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Translator: penny
Chapter: 7
Chapter Title: I Like You Too, Chaewon-ah
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I like you too, Chaewon-ah.
I wouldn't claim to know you better than anyone else, but there's no one who knows you as well as I do.
For example, like this.
People call you a natural-born actress, but to me, I can spot those little habits of yours from all the role-playing we've done together that drive me up the wall.
Like when you're brazenly pushing a conversation along, but then you throw in something so outrageous even you can't justify it, and you just blink endlessly into space with that blank stare.
"———."
Just like right now.
"Hoo-haa…!!"
I deliberately let out an exaggerated breath and pulled away from her embrace.
She was still sucking on her straw, staring blankly into the void.
Her expression gave nothing away about what she was thinking, but with fifteen years of experience, I could guess with near-perfect accuracy.
'Whoa… Did I just try to kiss Yumin…? No way, I don't wanna die like this.'
She's blinking nonstop, oblivious to time flying by. The alcohol's definitely worn off.
This is my chance.
Right now, it's awkwardly excruciating, but someday we'll laugh it off like, "Remember when that happened?" It's one of those delicately perfect moments that could turn into a fond memory if we just push through.
So I hoped we'd both pretend it never happened and move on…
"Hey, stop it. Where do you think you're sneaking off to?"
Why does she always pick the absolute worst option when she's sober?
"Check the time, the time…! Aren't we going to the bamboo forest tomorrow…?"
"So what if we're late? Sit down and let's talk a bit more, okay?"
Talk, my ass.
She's doing this because she doesn't want me catching on that she's sober.
Part of me wanted to tell her to drop the crappy acting and just go to sleep…
"Our Min-ah is so sweet, right? Come here~."
Those eyes of hers, trembling like she's about to burst into tears if I call her out.
She's probably putting on what she thinks is the performance of her life, but I could already picture her tossing and turning all night without a wink.
Yeah. She's uncomfortable as hell, but imagine how I feel.
'No way this is okay….'
The fact that you and I are even in this situation right now is basically a skit.
You pretending to be drunk, and me pretending not to notice even though I do.
We're both acting like our usual selves to hide each other's secrets. Anyone could see it's a lame 'childhood friends skit.'
Of course, you're too flustered from the alcohol and that near-kiss to realize it.
So it's up to me, the one who knows the truth, to put an end to this skit.
"…Until 11 o'clock sharp. Got it?"
And yet, the only reason I'm playing along with this half-baked skit is one thing.
I want this relationship to stay just as it is.
That's all I want.
"Okay! Until 11!"
That innocent smile and bright voice.
It was a bit different from the idol Han Chaewon's smile—purer, more vivid, the smile of my childhood friend Han Chaewon. It soothed my heart like I'd been enchanted.
Yeah, this is how we should be.
No one ordered us to stay friends, but we shine brightest in moments like this.
"Speaking of the sea, it reminds me of sixth grade."
"Sixth grade?"
"Don't you remember? That summer vacation when we went to Busan."
Even a random comment from you lets me casually reminisce about our shared moments.
"…Thanks to you, I got stung by a massive jellyfish about a meter wide—a super unique experience."
"Thanks to you, I got to see someone hugging a massive jellyfish about a meter wide."
"Hey."
"Sorry. I shouldn't laugh, but I can't help it."
Memories that terrified me enough to give me nightmares are now something we can laugh off heartily.
"Remember when I threw a huge fit because I couldn't go on the school trip for debut team finals?"
"Oh yeah, I remember. That was a sight."
"What'd you say?"
"You understand even when drunk…?"
This is how we should be.
This is the 'us' I know.
So of course I noticed.
"———That's why I like you."
The tomboy I know doesn't smile at me with such tender eyes.
"Yeah. I like you."
The role-play addict I know doesn't whisper so sweetly.
"I like you. Kang Yumin, you."
The princess syndrome patient I know…
"…What does the school trip have to do with liking me?"
…doesn't make me this calm.
"You sent me tons of photos back then. Over 300, I swear."
"…Did I take that many?"
I remember. I was so desperate to snap more that by the time we headed back to the dorms, I was trailing with the stragglers instead of the lead group.
Still, I pretended not to remember in front of her expectant eyes.
"Yeah. And whenever you had a break or were heading home, you'd call and tell me about your day, weaving in stories from those photos."
I remember. I'd send messages asking when you'd be free, wake up half-asleep to match your timing.
I dozed off the whole bus ride, and even the teacher told me to hit the hay early.
"…Yeah. Now that you mention it, I remember telling you how I played with sand alone on the beach."
"You grumbled about it like 'Ki-man this' and that, but honestly, I was so grateful. The photos comforted me, the stories felt so vivid it was like I was there."
Another twitch of that awkward emotion.
Ah-.
You're about to show me a side I don't know again.
"…What is this? What are you plotting against me tomorrow, hyping me up like this?"
So I tossed out a joke.
Let's not do this, us.
We've been doing just fine all this time—that's enough.
I melted my near-pleading heart into calm words.
"I got first in the end-of-month eval and joined the debut team, remember? I took leave 'cause I wanted to go to Jeju since I missed it."
"You were such a brat about it. I still can't forget you rolling around on the floor begging to go to Jeju."
"…Don't remember that stuff."
You shot me a glare and pouted.
Only then did I feel like I was seeing the you I know, and I relaxed a bit.
10:57.
Our promised time was closing in.
I glanced sideways at your face, now that you were facing away in a more relaxed pose.
