I remembered now.
This… this is the very first novel I ever read when I got obsessed with fantasy stories. The one that sucked me in for hours, the one I thought I'd never forget.
The looks.
The features.
The perfectly impossible level of hotness.
It's them.
The Crown Prince.
And the Northern Duke.
The original male leads.
And in this story, they're both supposed to fall in love with this body.
At first glance… it's actually kind of perfect. I mean, come on, two ridiculously handsome, impossibly perfect men, both powerful, both rich, both ready to fawn over me? My head is spinning just thinking about it. I could get used to this, I swear.
But of course… there's a catch.
A huge, insane, absolutely terrifying catch.
The author—bless their sadistic soul—decided to write the worst plot twist imaginable.
Whichever male lead you choose…
YOU DIE.
Like, not a little bit of death.
Not a tiny scratch or a dramatic fainting scene.
I'm talking tragically, horribly, scream-into-the-void, "why God, why?!" death.
Because the one you don't choose goes completely insane.
And then… kills both the chosen male lead and the female lead.
Yes. Both. Everyone. Gone. Poof. Game over.
Imagine the trauma. The heartbreak. The betrayal. The blood. The screaming. The background music that apparently the author expected readers to hear in their heads while crying over fictional deaths.
This is the worst possible novel I could have reincarnated into.
It's like… someone handed me a big, shiny, colorful lollipop, and I happily bite into it—only to realize the candy is filled with poison.
I can almost hear the universe laughing at me.
"Congratulations, Jane!" it seems to be saying.
"You get beauty, power, romance, AND death flags up the wazoo!"
I'm trying to be excited, really, I am. I should be thrilled. Two handsome men devoted to me? Magical adventures? Endless pastries? My dream came true!
But no.
Instead, I'm panicking so hard I feel my brain might short-circuit. I have literally been handed the worst, most twisted romantic fantasy nightmare ever written.
I mean, who even writes something like this?!
Two perfect men. One body. And death guaranteed no matter what.
It's… it's insane.
Absolutely insane.
And somehow, somehow, I got thrown into it.
Why me?
Why now?
I don't even have a plan, a sword, a magic staff, or even a decent pair of shoes to run in.
And somehow, my life just went from "sleep-deprived teenage girl reading novels" to "female lead in a death trap of a fantasy story."
And I guess… there's no turning back now.
By this time, I had already healed both of them, and now I was just standing there, staring blankly at the wooden wall like my soul had temporarily left my body.
Did this really just happen?
Did I just heal two main characters like it was a side quest tutorial?
"Thank you so much, lady…"
A voice as soft as something straight out of heaven suddenly pulled me back to reality.
I slowly turned my head.
Blond hair.
Blue eyes.
A face so handsome it should be illegal.
THIS GUY.
This is the Crown Prince—Devon.
Devon Voxx Averone.
My brain short-circuited.
"C-Call me…" Oh shit. What's the female lead's name againnnn?!?! My mind went completely blank. Absolute static. Emergency system failure.
"Uhhm… Jane." I blurted out.
There. Problem solved. Identity theft.
He smiled gently, and I swear my heart skipped like three beats.
Why does he look like that??? Why is he smiling like that??? This is exactly how poisoned candy traps you—pretty on the outside, fatal on the inside.
Ugh… handsome men are dangerous.
"Thank you for saving us. I am Devon, and this is Albert." he said, turning to the other man.
I followed his gaze—
And nearly died again.
Silver-white hair.
Sharp red eyes.
A face so cold and beautiful it looked carved from ice.
Like an albino rabbit… if the rabbit were six feet tall, terrifying, and had the body of a ridiculously hot swordmaster.
The Northern Duke.
Duke Albert Vonn Durellion.
THIS. IS. NOT. FAIR.
"Damn…" I thought. "Isn't this just heaven? I would willingly start a cult in this world for these two. Ughhh, I'm insane."
My thoughts were spiraling out of control. That's how dangerously good-looking they were.
But of course—on the outside—I tried to act like a calm, polite, cultured girl.
…Cultured girl my ass.
I went straight to shaking Albert's hand like my life depended on it.
Then I broke.
"Waaahhhh please help me reach the village if you're already goingggg!!!!" I cried dramatically, tears welling up. "I'm scared alone!!!"
Cultured? No.
Survival? YES.
Ain't no way I'm staying in this creepy forest by myself.
The two of them exchanged glances, then smiled gently and nodded.
"Of course." Devon said.
I froze.
"…The hell? Just like that????" I thought. "Is this what they call a female lead starter gift pack???"
After the two of them finally rested, we set off and left the terrifying forest behind.
I swear, every step away from those creepy trees felt like my lifespan was being extended by ten years.
On the way, however… I realized something tragic.
