The alarm rang loudly, instantly waking up Liam, who jumped up and turned his phone over. He flopped back onto his pillow as he let out a frustrating sigh. He threw his hands on his face and stared at the ceiling. The room was quiet, only hearing the fan ahead of him blow cold air through the sheets on his bed.
Liam sat up and reached for his phone, scrolling through his notifications until he got a message from his best friend, Aaron.
Can we meet up? I need to talk to you. The usual spot?
Liam took a deep breath and tossed his phone behind him, "Okay, this is it."
The room was quiet, the kind of silence that felt heavy in his ears. Liam slid the closet door open. He pushed past the hoodies and the old graphic tees. He ignored the comfort clothes. His hand stopped on a hanger near the back. He pulled out a black button-down shirt. It's nice. Too nice for a casual Tuesday. The fabric was crisp, high-quality cotton.
As he laid the shirt on his bed, ne noticed the faint creases on the shirt, almost shrugging it off before grabbing his iron board. Liam lifted his hands, observing them shaking almost uncontrollably before he closed his fusts tight.
"Stop being so nervous!" he said to himself.
Minutes later, after brushing his teeth, washing his face, and fixing his hair to look presentable, Liam finally got dressed. The shirt was free of wrinkles, and he stood in front of the mirror in his room, ensuring he was putting the bow tie on correctly. He gave himself one last look in the mirror before providing a small smirk. As he walked over to his nightstand to grab his watch, he froze. He simply stared at the watch as he slowly picked it up. He focused on the faint ticking as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
―
"Liam!"
Liam opened his eyes and felt Aaron's hand slap his shoulder. They were at a backyard party, in which lots of people around them were dancing, conversing, and drinking. Liam stood awkwardly in a corner, sticking out as someone who would be found last at a party like this.
"Were you checking the time again?" Aaron chuckled.
"Yeah. Sorry, you know I'm not good at parties like these."
"Which is exactly why I wanted you to come. Get you out of your comfort zone. If anyone could do that, it's me!"
Liam let out a dry chuckle, "You're not wrong."
"I'm never wrong! So, come on! We're going to dance."
Aaron grabbed his hand and began pulling him out of the corner. Liam, however, felt a rush through his body. He didn't anticipate Aaron to grab his hand the way he did. It almost felt like his body instantly began sweating. His heartbeat grew every second as he gripped Aaron's hand.
"Oh, I don't dance. Especially in front of all these people." Liam said nervously.
Aaron stepped in front of him calmly, "Do you trust me?"
There was something about his eyes that gave Liam instant peace. He couldn't help it.
"Always."
―
Liam smiled and put his watch on. He walked back to the mirror and gave himself one last look. He dressed as nicely as he could. He grabbed his phone off the dresser and checked his notifications. The message from Aaron was still there. He opened the message and typed his reply; I'm on my way there now.
He smiled and slid the phone in his pocket.
As Liam headed towards the front door, his mom and dad were heard in the kitchen. He didn't want to interrupt them, let alone get caught looking how he was. He instantly envisioned his mom being overly fixated on his appearance while his dad questioned everything. He quickly but quietly walked out of the house and began walking down the street, on his way to their meetup spot.
The air outside was cool and crisp, erasing his worries of arriving sweaty. He tucked his hands in his pockets to keep his hands warm, wishing he would have grabbed a jacket on his way out. But he was too anxious. Afraid of how things will go. Many scenarios ran through his mind, none of them good. Their last encounter left him in guilt, which in return haunted him and his thoughts. The more he focused on it, the more he began to panic.
Suddenly, he walked past a floral shop, the same one he was so accustomed to passing by without a second thought. He stopped and glanced inside, observing the many flowers they were selling. He glossed over a few until his eyes were caught on one specific flower. One that he knew was perfect. But nothing. Then he had an idea.
―
Aaron dragged Liam into the middle of the yard, where everyone was dancing. The night sky had overshadowed everything around them, but the lights around the yard provided the perfect ambiance for a night party. The closer they got to the dancing crowd, the more nervous Liam got. He forced himself to look up at the night sky. The faint interruption from the lights covered his field of view, but the sky suddenly took over, expressing the expanding sky filled with stars. It gave Liam an overflooding sense of tranquility.
Aaron had finally got them in the middle of everyone dancing around them, but Liam continued staring at the stars. That was until he felt two hands on his face pulling his sight back to the moment. Back to the two of them surrounded by everyone. Liam's eyes met Aaron's, and all they could do was smile at each other.
"Are you okay?" Aaron asked as he smiled.
"I'm fine actually." Liam smiled back.
"Good! Now dance!" Aaron shouted as he began dancing.