…What the hell does a girl like this lack that she'd act this way?
"Anyway. I didn't wanna study, wanted to celebrate you making debut team. And most of all, my mom was singing about wanting to go to Jeju."
"That last reason sealed it."
"You and my aunt were glued together the whole time. But we came to Jeju to celebrate you—how could you two wander off for all four days?"
"Thanks to that, you dragged me around the whole trip."
"My 'J' trauma definitely started then."
"It was fun. We watched the sunset by the sea just the two of us, and at night we'd sit like this, chatting away."
Your voice dipped a little.
That subtle change made me tense up and swallow hard again.
"…Yeah. That was fun too."
"Thanks. For being by my side back then, and now."
"You must've been really drunk. First time in my life hearing you thank me for sticking around."
I ignored your gaze brushing my cheek as best I could.
If I met your eyes now, I wasn't sure how long I could hold back the emotions I was suppressing with all my might, so I gave up on facing you.
But yeah.
The emotion I'd tried to ignore, like realizing too late I'd been bitten by a mosquito, started itching.
And damn, it feels like a nasty one bit me.
The spot's swelling up big time.
"Hehe, guess so. But my tongue's not slurring at all, right?"
"You're so damn cringy. Drunk repertoire's always the same."
"But it's true. My diction's perfect, no awkwardness."
"Soy sauce factory foreman."
"Ganjang gongjang gonjangjang."
"Failed."
"Why mock me~? My diction was spot-on~."
"Whatever, go to sleep. Skip the bamboo forest tomorrow, sleep in, and let's grab udon."
"What? You're going to bed already?"
"It's already 11. Not 'already.'"
I casually swung one leg off the bed.
Only then did I realize as I tried to slip away.
Am I overreacting?
Honestly, at this point.
After fifteen years, is it even plausible that you're looking at me differently now?
Probability's near zero, and even if it weren't, I don't want to believe it.
So.
"———Just make one thing clear."
Why now?
Why the hell now?
"I have tons of stuff I can't even tell my parents, members, close celebrity friends, or buddies, but with you, I can just let it all out. Isn't that weird?"
I listened quietly to you.
…No, you had nothing to say, so you shut your mouth.
"Time-wise, parents win. Closeness, members. Bond, celebrity colleagues and friends. So why is it that whenever something happens, you're the first person I think of?"
The more I heard, the more forgotten memories resurfaced.
Scenes embedded in them.
Emotions embedded in those scenes.
Feelings embedded in those emotions.
"It bugged me, so I thought about it. Weirdly, even though it's my problem, I feel like you get it, and your answer would be the perfect solution."
All the things I'd numbed myself to came rushing back as a vivid scent brushing my nose.
…Nah, not a scent.
"So. So you have to tell me properly…?"
If it's lingering around me without fading.
Then.
"I like you after all, Min-ah."
What do I even call this?
"———."
Your eyes trembled fiercely as they looked at me.
A voice more serious than usual, the soft weight of your head on my shoulder.
The boozy smell mixed with that unmistakable shampoo—or was it perfume?—hanging heavy in the air.
Things I'd never felt in fifteen years together.
How tightly must your heart be squeezing right now?
How much must it hurt to pour out your feelings enduring all this?
I'm no different from you.
If I spoke now, a pathetic whimper would leak out, so I fiddled with my collar instead.
"...Because we're childhood friends."
And that's all I could manage?
The answer I spat out in a trembling voice was this pathetic?
Kang Yumin, you selfish bastard.
Even you know this is too spineless.
"Why overthink it? Obviously 'cause we're childhood friends."
A tangled mess of question marks I couldn't pinpoint the start of.
My heart, failing to find the answer, headed toward the opposite of what you hoped.
"I'm grateful for a lot. You've helped me grow up, mature."
I've liked people before, so I know this answer isn't mature or grown-up at all.
Clinging to your kindness like a spoiled kid…
I know it best, saying it myself.
Can't help it.
Selfish, spineless, stupid—nothing I can do about any of it.
"So let's keep getting along great, friend."
My first love ended ages ago—what are you hoping for now?
After fifteen years, why the hell is your first love me, Han Chaewon?
Why?
"Whenever we have time like today, let's travel just the two of us. We both love trips."
Yeah, because it was first love.
The first time I knew what 'together' meant, knowing nothing but love…
Immature like a toddler's steps, not knowing how to give or receive love—that's what first love was.
"Let's get along, us."
If you'd just held my hand back then so I could walk a little.
If you'd even smiled watching my clumsy steps.
"Like always, from now on too."
You smiling and offering your hand now to my withered heart wouldn't feel this bitter, Chaewon-ah.
"...."
"It's late, so I'll head out. Goodnight."
I slipped off the bed without meeting your eyes.
You didn't budge an inch.
I opened the door, looking at your bowed head from the side.
"I like you too, Chaewon-ah."
I let those words I'd believed I'd never say in my lifetime slip from my mouth.
Click—.
I closed the door.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
"What a total loser, Kang Yumin…."
I slumped to the floor, chuckling like a madman under my breath.
I thought saying 'I like you' would be all sweet, but nope.
"...Haa. So that's what it was. That's what you meant by me being so nonchalant…."
Aah—. Now I get what you meant by it never really hitting you no matter what.
You gave me love, but I still don't know how to receive it.
Still stuck in that 'back then' of my first love.
"What the hell do I do…."
They say love is all about timing.
Seems true.