I was stuck between two introverts. Two nonchalant, emotionally unavailable, one-word-answer machines.
Meanwhile, I was the only extrovert in this awkward traveling party.
So of course—I talked.
And talked.
And talked some more.
They only replied with single words.
"Yes."
"No."
"Maybe."
So frustrating.
"Hey, hey~" I leaned forward between them, grinning. "Where are you from? Are you some kind of noble?"
Of course, I already knew who they were. I just wanted to mess with them for acting like emotionless robots.
The two of them visibly stiffened at my question.
Suspicious.
Although they were dressed in simple, worn-out commoner clothes, there was absolutely no way these guys were normal villagers. Their posture, the way they walked, the way they spoke—none of it felt ordinary.
Ha… who are they trying to fool with this?
But when we finally reached the village…
No one suspected them.
At all.
No bowing.
No kneeling.
No shocked gasps.
Nothing.
"Whatttt theee—???" I thought, staring at the scene with my jaw almost dropping to the floor. "That actually works???"
I guess even royalty can cosplay as peasants now.
When I looked around the village…
Even the ugliest person here looked like a famous model or a bestselling author from America.
What the hell is this place???
Is this a village… or a recruitment agency for models and actors?!
If I were using my old face from my previous life, I'd be crowned the ugliest citizen within five minutes.
I turned back to them and bowed slightly.
"Thank you so much for bringing me here… I'm sorry, but I don't have any money to pay you…"
"Wait…" Devon said softly, his voice hesitant, almost reluctant. "Are you leaving already?"
I froze.
"Can't you just accompany us?" he added.
Albert nodded in agreement, his red eyes calm but serious.
My soul left my body.
"HELL NAH!!!—" I slapped my hand over my mouth. "I-I mean—thank you, but I can't…"
Oh shit.
OH SHIT.
Did I just yell at the Crown Prince???
Am I about to be publicly executed for treason, disrespect, and bad manners combined?!
I could already imagine the guillotine.
Why would I go with these two dangerously handsome walking death flags?
If I choose either of them, I'll die.
Not maybe die.
Not possibly die.
I will absolutely, 100%, tragically die.
So no.
I refuse.
I'd rather choose anyone here.
I mean, come on—just look around. Every single person in this village looks like they walked straight out of a casting call. At this point, I don't even care about gender anymore. I will swing whichever way the beauty flows.
Men? Gorgeous.
Women? Stunning.
Everyone? Cult material.
They all deserve their own fan clubs. Their own worshippers.
And I will proudly be one of them.
With that, I already have one clear goal in mind:
To worship and appreciate this beautiful world—
while staying as far away as possible from the two crazy, plot-armor-wearing male leads who are destined to ruin my life.
After hearing my refusal, the two of them looked… oddly dejected.
But do I care?
Nooooo.
Because I love this new face.
I love this new body.
I love this new life.
I am absolutely going to explore this world to the fullest.
And I mean fully.
I glanced down at myself.
These plump breasts were screaming to be freed from this suffocatingly tight dress. Back in my old life? My chest was flatter than a wall.
Just thinking about it makes me feel cheated by the universe.
This world may be dangerous…
but at least it's generous.
"Then…" Devon spoke.
I was soooo happy, already celebrating in my head, thinking they were finally about to leave me alone.
But what he said next shattered my entire reality.
"We'll just stay in this village too, Lady Jane…" he said brightly, smiling like he had just announced a blessing.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"
My scream echoed through the village square. Several villagers turned to stare at me like I had lost my mind, so I immediately bowed in embarrassment.
"S–Sorry! Sorry!"
I took a deep breath and tried again.
"Please, no… I have an… uhm… deadly disease..." I said seriously. "That could uhm… yeah! I contaminate people, so don't come closer to me, okay? I'm saying this for your own good."
I nodded like I was delivering a tragic confession.
But these two idiots apparently had selective hearing.
What they heard was:
She's worried about us.
The misunderstanding deepened faster than quicksand.
"Albert." Devon said firmly, "escort Lady Jane. She said she has an illness. As our savior, how could we allow that? Let's bring her to the royal palace and let the saintess heal her!"
My soul left my body.
Before I could even scream again—
"No, Your Highness." Albert said coldly. "I will bring her to my domain and summon the Tower Master to heal her. Your Highness should not be seen with a commoner… especially if she's a woman."
There was a dangerous tension in the air.
Sparks.
Cold stares.
Silent rivalry music.
And here I was… trapped in between them.
"Uhm… guys?" I raised my hand weakly. "What about my opinion?"
Ignored.
Completely.
These damn novel settings…
I didn't even do anything.
So why do they have that stupid, intense, in-love look on their faces?!
Are they nuts?!?!