"Good night, Ella."
Do you still remember, mom? Back then, I used to have nightmares all the time.
Ghosts, monsters, whatever creepy thing my little kid brain was scared of that day. In the middle of the night, I'd cry and scream and call for you as loudly as I could, hoping you'd come through the door and calm me down in your arms.
I still remember it.
You in your wrinkled pajamas with messy hair would turn on the bedroom light, climb onto the bed, then hug me with that warm smile of yours. "It's okay," you would whisper into my ear. "Mom's here."
I always felt safe around you. Every night, I wanted you to read me bedtime stories, make me warm milk, stroke my head until I fell asleep.
Every memory I have with you, I still remember all of them.
The time you took me to the night market. Do you still remember that? Even now, I don't think I'll ever forget what happened that night.
It was such a beautiful night, right, Mom? Just like tonight, the moon was shining brightly, and the cool evening breeze kept blowing our hair around. I remember you holding my hand tightly as we walked past ice cream stands and cotton candy sellers.
There was a carousel with blinking lights, and a giant Ferris wheel that looked like a massive spinning circle in the sky. I always wanted to ride it.
But you wouldn't let me.
"It's dangerous," you said. "What if you fall, Ella?"
Instead, You suggested I ride the little train attraction. The one that was much smaller, slower, and safer for me.
I didn't want that. I remember puffing out my cheeks and sulking, staring at the Ferris wheel the whole time. Then, the moment your grip loosened, I ran toward it.
I pushed through the crowd, squeezing between people, running past snack stalls I'd never seen before. Then suddenly, panic hit me.
The sparkling Ferris wheel was right in front of me.
But you wasn't beside me anymore.
Nobody was holding my hand. Nobody was smiling at me.
Just unfamiliar faces. People passing by. Coming and going.
"Mom... where are you?"
I couldn't find you, Mom. No matter how many times I turned around or searched through the crowd, you wasn't there.
It was only five minutes, but it felt so long.
I stood in the middle of the walkway while people started staring at me like I was some kind of show. I got scared. Tears started falling. I wanted you back. I wanted you to pick me up and take me home. I didn't care about the Ferris wheel, the carousel, or all the sweet snacks anymore.
I just wanted you, mom
"Don't cry like that."
Even now, I still don't understand it. How you suddenly appeared behind me that night. You came out of nowhere, hugged me tight, wiped away my tears, and made me smile so hard I couldn't wait to hug you back.
"Ah, my little girl isn't supposed to be such a crybaby," You told me. "Mom always here for you, Ella. Always watching over you."
Do you still remember all of that?
Are you still watching over me like you promised that night?
I hope so. I really hope so.
I don't know what I'd do if you stopped watching over me.
I... miss you, Mom.
Mom, remember that Halloween night we spent together?
Years ago, I dressed up as a witch. With a black cloak, a pointy hat, and a broom that obviously couldn't fly, I went around the neighborhood knocking on doors covered in spooky decorations.
"Trick or treat!"
That night, I got so much candy. Way more than any Halloween before that. The little pumpkin basket I carried was completely full. Of course I was happy. It honestly felt like I was the happiest kid in the whole world. I kept skipping the entire way home.
It was one of those nights I'll never forget.
When I got home, you welcomed me at the door. The tiny devil horn headband you wore glowed red. I don't know why, but I thought it looked really good on you.
The dining table was already covered with food. Roasted turkey, casserole that still looked warm, sweet desserts like cupcakes topped with little chocolate bats. You must've worked really hard to make all of that, right?
I'm sorry, Mom.
I was so stupid back then. I got way too excited over all the candy I collected and ignored the food you worked so hard to make. Instead, I dumped all my candy onto the table and admired every single one. Spider candy, star-shaped candy, weird candies I'd never seen before. I wanted to try them all. Taste them all.
One. Then another. Then another.
"Ella, stop eating so much candy!" You warned me, but I didn't listen.
Then suddenly, my chest started hurting so badly. I couldn't breathe. It felt like my chest was on fire.
Then you immediately grabbed the EpiPen from the first aid box and did everything you could until the sound of sirens filled the house and I was rushed to the hospital half-conscious.
Allergies.
One of the Halloween candies had peanuts in it.
You hugged me when I woke up. One warm hug that always made everything feel better. You still remembers that, right?
You still remember all of it, don't you?
