The mid-afternoon sun hung high over Training Ground Three, baking the earth until it cracked. The air smelled of dry grass and impending violence.
Kakashi Hatake stood by the memorial stone, his posture lazy, his single visible eye glued to the pages of Icha Icha Violence. He flipped a page with a practiced flick of his thumb, seemingly ignoring the two students standing across from him.
Sakura Haruno tightened her black gloves, the leather creaking. She stared at her sensei with burning determination. "We aren't the same kids we were three years ago, Kakashi-sensei," she declared, her voice sharp. "We're going to take those bells."
Naruto Uzumaki stood to her right. He was stretching, bending forward to touch his toes, which put him in a rather compromising position relative to Sakura. He tilted his head, looking upside down through his own legs at her.
"Hey, Sakura-chan," Naruto drawled, his voice carrying clearly across the silent training ground. "I gotta say... the view from back here? Magnificent."
Sakura's eyebrow twitched. She didn't blush; her face darkened with irritation. "Focus, you idiot! We are about to start!"
Naruto stood up, dusting off his hands, a grin plastered on his face. He walked a circle around her, nodding approvingly as he inspected her from behind, then stopping in front of her to frown critically at her chest.
"I'm just assessing our team's assets," Naruto said, crossing his arms like a general inspecting troops. "And I have to be honest, Sakura-chan. Your rear fortification? Kage-level. Truly. That is some serious heavy lifting back there. Big back energy. But..." He tapped his chin, looking at her chest with exaggerated disappointment. "It seems the construction budget ran out before they got to the front porch. It's still a little... aerodynamic. Are you sure you're eating enough papaya?"
"SHANNARO!"
The ground shook. Sakura didn't get shy; she got murderous. Her fist flew at Naruto's face with enough force to shatter a boulder.
"I'll kill you!" she shrieked.
Naruto didn't block. He simply swayed to the left, letting the fist whiz past his ear, the wind pressure ruffling his blond spikes. "Feisty! I like it! A woman with a temper implies passion!"
The Audience
Fifty yards away, sitting on a wooden bench under the shade of a large oak tree, sat the VIP spectators.
Jiraiya sat with his arms crossed, grumbling. "The brat has absolutely no shame. He's supposed to be analyzing Kakashi's stance, not Sakura's lack of curves."
Shizune, holding Tonton the pig, looked nervous. "Naruto is going to get himself killed before the mission even starts. Lady Tsunade, shouldn't we stop them?"
Tsunade Senju, the Fifth Hokage, sat in the center of the bench like a queen on a throne. She wore her green haori over her grey kimono top. She sat with her legs crossed, her arms folded firmly under her chest, pushing her massive assets up in a way that defied gravity and demanded attention.
"Let him talk," Tsunade said coolly, taking a sip from her travel flask of sake. "If he can't survive a punch from Sakura, he has no business being a ninja."
Next to her sat Kushina Uzumaki. The Red Hot Habanero was completely unbothered. She was meticulously peeling an orange, humming a tune, completely ignoring the fact that her son was currently sexually harassing his teammate.
"Did you see the price of radishes today, Tsunade?" Kushina asked casually, popping a slice of orange into her mouth. "It's robbery. I might have to threaten the grocer."
"Kushina," Tsunade sighed, "Your son is currently discussing the aerodynamics of his teammate's chest."
Kushina blinked, looking up briefly. "Oh? Boys will be boys. Do you want an orange slice?"
The Test Begins
"If you two are quite finished with your mating dance," Kakashi drawled, snapping his book shut. "Ready... Start!"
The air exploded.
Sakura punched the ground. "CHA!"
The earth shattered into jagged tectonic plates. Kakashi vanished in a blur of speed, reappearing on a high tree branch.
"Brute force," Kakashi analyzed. "Impressive, Sakura. You really have been training with the Hokage."
"Hey! Don't forget about the main event!"
Naruto didn't hide. He didn't use stealth. He stood dead center in the crater Sakura had created. He looked up at Kakashi, then glanced over at the bench. His blue eyes locked onto Jiraiya.
"Hey, Pervy Sage!" Naruto shouted, pointing a thumb at his chest. "You always brag about your research? Watch this! I've developed the ultimate technique to take down high-level opponents! Harem Jutsu: The Fifth Hokage Special!"
"Don't do it, Naruto!" Sakura yelled. "That never works!"
Naruto wove the signs. Ram. Snake. Tiger.
POOF!
