Herbology took place in the greenhouses, which already made it better than the dungeon.
Sunlight filtered through enchanted glass, steam rising gently from rows of magical plants. The air smelled like earth, leaves, and something faintly dangerous. Ravenclaw shared the class with Hufflepuff, and for once, the pairing actually made sense.
Professor Pomona Sprout stood proudly among her plants, patched robes and all, looking exactly like someone who loved dirt more than people.
"Welcome, everyone!" she said brightly. "Herbology is about respect—respect for magical plants, their power, and the fact that some of them will absolutely try to kill you if you're rude."
That got their attention.
"This month," she continued, clapping her hands, "we'll be studying Devil's Snare. How to recognize it, how to handle it, how to raise it—and most importantly, how not to panic when it grabs you."
Alexander perked up slightly.
Ah. A classic.
Professor Sprout gestured to a large pot where dark green tendrils twitched lazily. "Devil's Snare thrives in dark, damp places. It reacts to movement and fear. The more you struggle, the tighter it grips."
She eyed the class. "Which is why the first rule is simple. Who can tell me?"
A few hands went up.
Alexander didn't raise his. He didn't need to.
Sprout pointed to a Hufflepuff student anyway. "You there."
"Uh—don't fight it?" the student said uncertainly.
"Correct! Relax. Stay calm."
As if on cue, another Hufflepuff leaned a little too close to the pot.
The tendrils shot out.
"AH—!"
In seconds, the plant wrapped around the student's ankle, then their leg.
Panic erupted.
"I'M STUCK—GET IT OFF—"
"Everyone, stay calm!" Professor Sprout called. "You—stop struggling!"
The plant tightened.
Alexander winced. Wrong move.
"Now," Sprout said firmly, "what else does Devil's Snare hate?"
This time, Alexander raised his hand.
"Light and heat," he answered. "Bright light makes it loosen instinctively."
"Exactly!" Professor Sprout said. "If you're calm, it'll release you. If not—"
She flicked her wand. "Lumos!"
Light flooded the greenhouse.
The Devil's Snare recoiled instantly, tendrils loosening and slithering back into the pot. The Hufflepuff collapsed onto the ground, shaken but unharmed.
Sprout smiled. "Well done. A bit dramatic, but an excellent demonstration."
She turned back to the class. "Now, can anyone answer the following questions?"
Alexander answered them all.
How to raise Devil's Snare.
Proper soil composition.
Growth cycles.
Common mistakes.
Emergency procedures.
Sprout beamed.
"Ten points to Ravenclaw," she announced. "Clearly someone's done their reading."
Alexander shrugged. "Or watched a lot of people almost die."
Sprout laughed.
The rest of the class passed smoothly—planting seedlings, labeling pots, and very deliberately not touching anything without permission.
When the bell rang, Sprout clapped her hands again.
"Excellent work today! Remember—plants are friends."
She paused.
"Friends that sometimes try to strangle you."
Students filed out, buzzing.
Alexander left satisfied.
For once, Hogwarts had taught him something he already knew—and still managed to be entertaining.