I miss you, Mom.
I don't want a new family.
I just want you.
***
I hate them.
The woman who stole your place in this house. The one who calls herself my stepmother. Stepmother my ass. I don't want another mother besides mom.
And she casually brought her two daughters into this house too. Anastasia and Drizella. Who do they think they are? Acting like they can just call themselves my stepsisters. Running around the house however they want. Sitting at the dining table. Taking the seat that was supposed to belong to you.
It's so fucking annoying.
I hate it.
I hate it so much!
***
I don't want to see them in this house, Mom.
They really are the kind of people everyone should hate.
Even my classmates, Alice and Fairy, don't really like them.
"Anastasia acts sooo smart!"
During lunch break earlier, me and my friends were talking about Anastasia.
"I just wanted to borrow her homework and she wouldn't even let me," Alice grumbled while stirring her lemon tea with an annoyed frown. "She's seriously so irritating!"
"She did the same thing yesterday too," Fairy added. "During the math quiz. We kept calling her asking for the answers to number nine and ten, but she didn't even turn around."
"Right? She's so arrogant!"
"Just because she's smart."
Fairy clicked her tongue while chewing on her meatball with a look of pure irritation.
"Remember when Anastasia went to the front of the class to solve that problem last week?"
Alice took a sip of her drink and bit the end of her straw before nodding. "Yeah. I remember." She set her half-empty glass down on the table. "That calculus question, right? Mr. Phillip and everyone in class started clapping for her and praising her like she's some kind of genius."
"She just wants attention!"
"Seriously, she's so annoying!"
Then suddenly, Alice turned toward me.
"Ella, what do you think?" she asked. "You hate Anastasia too, right?"
I didn't know what to say at the time, Mom.
Yeah, I hated Anastasia. But not because she was smart or always got good grades. No.
I hated Anastasia because she acted like she could invade my house whenever she wanted. Because she used your favorite plates and spoons. Because she called herself my stepsister.
"Yeah. I hate her."
That was my answer in the end.
That was a good answer, right, Mom?
After all, it was honest. Straight from the deepest part of my heart.
"Knew it." Alice laughed. "I always see Anastasia hanging out with Drizella or going home together with her. But I never see you with them, Ella."
"You guys are sisters, right?" Fairy asked while staring at me curiously. "What are they like at home?"
"Ugh, they're probably super annoying," Alice narrowed her eyes with a disgusted expression. "I can't imagine living with those two. Especially Anastasia."
Fairy laughed. "That bookworm probably spends all day studying inside some room that smells like old books."
"Seriously. I'd hate having siblings like that."
"Same."
I don't know, Mom.
Part of me felt like the things they said about Anastasia were too cruel.
But somehow... I liked hearing it.
I liked hearing them talk badly about her. Turns out I wasn't the only one who hated Anastasia. It was the first time I felt something like that.
I had friends who understood me.
After you and Dad left, I thought I had nobody anymore.
I thought I'd be alone forever.
But I was wrong.
Alice and Fairy stayed beside me, listening to every complaint I shared. The three of us, all hating Anastasia together, slowly became closer and closer.
Me, Alice, and Fairy.
Back then, I thought nothing could ever separate us.
***
"Hey, look at this!"
During our ridiculously boring history class, Alice leaned over and whispered to me. A huge grin spread across her face when I turned toward her.
On top of her desk was a sheet of paper she'd torn from her notebook. She'd scribbled on it with a black marker.
"ANASTASIA UGLY IDIOT!"
There were also messy doodles all over it. Trash cans, piles of poop, flies buzzing around, and a horribly drawn version of Anastasia. Huge nose, rabbit teeth sticking out of her mouth, oversized glasses, ridiculous acne.
The Anastasia Alice drew looked absolutely stupid, Mom. I almost couldn't hold back my laughter.
But that wasn't why Alice called me over.
Using both hands, she crumpled the paper tightly until it became the size of a tennis ball.
"Throw it, Ella."
At first, I didn't understand.
"Throw it where?" I asked.
Alice smacked her forehead. "At Anastasia, obviously!"
She shoved the paper ball into my hand. I could feel the rough texture pressing against my palm.
"Are you sure?" Honestly, I still hesitated. "We're still in class. What if Mr. Scott catches us?"
"He won't." Alice urged me impatiently. "Hurry up already while he's still facing the board!"
