What if she didn't do that? What if she just... stopped? Stopped talking, stopped hoping, stopped feeling. What if she just shut it all down?
All those years of hiding, of convincing herself that maybe, just maybe... the other would consider her feelings. A foolish hope, a delusion her mind made up. Each time the other's words would crossed her thoughts, messing with her mind, disappointment settled in her heart, piercing it slowly, painfully, until it got stuck there.
It was easier like this, safe. To simply build a wall, to become numb and letting her do what she wanted.
No expectations, no vulnerabilities, and most importantly, no pain.
Lost in this familiar spiral thoughts, Min didn't notice the insistent buzzing of her phone until it had vibrated against her cheek for the third time.
Min sighed. She finally reach for the device as the screen lit up again, displaying Rina's name in bold letters.
She hesitated.
It had been almost two weeks since they'd last spoken, two weeks of carefully avoiding each other's gaze, of pretending that everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. And now, out of the blue, Rina was calling.
With a heavy heart, Min swiped to answer.
Silence.
The silence stretched on, thick and uncomfortable. Neither of them spoke, neither of them offered a greeting. It was as if they were both holding their breath, waiting for the other to break first.
"Min? Can you... come over...? My parents were back on their business trip."
Min glanced out the window, her neighbors house was indeed dead again. She knew what Rina wanted, what she always wanted when she was alone.
"Sure." Brief and cold. The blonde knew she shouldn't go, that it was a mistake, that it would only lead to more pain. But she couldn't help herself. She never could.
Min pushed herself off the bed and headed downstairs. The house was silent, everyone else asleep. She tiptoed downstairs, grabbing her keys and a hoodie from the coat rack. The click of the door latch seemed deafening in the quiet house.
Stepping outside, she was met with the cool night air. The street was mostly deserted, save for a lone car speeding by in the distance. Across the street, Rina's house sat, no lights were on, the windows dark and uninviting.
With a sigh, she crossed the street, each step felt heavy against the pavement.
As she reached the Yu's front door, she paused, her knuckles hovering just inches from the wood. She could still turn back. She could still choose to walk away.
Taking a shaky breath, she knocked softly, and then, before she even had a chance to process it, the door swung open, revealing Rina standing in the doorway.
Min stumbled, caught off guard by the sudden movement. Before she could regain her balance, warm arms wrapped tightly around her, pulling her close.
Then, Min felt it – the other's shoulder began to shake. She could hear the muffled cries, the choked sobs, the wet sniffles. Rina was crying.
"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said those words...to you... I didn't mean it, I didn't — I'm sorry..." Rina's voice cracked.
Min remained stiff. She didn't return the hug, didn't offer any words of comfort. Instead, she simply patted Rina's back, her gesture felt forced and empty.
The tears, the apologies – it was all too familiar. Min had been on the receiving end of Rina's remorse countless times before. And each time, she had allowed herself to be drawn back in, only to be hurt again.
"It's fine. I understand." Her voice flat, her words hollow.
Without waiting for a further response, Rina took Min's hand and led her into the living room.
The room was dimly lit, the only source of lights were the street lamps outside. Rina guided Min to the sofa, and they both sat down.
But even as they sat, Rina didn't release the blonde. She remained close, her body pressed against Min's side, her hand still clasped tightly in the other. It was too close, too intimate, too much. Min could already feel the warmth from Rina's body, the scent of her favorite sweet perfume, the weight of her presence.
The blonde wanted to pull away, to create some space between them, but she didn't. She simply sat there, uncomfortably rigid and unyielding, allowing Rina to cling to her, always, found herself unable to resist.
"I shouldn't have made you feel unimportant Min... I shouldn't have blown my frustrations to you... I'm sorry...if I... if I couldn't reciprocate your feelings towards me... I—"
"It's fine, Rina," Min cut her off, the words cold and dry. "I get it. You don't have to keep apologizing." She wanted to shut down the conversation, to avoid the messy, uncomfortable feelings that Rina's words stirred up.
Rina's grip on the other's hand tightened. "So... does this mean... can we still be friends? Like we were before — before all this... stuff?"
Min looked away, her gaze fixed on some random point on the opposite wall.
Could she really separate her feelings, shove them back into the box and pretend they didn't exist? Could she settle for friendship when the truth is, she wanted so much more?
