That night, I climbed a mountain. Or perhaps the mountain climbed me, I didn't know. I kept running, and I stumbled into a cave. It was small, dank, and dark. I sat there, waiting. Waiting for death.
Minutes turned into hours. Rain fell, masking the path I used to get here. I should stay here, die in obscurity. Nobody will know.
I was so afraid. Of myself, of my actions. What had I done?
The rain continued falling, its pattering echoing off the walls. Yaavin. Is that what I was? A single piece of a monster? That meant I didn't have a family waiting. No village was expecting my return. There was nobody. I was completely and utterly alone.
Maybe... that was best. For the safety of everyone, I need to be as far away from them as possible. I needed to learn how to control myself, how to control this darkness within me. The thoughts came naturally. The hatred. The anger. The despair. It was as if it had a mind of its own. No... I don't need to control it. I need to end it. Forever.
I was going to kill myself. The thought was instantaneous, born out of fear. I knew it was selfish, cowardly. But I didn't have another option. I left the cave, the rain still falling. Perhaps... I could return to the spot Irelia shared with me and jump to my death. After all, the ocean was below it. Nobody would ever find my body. It would be a fitting end.
It was hard climbing down, the path slippery, treacherous. Right before I reached the bottom, I had slipped. My fingers clawed at the wet ground. I struggled to grip onto something to save myself. All I felt was rocks that crumbled beneath my strength. Then I fell. I slid down the muddy ground. With a final thud I landed at the bottom. I chuckled ruefully. Even in my last moments, the world hated me enough to take my life with a humiliating fate.
I stood up, feeling sore and broken. Blood trailed down my legs. But I was already numb to it all. I whipped my head around, my eyes wide. Something was there.
Someone?
"Is somebody there?" I called out. Maybe it was a monk sent by Karma and Tenzin. They probably were trying to make sure I didn't do anything stupid. My eyes moved to another part of the forest. I didn't hear anything, but for some reason I could tell where this thing was moving. It was now a thing because it moved faster than anyone should be able to, appearing in another spot without using any sort of cover or any kind of movement that made sound.
It felt like a game. A predator chasing me down in a circle. I took this chance and sprinted in the opposite direction. Rain whipped my face as I ran. All I felt was determination and anger. Angry at the world. Angry at myself. How dare the universe play this joke on me. It led me to believe I was someone, only to show I was nothing. I was a thing. A piece of something, something I have no connection to. A piece with no memory, no purpose, no meaning.
Just. A. Monster.
Something appeared ahead. A dark silhouette amongst the rain. I tried to stop, but I slid on the mud and fell. My heart was in my throat. How could I be scared now of all times when I had just said I would kill myself? It felt ironic.
A shape loomed over me. It was humanoid, but its body shifted like smoke. It drew closer. It was a man. But it looked to be a monster. His hair was long and black. He held a sword in each hand and wore a red mask that hid his features, giving him a ghostly, fearsome appearance. The rain seemed to avoid him, as if even the elements were wary of his presence. His eyes, glowing a haunting blue, fixed on me with an intensity that felt as if it could pierce through my soul. I wanted to speak but my voice was stuck in my throat. I opened my mouth but no sounds came out. His swords flashed, twin arcs of lightning cutting through the night.
I sat up slowly, carefully, as if a sudden movement could trigger an attack.
"You... you look human, and yet you have the stench of an Azakana." The figure stated calmly, his tone cold, distant, threatening. "Either way, your demonic taint makes you too dangerous to allow you to continue to wreak havoc on this plane."
Azakana.
The word resonated in my mind. Memories of the Placidium surfaced. Whispered rumors of terror-inducing beasts that preyed on Ionia's weakest citizens. Tales of shadowy entities, their true form a mystery, feeding on emotions and possessing the corpses of their victims, twisting them into an aberrant, warped, monstrous version of themselves. The whispers grew louder and louder until suddenly the world fell silent.
This was my chance. A way to make Yaavin lose. I stood with my arms out wide. If I could help the people who helped me, this was it.
"Then you know what to do." I whispered.
"Hmm." The figure tilted his head slightly. "You aren't like any Azakana I have killed. Your magic isn't based on fear." He pointed a sword toward me, the sheen of the blade reflecting my tired eyes.
"Then do it, please." I begged. The spirit blinked once, seemingly surprised. He adjusted his posture.
"A demon pleading for death? Do you not crave bloodshed and torment? It seems unlike demons to willingly die." He responded. His voice was as steady as a rock, but his eyes were unsure.
"I'm no demon. But I am a monster. One that doesn't deserve to exist." The words tumbled from my lips.
"And why do you think you deserve death?" The sword twitched.
"Because... if I keep living, I will bring a calamity that will tear Runeterra apart." I answered. I wasn't even sure if the monster before me could do it, but if there was hope for me, this was it.
"An interesting claim. But your words are empty. You lack the drive of a demon." He remarked.
"Because I'm not a demon! I'm something else. A monster, that's all!"
I felt the world sway as I slumped to my knees.
"I... don't want to hurt the people who helped me. Those monks." I sobbed. "Karma, Irelia..." Images of our interactions replayed in my mind. Each moment, every second was special. Yet, those memories were painful. I thought about their smiles, and their kindness. True memories against the existence I never had. Yaavin was right. I am nothing but a fragment. A monster whose existence was driven by greed, chaos, and destruction.
The rain finally came, drenching me entirely. Water flowed down my cheeks, mixing with my tears. I looked to the figure. His eyes stared coldly back at me. I saw no hint of pity or remorse.
"I don't deserve to live. To remember or treasure these memories. You have to kill me! Just end my suffering!" I pleaded once more.
