Chapter 31 — The Cheesecake Factory
Max's cupcakes were genuinely amazing.
Ethan didn't want them at the clinic just because he liked eating them — he also figured it counted as a little patient "perk."
And hey, maybe it would help with the Holy Light thing too.
He'd also noticed something lately: the last two times he stayed over at Max's place, he woke up alone while she was already out working. It made him wonder if he'd gotten a little too comfortable — maybe Max was the real hustler between them.
So his solution?
If he couldn't outwork the most hardworking person he knew… he could at least stay close to her.
That way he looked motivated by association.
---
That evening, the science squad plus Ethan — a rare five-man gathering — decided to eat at the restaurant where Penny worked.
They had barely sat down when Ethan said, "We've known Penny forever. Why is this our first time eating here?"
Sheldon answered instantly, in the tone of someone who'd been waiting for this question.
"The reason is simple, Ethan.
Our weekly dining schedule has been fixed since 2007."
He continued with lecture-level seriousness:
"Monday is Thai food. Tuesday is burgers. Wednesday is Chinese. Thursday is pizza night. Friday is Indian food. Sunday is Italian.
And Saturday—" he raised a finger, "—is 'Anything Can Happen Night.' This is the only day variables are theoretically permitted.
However, 'anything can happen' does not imply 'we must leave the apartment.'
Therefore, we usually still order delivery."
Leonard nodded like this was perfectly reasonable.
Ethan stared. "So spontaneity… lost to logistics."
"Correct," Sheldon said proudly.
He glanced around the table, then added,
"Today is Saturday, but I must formally state that I am deeply concerned about tonight's 'Anything Can Happen Night.'
Based on my analysis, a restaurant that employs Penny as a waitress is statistically likely to have a culinary standard comparable to the state of her apartment.
Furthermore, judging from her limited vocabulary and historically disorganized behavior, her service performance may also prove catastrophic."
Leonard sighed. "See? That's why we never come."
Right on cue, Penny arrived with menus. "Hey, guys! Hey, Ethan! Long time no see!
This is your first time eating here — I'm actually really happy you came!"
Ethan smiled politely. "Hi, Penny… I think you might be happy a little too soon."
Sure enough, ordering quickly descended into chaos.
First Howard wouldn't stop making sleazy remarks. Then Sheldon fell into decision paralysis. Raj was so nervous he couldn't speak at all and hid behind the menu like it was a panic shield. Leonard and Ethan tried to mediate, but that only slowed things down.
After what felt like a diplomatic summit, they finally finished ordering — just as a woman approached their table.
"Hey, Leonard!"
Leslie Winkle stood there in a tan lab coat, a folder tucked under her arm — clearly fresh from the lab.
"Didn't expect to see you guys eating here. Hi, everyone."
"Hi, Leslie," Leonard said, suddenly awkward.
Sheldon cut in. "Nor did we. This is an unpleasant anomaly."
Leonard rushed to redirect. "Leslie, this is Penny. She lives across the hall from us."
Howard, dramatically: "She walks in beauty, like the night—"
Penny deadpanned, "Howard. Final warning."
"Understood, ma'am," Howard retreated instantly.
Leonard continued, "Leslie and I work together at the university."
Penny brightened. "Wow, a woman scientist! That's so cool."
Leslie nodded. "When the chest doesn't qualify, the brain compensates."
She scanned the table, her gaze landing on Ethan. "And who's this? Doesn't look like a theoretical physicist… physical traits too symmetrical.
If the cognitive metrics are above average, this would be an excellent reproductive candidate."
Leonard jumped in. "This is Ethan. He's our roommate — he's a doctor."
Ethan gave a small wave. "Hi. Your evaluation criteria are… refreshingly direct."
"A doctor? Medicine is only half a science," Leslie replied, maintaining the academic superiority hierarchy. "If reproduction were based strictly on aesthetic and intelligence compatibility, humanity could greatly reduce trial-and-error inefficiency."
Sheldon interjected, "Attractiveness is an illogical evolutionary byproduct. Intelligence determines humanity's future."
Leslie and Ethan exchanged a look and silently chose to ignore him.
"Genetically speaking," Ethan said, "appearance is largely governed by dominant traits, while intelligence is more complex and recessive.
If forced to choose in a reproductive model, would you prioritize visible aesthetics or latent cognitive potential?"
Leslie gave him another measured once-over. "Wow. Most good-looking men ruin their gene pool the moment they speak.
For breeding? Intelligence. At least the kid won't mistake a microscope for a toy.
Of course, humans usually chase shallow pleasure. Physical appeal and stamina are great short-term dopamine drivers.
You look like the type that spikes female neurotransmitter levels."
Ethan paused. "...I'll take that as a compliment."
Sheldon tried again. "Physical beauty is overvalued on social media and eliminated by natural selection."
Ignored again.
Leslie turned back to Leonard. "Good timing — the physics string quartet needs a cellist."
"What about Elliot Wong?"
"Transferred to the high-energy radiation project. Minor incident. The others don't want to sit near him anymore. So — you in?"
"Absolutely!" Leonard said.
"Great. Rehearsal at your place Tuesday. The Department of Energy declared our old room a hazard zone."
She nodded and walked off. "Bye, everyone."
"Bye!" Penny called.
Once Leslie was out of earshot, Penny leaned toward Ethan, barely holding in laughter.
"Ethan, I've never heard you talk to a woman like that. I didn't understand a word, but it sounded impressive."
Ethan widened his eyes in mock shock. "Wait — that was a woman?"
He grinned. "Kidding. Talking to her is like two brains fencing. Talking to you is body and soul communication."
Penny blinked. "Wow. Still didn't understand, but that might be the smartest compliment I've ever gotten."
She turned to Leonard. "So… you and your scientist friend? Something there?"
Leonard waved frantically. "Leslie? No. Definitely not."
Sheldon added helpfully, "He asked her out once. It failed awkwardly."
"Thank you, Sheldon," Leonard muttered.
Sheldon frowned. "Oh. Was that confidential?"
"Too bad," Penny said, amused. "You two could've been adorable."
She picked up plates and left.
Raj suddenly blurted, "Oh my God!"
"What?" Howard asked.
"She didn't ask what I wanted to order!"
Howard stared. "You were too nervous to speak. Even if she had, how would you answer?"
Raj slumped. "Fine. It's coming out of her tip."