A massive cloud of white smoke engulfed the clearing. When it faded, five figures stood there. But they weren't the usual naked blond girls.
They were perfect, high-definition replicas of Tsunade.
Each clone was dripping wet, as if they had just stepped out of a hot spring. They wore nothing but a single, precariously placed white towel that was slipping—just barely—off their shoulders. The steam rose off their skin in a way that made the air shimmer.
"Oh... darling..." The clones cooed in unison, looking up at Kakashi with sultry eyes.
On the bench, silence reigned for one second.
Then—
"PFFFFT!"
Jiraiya didn't just get a nosebleed; he erupted like a geyser. He fell backward off the bench, twitching on the grass, a dopey smile on his face as he lost consciousness.
"Filthy," Shizune shrieked, covering Tonton's eyes.
Kushina didn't even stop chewing her orange. She looked at the clones, then at the real Tsunade. "He really got the hair right," she commented idly. "Very accurate."
Tsunade's eyebrow twitched. A vein popped on her forehead. She didn't yell, but the sake cup in her hand turned to dust.
Up in the tree, Kakashi Hatake—the copy ninja, the man who had faced wars and demons—froze. His visible eye widened. His Sharingan couldn't help him now. The detail was too high. The towel was slipping too slowly.
He... he combined the Transformation Jutsu with a high-level genjutsu layer to enhance the skin texture... Kakashi's mind raced. This is... dangerous.
"Now!"
While Kakashi was paralyzed by the visual assault, the real Naruto flashed behind him. This was the speed of Minato Namikaze's son. No gimmicks. Just raw, terrifying speed.
"Leaf Village Secret Finger Jutsu!"
"Nani?!" Kakashi spun around, but it was too late.
"One Thousand Years of Death!"
Naruto didn't use his fingers. He had a kunai with a blast tag wrapped around the hilt. He jammed the hilt—hard—right into the Jonin's backside.
BOOM!
The explosion launched Kakashi out of the tree like a rocket. He arched through the air, smoke trailing from his vest, and splashed heavily into the river.
Naruto landed on the water's surface before Kakashi even bobbed up. He grabbed Kakashi by the vest, hauled him up, and snatched the two bells from his belt with his teeth.
Naruto jumped back onto dry land, spit the bells into his hand, and held them up.
"Game over!" Naruto announced.
The Aftermath
Naruto walked over to the bench, twirling the bells on his finger. He wasn't even out of breath. He looked smug.
"I win," Naruto said, stopping in front of the women.
Kushina finished her orange. "Good job, honey. You were fast. We're having beef stew tonight." She didn't mention the naked clones. To her, it was just a jutsu.
Tsunade, however, stood up. She towered over Naruto slightly in her heels. She emanated an aura of power that would make most men crumble.
"You have some nerve, brat," Tsunade said, her voice low and dangerous. "Using my image to distract an opponent? That's disrespectful to the office of the Hokage."
Naruto didn't flinch. He stepped closer, invading her personal space. He looked her right in the eyes, then let his gaze drop slowly, deliberately, to her chest, before coming back up.
"I just use the most effective weapons in the world, Miss Tsunade," Naruto said smoothly. "And let's be honest... you're a weapon of mass distraction. Kakashi-sensei didn't stand a chance. I barely stood a chance just making the clones."
Tsunade's eyes narrowed, but a corner of her mouth quirked up. She liked the insolence. She liked the hunger in his eyes. It was better than the fear everyone else showed her.
She reached out and grabbed his chin, her nails digging in slightly. She didn't pull him into a hug. She held him there, at arm's length, inspecting him like a prize horse.
"You're a smooth talker," she whispered. "But talk is cheap. You got the bells. Fine. But if you want to play with the big leagues... if you want a real reward... you have a lot more to prove."
"I'll prove it," Naruto promised, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "I'll become the strongest ninja in this village. I'll make you look at me. Only me."
Tsunade smirked, releasing his chin with a shove. "We'll see. Report to the tower tonight for your mission assignment. And put a shirt on that doesn't smell like river water."
"Yes, darling," Naruto winked.
Tsunade turned and walked away, her hips swaying with a mesmerizing rhythm. Naruto watched her go, unabashedly staring at her retreating figure.
"Stop drooling," Sakura snapped, walking up beside him and wiping dirt off her face. "It's disgusting."
"It's appreciation, Sakura-chan," Naruto corrected. "You should take notes. Maybe one day you'll grow into something worth staring at."