Rina's pleading eyes were fixed on her, waiting.
"Yeah..." she said, forcing a small, tight smile. "We can still be friends."
But the words felt like a lie.
"How are things going with... Sunghoon?" Min asked, desperately changing the subject,or specifically wanted to know something.
The name left the blonde's mouth like a sandpaper. Sunghoon. The guy who had confessed his feelings first, the guy who had effortlessly captured Rina's attention, the guy who had, in Min's mind, stolen her away.
She tried to keep her expression neutral, but she could already feel her chest clenching. She wanted to know if Rina was happy, truly happy. But a part of her, a small, spiteful part, desperately hoped that things weren't as perfect as they seemed.
However, the brunette's lips curved upwards, a genuine smile spreading across her face.
"We're... happy. Thank you for asking."
Min feigned a smile in return, trying to mirror the other's, but it felt strained. She hated this, hated the charade, hated the fact that she was pretending to be happy for someone who had unknowingly broke her heart.
"Actually," Rina continued, her eyes suddenly sparkling with excitement, "we were just talking about this the other day. A bunch of us are planning a trip to Jeju next month. You know, like a friend's getaway. And I was wondering... if... would you want to come with us?"
The blonde wanted to scoff or snicker and say a word of sarcasm. Jeju. A beautiful island, a romantic destination, designed for hand-holding strolls on the beach and whispered sweet nothings under the moonlight.
The thought of being surrounded by Rina and Sunghoon, witnessing their happiness firsthand, was almost unbearable.
But then, another thought flickered in her mind. Maybe this could be a distraction. A chance to get away, to clear her head, to prove to herself that she could handle being around Rina without falling apart. Plus, she knew that some of her other friends would be going, so it wouldn't be a complete couples-fest.
"Hmm," Min hummed, pretending to consider the offer. "Jeju, huh? Sounds... interesting."
She paused, then added, "If I go, I'm bringing someone with me. Hope that's okay?" It wasn't a question, really, more of a statement of intent.
Rina's eyebrows shot up, surprise flickering in her eyes before she could mask it.
"Oh? Who are you thinking of inviting?"
Min met her gaze, challenging, and almost provoking.
"Miyeon."
Min watched as Rina's smile faltered, then vanished completely. She knew that Rina didn't particularly like Miyeon. In fact, she actively avoided her. Miyeon was too confident, too outspoken, too effortlessly cool for Rina's taste.
And that, of course, was precisely why Min had chosen her.
Rina didn't respond, didn't try to argue like she used to do whenever the blonde mentioned the girl.
"Oh, that's nice." She just sat there, just staring at the other, her lips pressed into a thin, disapproving line.
Min couldn't stand it anymore. The passive aggression, the silence, and the constant need to tiptoe her way around Rina's feelings.
Slowly, Min unclasped the brunette's tight grip on her hand, her fingers peeling away one by one. Then, she stood up.
"Right," The blonde said, her voice devoid of emotion. "It's getting late. I should probably get going."
She didn't wait for a response, didn't offer an explanation, didn't even bother with a goodbye. She just turned and walked towards the door, her hand reaching for the cold metal knob.
"Min..."
Rina's voice, soft and hesitant, stopped her in her tracks.
"Can... can you stay?Just... just for a little while? Like we used to? You know, when my parents were away?"
The words were tempting, an invitation to return to the warmth and comforting past that they shared.
Min's heart ached, but she forced herself to resist.
Without turning around, without allowing herself to meet Rina's gorgeous eyes, Min spoke.
"Rina," she said, "just because I said I could be your friend again doesn't mean we're ready to be... that close again. And honestly, I'm tired of always being by your side when you need me, but you're gone when I need you. Good night Yu."
With that, she opened the door and stepped out. Min knew that things had changed. The friendship they once shared was now tainted by unspoken desires and unrequited feelings. And she was trapped, caught in a web of her own making, unable to break free.
But.
If Rina wanted to play this game of cat and mouse, of hinting and withdrawing, of testing the boundaries of their relationship, then Min would play along. She wouldn't chase, wouldn't beg. She would meet Rina's games with games of her own.
If Rina wanted a challenge, then Min would give her one. If Rina wanted to see how far she was willing to go, then Min would show her. She wouldn't be the eager, desperate friend anymore.
The game had changed, and Min was ready to play by the new rules.