Chapter 23 — Grocery Run
Penny was driving, Sheldon rode shotgun like he'd won a legal battle for the seat, and Ethan was exiled to the back like emotional support luggage.
Penny shot Ethan a look through the rearview mirror that clearly said, Why are you back there??
Ethan mouthed silently, I lost the war.
He leaned forward. "Sheldon, didn't you used to insist on sitting in the back seat? Something about survival rates in car crashes?"
Sheldon launched into lecture mode instantly. "That was before modern airbag deployment systems, side-impact protection, and automated braking technology reached acceptable reliability thresholds. Additionally, occupying the front seat allows me to issue corrective driving instructions in critical scenarios, thereby increasing the vehicle's theoretical survival probability."
Ethan sighed. "So… you want to boss everyone around and call it safety."
Sheldon nodded, perfectly serious. "Active intervention in chaos is a higher form of risk management."
"Great," Ethan said, slumping back. "I'll handle prayers. Statistically more efficient."
---
Penny kept glancing at the rearview mirror. Not at Sheldon. Straight at Ethan.
"Hey, you didn't go to work today? You look kinda wiped."
Ethan rubbed his temple. Zero sleep, brain fog, mild existential crisis—standard Tuesday.
"Yeah… I've been thinking about some life-direction stuff lately. Messed up my sleep schedule. My brain's running on expired batteries."
"Life direction?" Penny raised a brow as she merged into traffic. "That sounds… heavy."
"Not heavy," Ethan said slowly, choosing his words. "More like… trying to find something solid to stand on inside my own head. Some kind of inner anchor. But the more I try to grab it, the more it feels like smoke."
She nodded thoughtfully. "Wow. That's deep. When I can't sleep, it's usually because I had coffee at 10 p.m. and watched murder documentaries."
"That's also a path," Ethan admitted.
She smirked. "You know what helps with existential dread? Groceries. Nothing says 'life has meaning' like a coupon for frozen waffles."
From the passenger seat, Sheldon cut in, "Incorrect. Meaning is derived from the pursuit of objective truth, not discounted carbohydrates."
Penny didn't miss a beat. "Cool. Then your truth can carry the bags."
Ethan laughed quietly in the back seat. For a moment, the noise in his head eased.
Maybe this counted as an anchor too.
He let out a quiet sigh, holy light doctrines drifting vaguely through his mind like half-remembered rules from a book he'd once believed in very seriously.
Penny nodded in instant understanding, using the tone of someone who'd lost many battles but kept fighting anyway.
"Oh, I get it. Like when I go after a beer commercial gig. I know I'm right for it, I look right, sound right—but some bald agent won't even glance at me. Sometimes things just… don't make sense."
Ethan laughed. The comparison hit way too accurately.
"Yeah. Exactly that feeling. You're sure you've worked hard enough, believed hard enough… and it still doesn't click." He muttered under his breath, "Respect, compassion, perseverance… I'm pretty sure I check all the boxes."
"What?" Penny asked.
"Nothing." He waved it off. "So why are you free for a grocery run today?"
"Swapped shifts. If I didn't get out of the restaurant, I was going to lose my mind."
Sheldon declared from the passenger seat, "I am also on leave, due to my refusal to submit to intellectual mediocrity."
Ethan translated, "He got fired."
Sheldon adjusted. "Technically, theoretical physicists are not 'fired'… but yes."
"Maybe it's a good thing," Penny offered kindly. "When one door closes, another one opens."
"No. It doesn't," Sheldon replied flatly.
The next several minutes became an unsolicited lecture about doors, air pressure differentials, sensor systems, and relay mechanics.
Ethan and Penny exchanged a silent here we go again look and waited it out.
When Sheldon finally stopped to breathe, Ethan leaned forward between the seats.
"Seriously, being able to drive calmly with Sheldon as background noise? Your driving skill level is elite."
Penny smirked. "Sweetie, this is beginner mode. You haven't seen me drive while arguing with a boyfriend— uh. Never mind."
Ethan gave her a wide-eyed I understood that and I'm alarmed look.
She gave him a proud legend status look back.
Sheldon asked, "Arguing about what?"
"Talking! Sheldon. Just talking."
They merged into traffic. Sheldon grabbed the seatbelt.
"Slow down! You are not maintaining proper following distance!"
"I am too!"
"Assuming vehicle mass of 4,000 pounds, my mass 140, Ethan 140, you 120—"
"One-twenty?" Penny's voice sharpened instantly.
Ethan slapped Sheldon's arm. "Buddy. If you value your life, abort this equation immediately."
He turned to Penny smoothly. "Ignore him. You look like, tops, 110. And ridiculously fit. It's actually impressive."
Penny shot Sheldon a smug look. Mood restored.
Sheldon, still confused, continued, "Then total mass would be 4,400 pounds—"
"Wow, look!" Ethan blurted. "They're building a mini-golf course!"
---
At the supermarket, Sheldon entered Observational Study of Common Humans Mode.
While he explained loudly whether tomatoes were botanically fruit or culinary vegetables, Penny and Ethan drifted behind with the cart.
"So," Penny said quietly, scanning shelves, "that 'anchor' you can't find—any progress?"
Ethan shook his head. "Maybe I'm trying too hard. Or aiming wrong. Like… when you really want to nail a role, but the feeling just won't come." He gave a small self-conscious smile. "Sounds dumb when I say it out loud."
"It doesn't," she said, stopping to look at him seriously.
"Everyone's looking for where they fit and what they're good at. I've been rejected more times than I can count. Some nights I wake up thinking maybe I'm just not cut out for it. But in the morning, I go—one more try can't hurt."
She shrugged. "Maybe the search itself is the point. I don't know."
Something shifted quietly in Ethan's chest.
"Thanks, Penny," he said softly. "Talking helps me get out of my own head a little."
"Anytime," she grinned, nudging him with her elbow. "We're the Real World Struggle Alliance. We hype each other up against…"
She gestured toward Sheldon inspecting a tomato like evidence in a trial.
"…those people."
A moment later Sheldon announced, "Most of the vitamins you're buying will exit your body via urine. You are essentially purchasing expensive future urine."
Penny just gave Ethan a see? look. He returned a I know one.
Then Sheldon began analyzing "female biological cycles and shopping optimization," and asked Penny whether hers was regular.
Everything exploded.
Penny's face went bright red with anger.
Ethan stepped forward instantly, positioning himself between them. His voice turned firm.
"Sheldon. Stop. Right now. That's private and inappropriate. No more questions."
"But I was just—"
"Stop."
Then Ethan turned to Penny, gentler. "Hey. Don't let this ruin your mood. Let's just check out."
He took the cart from her hands.
Penny glared one last time at Sheldon, inhaled, and nodded. "Yeah. Let's go."
As they walked, Ethan kept his voice low.
"Coffee after this? My treat. For driving us and surviving… all this."
Her expression softened. "Okay. Coffee helps."
She glanced at him, about to keep ranting—then paused.
"…Weird. I suddenly feel a lot better."
Ethan smiled lightly. "Good. Real World Struggle Alliance, remember?"
She nodded, calmer now, and they headed for the register.