Aaron was off-beat, limbs flailing in a rhythm that existed only in his head. And he didn't care. He wasn't dancing to sync with the song; he was just dancing. Carefree. Joyful. Something Liam wished he could do. All he could do was slowly sway side to side with Aaron. Aaron shook his head in disappointment, smiling as he grabbed both his hands and forced him to dance wildly as he did. Liam felt like a puppet, being controlled, but in the best way possible. He didn't mind it. It allowed him to gradually do his own thing until they were eventually dancing wild together. Liam couldn't believe how he was dancing, but his body wouldn't allow him to overthink the moment. All he saw was Aaron at that moment, giving him the freedom he had longed for. The only thing he could do was throw his hands up and laugh as they both danced around each other, enjoying the moment.
Once the song had ended, they were both sitting on an outside couch, watching everyone else take over the dance floor as they sipped on their drinks. They appeared clearly exhausted by the wild dancing they had just done, but Liam couldn't help but smile.
"I told you that would be fun, right?" Aaron smiled.
"You were right, as usual." Liam nodded.
"Of course. I'm just glad I finally got you out of your bubble."
"Well…not completely." Liam shrugged.
"But it's a start!"
"It is indeed a start."
One of the people in the crowd dancing accidentally knocked over a vase with flowers inside, bringing everyone's attention to her. A few rushed over to help clean up the mess, but Aaron scoffed.
"There's Brittany again bring attention to herself. Shocker."
Liam chuckled, "It would be crazy if she did that intentionally."
"Knowing her narcissistic ass, she did. Eh, those flowers are ugly anyway, so great loss there."
"They aren't that bad!" Liam argued.
"Oh please! Put up some Lotus flowers and then you can say that."
"Of course you'd say your favorite flower." Liam laughed.
"I have my ways. Who are you to judge me?" Aaron chuckled.
"No judgement here! But they would need to be in water, so your argument falls flat."
"What happened to no judgement?" Aaron pouted.
"My bad." Liam laughed.
Aaron stared at Liam laughing to himself, "I like seeing you smile."
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't smiled like that in a long time. I'm your best friend, so of course I know you. Something happened this past year or two that changed you, but I'm not sure what it is. I didn't want to bother you about it, so I let you handle it on your own. I knew you'd come to me when the time was right."
Liam instantly got nervous. His smile disappeared as he clenched onto his knee tightly, trying to come up with a response.
"I'm good, you don't have to worry about anything." Liam said with a shaky voice.
Aaron glanced at his hand on his knee, knowing Liam was only telling him what he thought he wanted him to hear. Aaron placed his hand on top of Liam's hand, feeling his hand slowly let go of his knee.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, right?" Aaron whispered.
"Aaron, I…"
"Would you two just kiss already! Jeez!" a voice shouted from across the yard.
―
The park was drowning in the grey quiet of early morning. Mist clung to the surface of the pond, blurring the edges where the water met the grass, making the world feel soft and indistinct.
Liam stood at the bank, a jagged figure against the haze. He had spent an hour ironing the black button-down shirt he wore, and his dress shoes were polished to a mirror shine. He looked like a man who had something to prove. And all of it was at risk at that moment.
He scanned the dark, still water until he found it.
There were lilies, common and white, floating near the reeds, but he ignored them. He needed the specific one. The one Aaron loved. And then, he saw it; about three feet from the edge, rising out of the murk on a sturdy, green stalk.
A Sacred Lotus.
Its petals were a pale, breathless pink, tightly folded in on themselves, guarding a secret center. It sat atop a massive floating leaf, completely untouched by the dirty water that sustained it. It was perfect. It was calm. It was everything Liam felt he wasn't.
He crouched at the edge of the grass, the leather of his shoes creaking softly. He reached out, his fingers stretching over the abyss.
Too far.
He pulled back, glancing down at his shoes. Italian leather. Expensive. He looked at the cuff of his shirt, crisp and pristine against his wrist. A sensible man would walk away. A sensible man would go to a florist and buy a dozen roses wrapped in plastic.
But Aaron hated roses. He said they were clichés wrapped in thorns.
Liam looked at the mud now.
It was thick, black sludge, smelling of rain and decay.
He didn't hesitate.
He stepped off the solid earth.
There was a wet, sucking sound as his right foot sank. The mud swallowed the polished leather instantly, rising over the sole and burying the laces. The cold seized his ankle, shocking and sharp. Liam didn't flinch. He planted his weight, feeling the expensive shoe ruined in a heartbeat, and leaned out over the water.
He reached again. Still inches away.
He gritted his teeth and stretched further, his balance unstable. The cuff of his shirt dipped into the pond, the grey water soaking instantly into the black cotton, creeping up his forearm like a cold hand. He ignored it. He ignored the stain, the wetness, the absurdity of destroying his best clothes for a single plant.
His fingers brushed the rubbery, thick stem underwater. He clamped his hand around it. It felt strong. Rooted. It fought him for a second, holding on to the darkness below.
