The memory of the feast, its riotous warmth and solidarity, had evaporated, leaving behind a cold, heavy dread. He could barely remember the taste of the food now. Even that, they took it back. With this disgusting potion. It made them all empty their bowels and their bladders. Some were still in the toilets. Their bath too had been pointless therefore.
They were now waiting in this stinky room with no windows, except the small barred window on the door. They were staring at it, wondering when they would be called.
They were thirty at first, barely fifteen remained now. Mages came every ten minutes or so, to take one for the mutations. These hooded figures looked like damned reapers.
Salazar was sitting on the ground, sad, and bitter again. Because of the potion he was forced to drink, and because they took him his chance to have this brotherly embrace. Just after he managed to make up his heart and mind. Just after his first step.
It was a good reminder though, happiness was not for him.
Salazar was looking at the only torch illuminating the room. He was not so much interested by the door. He had figured out they were taken in an alphabetic order. The other boys probably didn't even know to read, he supposed. The last one called was named "Magnus". He knew he should have some time before his turn.
Dario and Lynos had been already taken in. He wondered if Dario was alright and bore not much hope for the red haired brat. He went in like a sheep for slaughter.
Dario had been confident and proud from the wagon to this waiting room. Yet, he faltered at the very end. Salazar couldn't forget the deep breath Dario took, the loss of shine in his eyes, and the pale taint his bronzed skin took, when his name was called.
He even laughed before departing, and said "See you later guys !" with a wink. But he failed to hide the shake in his voice.
In the end, he was like all of them, a mere child.
Salazar wondered how he would feel, how would he behave, when death comes for him. His previous experience with dying wasn't the most dignified. What would happen if he died again ? Would he disappear for good, or jump again in another world ?
He didn't think much about all the pain of the Mutations. For the first time, he realised, it was the exact idea of death that really frightened him. Terrorized him even.
He sighed and looked around. Some boys were whispering prayers in silence. Some were pacing around nervously. Others rocked back and forth on the ground, self-soothing in a way or going mad maybe. It reminded him of the psychiatric asylum.
They were all on their own, the elder apprentices were not here anymore to glue them together.
In a corner, a frail boy was all curled up, sobbing. Salazar recognized his bowl cut. His hairs had been all cleaned by the bath and now had a pretty blond shade. But Salazar knew he was the boy from the courtyard, sold by his father.
Poor boy. He must have gotten hopeful for a moment, with the bath and the feast. And now back to reality. It made Salazar think, that being straight sent for the Mutations would maybe have been, the least cruel way of doing things.
He remembered Gonrad, his words.
Anyway… Salazar sighed. He then got up and walked towards the crying boy. He stood besides him for a moment, then sat nearby. The boy slightly raised his head and looked at Salazar with his right eye. All red and wet.
Salazar tensed. He realized he absolutely didn't know how to comfort someone. Lips parted, eyes wide opened, it made him look like a psychopath.
"I'm sorry…" said the boy, looking away.
Salazar raised an eyebrow.
"What ?"
"For cryin'…" answered the boy, shameful.
"Oh, no, it's fine… Don't worry. Hum. We all cry, right, and pee and poop too, it's… like whatever…"
Why am I repeating what this stupid girl said… Salazar face-palmed mentally. Physically, he scratched his neck, feeling awkward. The crying boy looked at him, confused, which made Salazar feel even more embarassed. He looked away.
"They didn't even let our bodies enjoy the nosh…" sobbed the boy, looking at the toilet entrance.
The nosh ? Peasant way to say food ?
"Yeah… I suppose they had good intentions… It's probably dangerous to have full stomach for the Mutations…"
"I don't wanna to do it…" he sobbed again.
Salazar bit his lips. He couldn't answer that he somehow was eager to pass the trial and have adventures.
"Why didn't you go home when they proposed ?" he then asked. Which was an even worse answer. Salazar knew why the boy stayed…
"My father selled me… 'Cause my family needed the money…"
"So what ? That's not your fault."
The boy took a deep breath.
"Is my fault yes. I'm last born, and I'm weak. Can't even work prop'ly…"
Salazar took a moment to think.
"What's your name ?"
"Me name is Meryn Jameson... An' you ?" he looked at him.
"I am Salazar Stormcloak… Actually, my real name is Salazar Damoclès…" he added in a low voice with a finger on his lips. "Listen to me, Meryn. We don't choose our birth. I was unwanted too. We are all bastards here, ok ? We'll have what we take, that's it. So don't give up like it's already over. Survive. And show your dad he was wrong about you. I will too. I will make my family pay for what they did to me… We will show them. We will show them all !…"
He gripped Meryn's wrist in the excitement. The boy was a bit shook, but he uncurled himself, and smiled awkwardly.
"Ha… But I miss my family, my mom, my brothers and my sisters. My father too... I don't want to make them pay…"
Salazar scratched his temple, realizing he got a bit carried away.
"Yeah well…"
"But you are right brother Salazar." he wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'll try to survive… I hope I'll be able to help my family when I become a watcha'…"
Meryn smiled, Salazar smiled back. Then, the scraping sound of a bolt being drawn made them flinch. They looked at the door opening.
The mage appeared with his parchment and called:
"Meryn."
Meryn looked at the mage, then back at Salazar. His face sold away his fear. Salazar smiled to him, again, and nodded. Meryn smiled awkwardly and got up. Head down, he followed the mage.
Salazar curled down, head in his arms.
He didn't have the strength to be there for everyone.
But he whispered some words, again and again.
"Aaron… Alaric… Attila… Cillian… Castamir… Dario… Daryl… Eric… Faolan… Gustav… Isran… James… Jared… Lynos… Magnus… Meryn… Nathan… Noah… Octav… Oscar… Peter… Poddrick… Priam… Robert… Ronan… Ruben…"
He would remember the names, if not their faces…
Minutes stretched. The door opened again and again, emptying the room. Salazar weakened. His hand ached, he wanted to sleep. But he kept whispering.
"Robert… Ronan… Ru…"
What was it… Ru…
The door opened again. Salazar didn't even look up.
"Salazar."
Ha… It's time… He took a deep breath, and got up and walked towards the mage. Sorry for you guys… he thought for the four other boys still waiting, whose names he might not learn.
He followed the mage through what seemed endless spiraling stairs. He wondered if they were going down to hell.
After a few minutes, they reached the floor, where another mage awaited. There were two paths now, one was an illuminated corridor, the other was a heavy metallic door.
They opened the gate.
Total darkness.
He walked in without hesitation.