"Come on, Ella. You just have to throw it." Fairy, who sat behind me, joined in too.
I didn't really want to mess with Anastasia directly.
But... I didn't have any other choice, Mom.
I glanced around nervously before preparing to throw it.
Deep down, I actually hoped I'd miss. Maybe it would land on a desk or the floor or somewhere else entirely. I've never been good at aiming. During basketball or dodgeball in PE class, my throws never hit the target.
But that time, it did.
The paper ball flew from my hand and smacked right into Anastasia's head.
I don't even know what I felt at that moment.
I was happy... I think.
A smile spread across my lips before I could stop it.
Me? Messing with Anastasia?
That was something I'd never imagined doing before.
Beside me, Alice was trying to hold back her laughter while Anastasia looked around in confusion like a lost idiot. I was sure Fairy was stifling her laughter behind me too.
I want to do it again, I thought.
Again.
Again.
Again.
Where else could I do something like this to Anastasia besides inside this classroom?
One more time.
Then twice.
Three times.
I could never get enough, Mom. No matter how much emotion I stuffed into those paper balls, I wanted to keep bothering Anastasia more and more.
Until...
"What the hell is wrong with you people?!"
Drizella suddenly stood in front of the classroom door, blocking me and my friends while we were about to head to the cafeteria.
"Move!"
Fairy tried to push past her, but Drizella shoved her back instead. Fairy's tiny body lost balance and fell backward onto the floor.
"Hey!"
"Go apologize to Anastasia." Drizella glared at us one by one. "If you don't apologize, I'm not letting any of you through."
"The hell's your problem?!"
While I was helping Fairy stand back up, Alice suddenly stormed toward Drizella. The two of them locked eyes immediately, glaring at each other with fiery looks full of anger.
Neither of them wanted to back down.
"Move, Drizella!" Alice snapped, glaring up at the slightly taller girl.
"No." Drizella crossed her arms proudly.
The other students in the classroom started whispering among themselves, wondering what was happening, but nobody tried to stop them.
They just watched. Just like me, frozen behind Alice's back.
"It's fine, Drizella. I'm okay."
With watery eyes, Anastasia tugged lightly on Drizella's arm, trying to pull her away from the doorway.
"Forget it," she said softly.
"No. I won't." Drizella's fists clenched tightly like she was ready to punch someone. "These girls need to learn a lesson."
I didn't know what I was supposed to do, Mom.
I thought Alice would back away after hearing Drizella's threat.
But she didn't.
She stayed there, staring at Drizella fearlessly.
Don't fight.
Please don't fight.
That was all I could think.
I didn't want my friend Alice getting hurt. Just watching them glare at each other already made me nervous. I didn't want them punching each other, pulling hair, hurting each other.
No.
Stop.
That's enough.
"Stop it, Drizella!"
Unfortunately, that shout didn't come from me.
It came from Anastasia.
Her sharp voice echoed through the classroom, stopping everything.
"Enough."
Tears rolled down Anastasia's cheeks. One sob escaped her lips, then another.
Then, while wiping her tears away, she ran out of the classroom toward the hallway leading to the restroom.
The place where Anastasia always cried alone.
Drizella clicked her tongue before running after her sister.
"God, she's so annoying!"
At the cafeteria, we weren't talking about Anastasia anymore.
This time, the topic was Drizella.
"She's exactly like her idiot sister." Alice slammed her lemon tea onto the table so hard the drink almost spilled. "Annoying, arrogant, always looking for trouble. Why the hell do I have to be classmates with someone like her?"
I didn't even know what kind of expression I was supposed to make while Alice complained like that.
Across from me, Fairy sat there with a deep frown. She wasn't ranting like Alice, but I could tell she was upset too. Especially after Drizella shoved her earlier.
"Are you okay?" I asked awkwardly.
Fairy didn't answer.
The crease between her brows only deepened.
"Just wait." Alice slammed her fist onto the table. "I'm gonna get her back for this."
I don't know anymore, Mom.
Should I be happy about this?
Now it wasn't just Anastasia they hated.
They hated Drizella too.
It felt complete somehow. Like we all shared the exact same hatred.
That's a good thing, right, Mom?
More people hating my stepsisters.
More.
More.
If possible, I wanted the entire school to hate Anastasia and Drizella too.
***