Liam pulled with a sharp, desperate jerk of his arm. Then, the tension broke, and Liam stumbled back onto the grass, clutching the prize against his chest. He stood there for a moment, breathing hard with the morning air burning in his lungs. He looked down at himself. His shoe was a caked lump of clay and his pant leg was splashed with slime. His sleeve was dripping dirty pond water down his hand, staining his skin. The perfect image he had spent the morning constructing was shattered.
But in his hand, the lotus was flawless.
Water beaded off its waxy petals, crystal clear, refusing to be stained. It glowed in the low light, heavy and real. Liam ran a thumb over the closed bud, leaving a smudge of dirt on the pink petal. It didn't matter. It was his.
"Got you," he whispered.
He cradled the wet stem against his ruined shirt, shielding it from the wind, and turned back toward the street. He had somewhere to be.
―
"Would you two just kiss already! Jeez!" a voice shouted from across the yard.
The words cut through the night air like a jagged piece of glass. The laughter in the yard didn't stop, but for Liam, the sound vanished. The warmth of the alcohol, the adrenaline from the dancing, the safety of Aaron's hand covering his—it all evaporated, replaced by a freezing, prickly heat that crawled up his neck.
He felt eyes. Even if no one else was looking, he felt them. A thousand judgments bearing down on him. Liam snatched his hand back as if Aaron's skin had suddenly turned red hot.
Aaron flinched, his hand hovering in the empty space where Liam's had been. He looked up, confusion knitting his brows together.
"Liam? It's just Mark being an idiot. Don't…"
"Shut up," Liam snapped. It came out louder than he intended, sharp and defensive.
He stood up, his knees knocking against the small table, rattling the empty drink cups. The noise drew a few more glances. The spotlight in Liam's head grew brighter, blinding him.
"Liam, hey, calm down," Aaron said softly, reaching out to steady him. "Sit down. You're shaking."
"Don't touch me!" Liam shouted.
The music seemed to dip for a second. Heads turned. This time, they were real.
"I'm not…we aren't like that," Liam stammered, backing away. He looked around the yard, his chest heaving. He pointed a finger at Aaron, needing to distance himself, needing to prove to the invisible jury that he wasn't what they thought. "Stop acting like everything's okay. It's not! So just…back off!"
The silence that followed was heavy.
Aaron didn't yell. He didn't get angry. He just sat there, his hand still half-raised. The light didn't leave his eyes all at once; it drained away slowly, replaced by a quiet, crushing humiliation. He looked small. He looked like he'd been slapped by the only person he trusted not to hit him.
"I didn't say it was," Aaron whispered. His voice was steady, but it sounded hollow. "I was just being your friend."
The guilt hit Liam instantly, a sickening thud in his stomach, but the panic was stronger. He couldn't fix it. Not here. Not with everyone watching.
"Whatever," Liam muttered.
He turned on his heel and walked away. He walked past the dancing crowd, past the spilled vase, past the gate. He didn't look back. He told himself that if he just kept walking, he could outrun the look on Aaron's face.
―
Liam sucked in a sharp breath, the air around him suddenly feeling too thin.
He gripped the flower tighter as his knuckles turned white. The silence of the outside world seemed deafening compared to the noise of the memory. He looked down at his hands. The stolen lotus flower sat there, serene and perfect in the morning light, blissfully unaware of the ugliness that he had paid for it.
"I'm sorry," Liam whispered to the empty ear.
He began walking again. He couldn't change the ending of that night, but he could at least show up for this one.
The walk took longer than he remembered. By the time Liam reached the top of the hill, his breath was ragged, and the mud on his shoe had dried into a heavy, grey crust. It was an old wooden overlook, peeling paint and rusted railings, jutting out over the treeline. It was quiet here. High enough that the noise of the city turned into a hum, low enough to still smell the rain on the grass.
And there he was.
Aaron was sitting on the edge of the bench, his legs swinging slightly, looking out at the horizon where the sun was trying to burn through the morning mist. He wasn't wearing a suit. He was wearing the same hoodie he wore the night of the party. He looked whole. He looked happy.
Liam stopped a few feet away. He clutched the muddy stem of the lotus against his chest, afraid to move closer, afraid that if he breathed too loud, the image would shatter.
"I didn't think you'd come," Aaron said. He didn't turn around. His voice was light, carried on the breeze.
"I had to," Liam whispered.
Aaron finally turned. He looked at Liam—at the mud on his pants, the ruined shoes, the tear-stained face. He didn't mock him. He smiled, that same soft smile from the dance floor. "You look a mess, Liam."
"Shut up. I stole a flower," Liam said, his voice cracking. He took a shaky step forward. "For you. From the pond. It's a lotus."
He held it out. The pink petals were vibrant against the grey sky.