For a long while, the figure looked down at me.
"Fine. Allow me to put you to rest." He declared in a detached, emotionless voice. "Any last words?"
I choked back a sob, wiping my eyes dry. "Thank you. And farewell."
His swords sliced downwards, severing my limbs and decapitating my body. Or... I thought he did, but I heard someone behind me yell out.
"Yone, stop!" A soft voice called out. Yone? The man looked to the source and lowered his weapons.
"What is it, Lillia?" He asked in a monotonous voice, as though we weren't talking about ending my life. I heard someone approach from behind. I turned to see... a deer? No, that can't be.
"The smell is wrong. He isn't an Azakana. He's human." Lillia spoke out. The creature looked at me. In her eyes, I saw the warmth and compassion Yone lacked.
"Why must you insist on defending every stray you happen upon, Lillia?" Yone sounded impatient. Like a parent getting frustrated with their child. "Everywhere you go, you invite trouble. Now, not only are you endangering yourself, you're risking yourself."
"Yone. He is... like you." Lillia walked up to me. "He is lost and confused." She rubbed herself on me, hugging me gently.
"Like me? Impossible." Yone growled.
Lillia shook her head. "You have been separated from yourself, too. You are still bound by your curse."
"Nonsense!" Yone cried out. He looked at me.
"This one has a connection to demons, Azakana. We cannot let him stay." Yone threatened.
I got up and pushed the girl away.
"He's right... I can't live. I'll only bring pain and suffering." I said sadly. Yone was still waiting for me. Waiting for me to try and prove myself worthy to live. I held out my arms once more, closed my eyes, and braced myself for the inevitable.
"Do you dream?" The faun asked me. I blinked my eyes open in surprise and confusion. Dream? I stared blankly at her.
"I... don't remember," I replied truthfully. My life was filled with gaps in my memories, things that have been blocked from me. But then again, the memories weren't mine. They were Yaavin's. Have I dreamed? I tried to search within the deepest recesses of my mind to find something. Anything. But there was only blackness. Nothing. I wasn't able to recall any dreams or nightmares. Just the endless void of the absence of memories. I closed my eyes at night to simply wake to the morning sun.
"My flowers dream," she stated simply. "I planted them many, many moons ago, but some never blossomed, staying hidden and dead underneath the roots. But the ones who did? They were my favorites. I could talk to them, hear their sweet song, feel the love in their hearts. Oh, what beautiful music they make!"
She seemed enamored by the idea. Lost in the thought of hearing the singing. The rain began to subside. This creature's face was full of happiness. So much so, that the brooding Yone had done lessened. Just for a few seconds. He sheathed his blades and sighed, letting out an exhausted breath.
"I apologize for my hostility. My duty demands I do whatever it takes to protect people from Azakana. Even if it means killing those possessed by demons." He bowed his head, ashamed at his previous display. Lillia looked up at me expectantly.
"But I see no malevolent spirits lurking in you. My senses say otherwise. Please forgive my haste."
I nodded. It was true. I knew it deep down. I don't want to hurt anybody. But I do want answers. And I won't get them out here, alone.
"You're looking for something. I can see it. Someone looking for a sweet dream. A connection. You've lost yourself and seek the truth. I know. Because my flowers once sought a dream, too. And now, they blossomed. I think you'll blossom too. But you can't find the dream if you stay in the nightmare." Lillia spoke, her tone sweet and calming.
"What... can I do?" I asked. Yone and Lillia looked at each other. Yone crossed his arms, allowing Lillia to continue.
"You must share your nightmares so they aren't as scary. No one likes to be scared. Having someone there with you helps. It makes the night less lonely." She said, smiling. I thought about it. If sharing my dreams, my memories, would help me, maybe I could find a way to stop Yaavin. I was trying to save everyone, when I needed to share my burden.
"Ok. I'll do it. I'll share my dreams."
"Excellent! I knew you'd want to." She exclaimed. She looked to Yone, who seemed to understand. "You may not like your past, but you can make it your present. Then, maybe, you'll find a future of your own." Lillia smiled and bowed her head.
I smiled. "Thank you, Lillia. Yone." I bowed. The rain had completely stopped. Yone seemed less cold, and less distant.
"I will keep an eye on you. Should your presence prove... detrimental, I will do what needs to be done. But for now, I believe there is hope for you." He said. The pair had turned to leave when Yone stopped. He reached for his hip and pulled a mask. It looked to be a dark red. The eyes were glowing a deep blue.
"What is it?" I asked. He tossed it at me.
"This mask, I want you to have it." He said. I caught it.
Why?" I asked, hesitant to reach for it.
Yone's gaze was hard, a reflection of his own inner struggle. "Because it was the weapon of a creature consumed by its darkness. Yet, I bent it to my will. This blade is now my tool, a reminder of what I can defeat. Perhaps it can be the same for you. We who have danced with the shadows...we know them better than most. Use the darkness within you, not to succumb, but to understand it. Become the weapon that cuts the very heart of darkness itself." He turned and left. Lillia waved at me and followed him.
"Good luck!" She shouted, skipping away. I watched them disappear into the darkness. I turned the mask over. I could feel there was something special. Something that called to me. But I couldn't figure out what it was. Perhaps it was meant to help me understand my past. Or maybe it was simply a gift. I didn't know, but I was glad to have met them.
I turned about, hoping to find my way back to the Placidium. As I began walking, something strange happened – the glowing lights that had seemed so random before…now felt like they were forming a path. It was subtle, as if the forest itself was guiding my footsteps. The Spirit of Ionia, the whispers had called it. Was this its doing? If so…maybe there was still hope for me, despite everything. With renewed determination, I followed the luminescent trail.