Charles stared at the note Benjamin had left him: Dinner with Wren. Seeing the note immediately put Charles in a sour mood.
Again? he thought, agitated. What is it with this doctor always appearing unannounced and stealing Benjamin away for hours each time? What could they possibly have to discuss for hours on end that can't be said in the clinic?
Charles paced around Benjamin's home anxiously, walking down to the clinic, making a full sweep, and then walking back up to the second floor, then back down again.
Tonight was the night he planned to confess the truth about the Imperial engagement. He felt that Benjamin would understand where he was coming from, and Benjamin would help him figure out a loophole. He had even rehearsed the conversation with Calix, terrified of saying the wrong thing.
Restless, Charles paced around the house to calm his nerves. He observed the traces he had left behind in Benjamin's solitary life. There were his clothes and the variety of books he had gifted Benjamin. He always struggled to find gifts for Benjamin because Benjamin did not want for much. So, Charles had just resorted to bringing fresh groceries for him as well as flowers for his parents.
He hoped the conversation tonight would not push him out of this space he had already carved out in Benjamin's home. With that thought, Charles began his relentless pacing again, unable to stop moving until he heard the sound of a carriage pulling up.
He peered out through the window from the second floor, keeping himself hidden. He watched Wren and Benjamin step out from the carriage with smiles on their faces and a warm intimacy between them. Then, he saw it. Wren turned back, bringing a hand to his lips and blowing a kiss.
The ground seemed to give away under him. He felt nauseous and stumbled back a few steps. It felt as if the world was spinning around him. He tried to take deep slow breaths, but his breathing was shallow and shaky. His hands were trembling uncontrollably as they gripped the window sill.
Was this anger? Jealousy? Or was it fear, fear that he was losing Benjamin? The emotions all blurred together and suffocated him. Before he could collect his thoughts, he heard Benjamin's light footsteps up the stairs and making their way towards him.
"Charles? Are you here?" He heard Benjamin calling out for him.
Before he could compose himself, Benjamin appeared before him with a warm smile on his face, and approached him with open arms for a hug, their usual greeting.
Without thinking, Charles took a step back placing himself against the window. His expression must have given him away as Benjamin stood frozen and his smiled had turned down into a slight frown.
"Charles? Are you okay? Is something the matter?" Benjamin asked, lowering his arms and standing in place to give Charles space, but watching him with deep concern.
Charles couldn't speak. His throat was tight from a mixture of rage and panic.
"How was dinner?" Was all Charles could manage to say, his tone sharp, abrupt, and full of irritation.
Benjamin paused and nodded, piecing it all together. "It was fine," he replied slowly and calmly. "Wren invited me to his home for dinner because we had to discuss some private matters."
His home? The words struck a nerve. Charles squeezed his eyes shut to stop himself from lashing out. He took a slow, deep breath. "What... What private matters?"
"My heat symptoms. He offered to help me manage them," Benjamin explained calmly, crossing his arms. He found himself becoming irritated. Charles's reaction… it made no sense. It only pointed to one thing, that Charles doubted him. The lack of trust stung more than anything else.
Benjamin continued, trying to veil his irritation, "I also spoke to him about his proposal. I told him clearly that I have feelings for someone else, and that I only see him as a colleague and a friend."
"A friend?" Charles scoffed. He should have felt relieved, but his jealousy got the better of him. "He asked you to marry him and... you think you can just go back to being friends?"
Benjamin took a deep breath in before he responded. "I hope you remember that he asked me, not the other way around. I already clearly drew my boundaries. I only have feelings for you." Benjamin stood his ground, his patience wearing thin. "Do you not trust me, Charles?"
"Then… what was that kiss?" Charles whispered, suddenly feeling foolish.
"It was a joke. I'll tell him not to do it again since it will only cause misunderstandings like this one," Benjamin said firmly, his arms still crossed.
Charles nodded, the fight draining out of him, leaving him feeling ashamed and guilty for the accusations he had thrown out earlier.
"Can I approach you now?" Benjamin asked softly. "Can I give you a hug?"
Charles nodded again.
Benjamin sighed. He was still irritated by the jealousy and the childish behavior. Yet, he found it endearing to see Charles all flustered and guilty, looking like a puppy. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Charles's waist. Relieved, Charles collapsed into his embrace, squeezing back tightly.
"I love you," Benjamin whispered into his ear.
Charles's heart stopped and the world around him went silent. It was the first time Benjamin had ever said those words to him. His emotions were all over the place and crashed down on him. Anxiety, anger, confusion, relief, and now, an overwhelming sense of joy. He sniffled, a single tear rolling down his cheeks.
"Are you crying, Charles?"
Charles shook his head against Benjamin's shoulder.
Benjamin chuckled softly. Charles could feel Benjamin's soft lips and his warm breath as he whispered, "I love you, Charles Ione Asterion. I only have one heart, and it belongs to you and only you."
Charles couldn't speak. He tightened his arms around Benjamin, burying himself in the warm embrace, wishing he could capture this moment forever.
After a long silence, Charles finally found his voice. "I… I love you too, Ben. I love you so much. I want to be with you. Only you. Forever."