Aaron looked at the flower, then up at Liam's eyes. He didn't reach for it. He didn't try to take it. He just nodded at the empty space on the bench beside him.
"Sit with me?"
Liam sat. He was careful to leave a few inches of space between them. He placed the lotus on the wood between them, a barrier and a bridge.
"I'm sorry," Liam choked out. The words had been burning his throat for a week. "About the party. About what I said. I was scared. I was so scared that if I let myself be…myself, I'd lose everything else."
Aaron looked out at the sky, "And now?"
"Now I know that you were everything else," Liam said. The tears finally spilled over, hot and fast. "I love you, Aaron. I've loved you since we were kids. I should have kissed you. I should have shouted it from the backyard that night, but I was too scared. I'm sorry."
Liam squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the anger. Waiting for Aaron to yell at him for being too late. Instead, he felt a warmth. Like sunlight on his skin.
"I know," Aaron whispered. "I was going to tell you, too."
Liam opened his eyes, his breath hitching. "What?"
Aaron looked down at his own hands, resting on his knees. "That night…I didn't text you to yell at you about the party, Liam. I texted you because I was finally brave enough to say it out loud." He paused, looking up with a sad, crooked smile. "I was going to tell you I loved you. But I was also going to tell you the truth."
"I don't understand," Liam shook his head.
"I found out a few months ago," Aaron said softly. He tapped his own chest, right over his heart. "A weakness. A ticking clock. They told me any day could be the one where the lights just…went out."
Liam felt the blood drain from his face, "You knew?"
"I knew," Aaron nodded. "That's why I never pushed you. That's why I let you stay in your bubble. I didn't want to drag you into a burning building, Liam. I thought if I kept my mouth shut, you wouldn't be hurt when I left. I knew my heart was running on borrowed time. I just wanted to spend the last of it with you."
Aaron laughed, a dry, brittle sound. "But then, at the party…seeing you free and happy. Seeing you in pain? I realized I was being stupid. I realized I didn't want to leave with secrets."
He leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I wanted to give you my heart, Liam. Even if I knew it was already broken. Even if I knew it was never going to last. I just wanted you to have it for whatever time I had left. But you never came. So, I went home and went to sleep, not knowing that was my last time."
Liam let out a sob, a broken, ugly sound that tore through his chest. "I left you alone. You were dying, and I left you alone."
"No," Aaron said firmly. The tenderness in his eyes was overwhelming. "You didn't know. And you're here now. That matters."
"It's not enough," Liam wept.
"It is," Aaron promised. "And I'm so proud of you for taking this step to be yourself, loud and proud."
"You're not here anymore…" Liam finally allowed the truth to overlap the cloud of guilt he held over his head the entire time.
Aaron just stared with sorrow, "No, I'm not."
Everything suddenly hit him all at once. Why he truly got dressed. Why he was really there.
"I can't do this," Liam shook his head, gripping the edge of the bench. "I can't go back down there. I can't walk into that church and see you in a box. I can't live the rest of my life knowing the last thing I gave you was a lie."
Aaron shifted, turning his whole body toward Liam. His outline seemed to shimmer slightly against the morning light, fading at the edges. Liam saw him for how he truly was in his eyes, and it was unbearable.
"You can't stay on this hill, Liam. The party is over."
"I don't know how to be without you."
"You don't have to be without me," Aaron said. He gestured up at the sky, which was slowly turning a pale, bright blue. "Remember the stars? How they took over everything? How they made you feel?"
Liam nodded, unable to speak.
"Carry me with you through the stars," Aaron said. "Every time you look up. Every time you find a moment of peace. That's where I am. I'm not in the ground, Liam. I'm in the sky, exploring the universe with you."
Liam's phone rang. He didn't need to look to understand what that meant. It was time. Liam wiped his face with his sleeve, smearing the mud and tears together. He looked at the empty space on the bench. The figure of Aaron was translucent now, barely more than a trick of the light.
"I wish I had more time…" Liam whispered.
"Go," Aaron's voice echoed, faint but clear. "I'll find you again. I promise."
Liam took a deep breath, "I love you, Aaron."
"I love you too, Liam."
Liam stood up. His legs felt heavy, but his chest felt lighter. He looked down at the bench one last time. The bench was empty. There was no one there. Just an old wooden seat, peeling paint, and a single, stolen lotus resting where his best friend used to be.
Liam checked his phone. A missed call and message from his mom, but after swiping them away, he saw another message. The red exclamation mark he had pretended not to see. His message to Aaron that had failed to send and the message telling him the number had been disconnected. Liam's eyes instantly swelled with tears, the final acknowledgment of the truth facing him head on.
Liam swiped away the message and put his phone in his pocket, wiping his tears away once again.
Liam touched the flower one last time, leaving it there as a marker. He turned his back on the view and began the long walk down the hill. He didn't look back. He didn't need to. He looked up.