But you have to learn to face reality, don't you? The moment Old Li sold this house, my leaving was already inevitable.
I found the nearby ATM, withdrew a thousand yuan as promised, and checked the cardholder's details on a whim—that's how I learned the absurdly beautiful woman's name was Mi Cai.
I loved her name. Mi stood for food and warmth, Cai for color and splendor. A life with both was surely a life of happiness, yet I had neither. My world now was nothing but hunger and black and white. So Mi Cai's appearance felt like a bitter mockery—of my emptiness, of my dead end.
...
There was a motel on the corner of the long street, where I checked in. Tossed all night by the howling wind and lashing rain, I finally drifted into a dazed sleep at dawn, waking up nearly noon.
I checked my phone and saw a dozen missed calls—all from Le Yao. She was truly relentless. When I didn't answer, she sent a text: I should've just had the baby, then punished you for the rest of your life with this so-called child of yours.
I almost laughed. If she wasn't afraid of being an unwed single mother, why the hell would I fear being a fake deadbeat dad? Her complaints clearly didn't faze me one bit.
After a quick wash, I hurried to the hospital anyway. Maybe it was the last flicker of my conscience, maybe sympathy between hookups. I couldn't say for sure. Half the time, you don't even really know yourself.
I got out of the taxi at the Maternity and Child Health Hospital, and there was Le Yao, holding an umbrella, waiting at the entrance.
She spotted me at once, the look of unease on her face softening a little as she walked over.
I was seething with anger, but thinking of her lying on that cold operating table here, I bit back my rage.
Le Yao's face was grave as she looped her arm through mine, glancing down at her stomach—an expression of loving me with all her heart, yet being met with my utter lack of pity.
I wrenched my arm free, finally snapping. "What the hell!… Tell me the truth, who got you pregnant?"
You, Zhao Yang.
"Do you believe I'll strangle you?" I glared at her.
"You beast, go on then! If you'd done it yesterday, it would've been two lives lost. Today you'd be on the news headlines, and the whole country would know what a monster you are!" Le Yao narrowed her eyes at me, pressing her body even closer to mine.
"Will you just shut up?! I slept with you two months ago—how far along are you? Show me the ultrasound!"
Le Yao ignored my accusations, her tone suddenly softening as she linked her arm through mine tightly, her voice thick with regret. "Zhao Yang, if I hadn't had the surgery yesterday and had the baby instead, letting him call you dad, how happy you would've been!"
I stifled my anger and pushed her away. "Quit the act, okay?… Hurry up and get your follow-up check. Once you step out of this hospital, consider me dead. Never bother me again!"
Le Yao hung her head. After a long moment, she said, "Don't talk about death. I won't bother you anymore, I promise."
...
After her checkup, Le Yao was in a ward getting an IV drip. I sat beside her like a worried family member, yet I refused to say a single word, my chest heavy with frustration.
A doctor pulled me outside the ward and said, "Young man, your girlfriend is in very poor health, and she has mild anemia. She must take good care of herself after the abortion—otherwise, she'll have chronic health problems when she's older. I'll write her a prescription for tonics and supplements; go pick them up at the pharmacy on the second floor."
I nodded without a second thought, figuring the thousand yuan I'd withdrawn from Mi Cai's card would be more than enough for the medicine.
I took the prescription to the second floor. It took the pharmacist five minutes to hand me a bulging plastic bag full of medicine and supplements, then said flatly, "That'll be 3016 yuan. Card or cash?"
I froze, then snapped, "What kind of magic elixir costs over three grand?! You think I'm loaded and you can rip me off?!"
The pharmacist was unfazed, nodding at a man who'd just picked up his medicine at the next counter. "See that? He just bought eight grand worth of supplements and medicine. If you can't afford it, don't get your girlfriend pregnant!"
"Idiot, acting like a fool and loving every second of it!" I cursed at the man's retreating back. Then I thought of Le Yao's weak, helpless look after the abortion, stifled my anger, and pulled Mi Cai's bank card out of my wallet. "Give me a discount, or at least waive the 16 yuan change."
The pharmacist snatched the card from my hand, rolled her eyes at me. "That's a new one. Ever heard of a hospital giving discounts?"
I grabbed the bag of medicine from the pharmacy, my heart bleeding. Being a hookup had never cost me this much!
...
I supported the weak Le Yao, fresh off her IV drip, out of the hospital. The rain was still drizzling down, the air thick and oppressive from the endless downpour.
Le Yao leaned on me as we walked for a while, then asked an unexpected question. "Zhao Yang, a film crew invited me to Hengdian next month to act. Do you think I should go?"
"Is it legit?" I asked, softening my tone to avoid upsetting her—though I could not have cared less where she went to act.
"I already did a costume fitting. The director and producer were both really satisfied; they said I'm perfect for the role."
"Then go for it. You freelance models are all climbing over each other to get into showbiz, anyway. Seize the chance… By the way, these are the post-op tonics the doctor prescribed. Take them on time, I'll text you the dosage later." I held out the plastic bag to her.
Le Yao didn't take the bag, instead staring at me for a long moment, her voice soft. "Modeling is just a temporary thing for me. I actually graduated from the Acting Department of the Shanghai Theatre Academy."
"Holy shit! No wonder you're so good at conning me—you're a pro! I really am blind, not realizing I was dealing with a top graduate from the Shanghai Theatre Academy!" I exclaimed, half sarcasm, half teasing.
Le Yao ignored my outburst, her eyes fixed on mine. "Zhao Yang, do you think I'm beautiful?"
"Do you think I'd sleep with you if you weren't?" I shot back, staring at her. She was indeed a stunning woman, the down-to-earth kind of beauty—bright eyes, red lips and white teeth, with a hint of sexiness, a hint of charm.
Le Yao nodded, a faint smile on her lips. "Zhao Yang, forget Jian Wei. When I become a famous actress, I'll only love you!…" With that, she took the plastic bag from my hand and walked away like the wind.
...
It took me a long moment to snap out of it. A cold wind blew, and I suddenly remembered my promise to Mi Cai to move out by one o'clock—it was already half past one. I immediately hailed a taxi and rushed back to my old place. On the way, I thought of the 3016 yuan I'd just spent on Mi Cai's card for the tonics and medicine. I'd told her I'd only withdraw a thousand; now I owed her 4016 yuan. How the hell was I going to pay her back?
I thought of Mi Cai's cold, unsmiling yet absurdly beautiful face, and my mind went blank.