Sakura cracked her knuckles. "I'm going to strangle you."
The Uchiha Encounter
Later that afternoon, the sun began to dip, painting the village in orange hues. Naruto walked toward the Uchiha district with a bounce in his step.
He spotted them near the entrance of the compound. Sasuke Uchiha was standing stiffly, looking miserable, while his mother, Mikoto Uchiha, adjusted the collar of his high-necked shirt.
"Yo! Teme!" Naruto called out, waving.
Sasuke didn't look up. "Go away, loser. I'm busy."
"Sasuke, be polite to your teammate," Mikoto chided gently. She turned to Naruto and offered a warm, maternal smile. "Hello, Naruto-kun. Congratulations on passing your test."
Naruto ignored Sasuke entirely and walked right up to Mikoto. He leaned against the stone wall, crossing one leg over the other, posing.
"Hello, Auntie Mikoto," Naruto beamed. He scanned her outfit—a simple apron over a dark dress. "Wow. You look radiant today. Is that a new apron? It really highlights your... domestic goddess vibe. It fits you in all the right places."
Mikoto blinked, taken aback. A soft blush colored her pale cheeks. She wasn't used to this. "Oh... my. Naruto-kun, you really have become quite the charmer, haven't you? You sound just like your teacher."
"Please," Naruto scoffed. "Jiraiya wishes he had my charm. He has to pay for attention. I give mine freely to beautiful women."
He turned to Sasuke, who was staring at a tree, completely ignoring the conversation.
"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto said, nudging the Uchiha's shoulder. "Your mom is looking great. If you're too busy brooding about Itachi to appreciate her cooking, let me know. I'd be happy to come over for dinner. I bet her food tastes like heaven."
Sasuke finally looked at him, deadpan. "You are annoying. If you want to eat her food, ask her. I don't care."
Sasuke turned and walked away, hands in his pockets. "I'm going to train. Don't follow me."
Naruto shook his head. "He's so cold. A block of ice." He turned back to Mikoto and leaned in closer, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"Don't worry about him, Mikoto-san," Naruto said softly. "I'll look out for him on our missions. And while he's busy ignoring the world... maybe I can stop by and keep you company? A woman like you shouldn't be lonely."
Mikoto giggled, covering her mouth with her hand. She found his boldness amusing, harmless—or so she thought. "You really are a sweet boy, Naruto. Thank you for looking after Sasuke. You're always welcome for tea."
"I'll hold you to that," Naruto winked. "Tea. And maybe some dango."
He pushed off the wall and walked away, whistling. He knew exactly what he was doing.
The Mission Briefing
Night fell. The Hokage Tower was lit by a single lamp in the top office.
Naruto knocked on the door.
"Enter," Tsunade's voice commanded.
Naruto walked in. Shizune was there, organizing scrolls. Tsunade sat behind the desk, looking tired but sharp.
"You're late," Tsunade noted.
"I was securing diplomatic relations with the Uchiha clan," Naruto smirked. "Mikoto-san sends her regards."
Tsunade rolled her eyes. "I'm sure she does. Listen closely, Naruto. The games are over."
She tossed a scroll across the desk. Naruto caught it.
"The Kazekage has been abducted by the Akatsuki," Tsunade stated, her voice grim. "Gaara has been taken."
The playfulness vanished from Naruto's face instantly. His blue eyes turned steel-cold. "They took him?"
"Yes," Tsunade stood up. She walked around the desk and stood in front of him. "Team Kakashi will deploy at dawn. Your objective is to track the Akatsuki, infiltrate their hideout, and retrieve the Kazekage."
"I'll get him back," Naruto vowed.
Tsunade looked at him. She saw the shift in his demeanor. This was the 'Unbroken' Naruto she needed.
"Good," Tsunade said. "Come back alive, Naruto. If you die, I'll kill you myself."
Naruto looked at her, the smirk slowly returning. "Worried about me, Miss Tsunade?"
"I'm worried about my village asset," she corrected, but her eyes lingered on his face.
"Don't worry," Naruto stepped back toward the window. "I'll come back. And when I do... I'm going to remind you about that reward."
He opened the window and perched on the sill. "Sweet dreams, darling."
He vanished into the night.
Tsunade stared at the open window for a long moment.
"He's getting bold, Lady Tsunade," Shizune whispered scandalized.
"He is," Tsunade murmured, sitting back down and crossing her legs. A small, dangerous smile played on her lips. "Let's see if he can survive long enough to back it up."