahh!! Ack!!"
The cum-soaked wife got pounded doggy-style again.
Unclear if it was cum or her juices, but it dripped to the floor in globs.
Slap slap slap slap.
"Hngh... hngh..."
Squelch! Squelch! Squelch! Squelch!
The wife's ass on screen jiggled like mochi, bouncing back into place over and over.
The faster it went, the quicker my hand pumped.
"Heh heh... iku...! I'm cumming!!"
"Haaaaahhh!!!"
"Hnnngh!!"
Spurt spurt!! Splurt!!
White semen shot out—onto the screen and beyond.
"Shit... shoulda grabbed tissues...!!"
It'd been so long since I jerked off, I'd forgotten.
With no tissue to catch it, my load splattered the keyboard and screen like it was glazing the wife's face in the video.
But it felt good.
Tremendous satisfaction.
A sense of accomplishment.
Conquest.
The AV actress resembling my wife on screen.
My cum splattered over her image.
It was like I'd defiled the wife who was gone now.
I stared at it for a good while.
Then it hit me.
It was all just delusion. What lingered was emptiness.
Suddenly, wiping the semen off the monitor and keyboard pissed me off.
But no choice.
I cleaned my dick with tissues and wet wipes, pulled up my pants.
Then tackled the mess on the keyboard and screen.
This computer was mine alone anyway.
Mina had her own high-spec one.
No reason for her to use this.
She never came in here to begin with.
So I gave it a half-assed wipe-down.
Semen wasn't even that dirty.
Lovers who really dig each other sometimes swallow it, after all.
"...?!"
I whipped around.
Felt like someone was staring.
Thankfully, no one behind me.
Of course not.
Door was locked.
No sound of it opening, so nobody came in.
"Just my imagination."
I finished cleaning up.
Tossed the used tissues and wipes in the trash.
Then slowly unlocked the door.
Click.
My heart dropped.
What was that noise?
From Mina's room.
I headed there slowly.
Through the slightly ajar door, Mina was fast asleep.
Phew. Good.
She hadn't woken up.
The tension—like I'd just run a spec ops mission—finally eased.
At first, it was guilt from the lust sparked by washing Mina.
But ending with revenge on my ex-wife? The guilt ebbed away like the tide.
I went back to the master bedroom and lay down.
King-size bed.
The marital bed we'd gotten for this house? Tossed it after the divorce.
Hated even looking at it with her scent all over.
[I'm scared to sleep alone. I wanna sleep with Daddy.]
So we bought a new one.
The biggest size in Korea: king-size.
[I love a big bed. One big enough to roll around with Daddy in.]
Mina was thrilled.
We slept together like that until her middle school days.
But... things blew up in her third year.
[Daddy... what's this?]
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Eunhyuk's study.
It was steeped in silence.
2 a.m.
Time when both Eunhyuk and Mina should be asleep.
Creak.
The study door opened.
It was Mina who entered.
She scanned the room once, said nothing, and slipped out.
Her face was stiff.