I come down from the car as I head over to go open the gate for us.
"Dumebi, ngwá, ngwá, immediately!" Mom calls out.
This Woman eh, you blind so? Can't you see I'm headed to it? I quickly turn back and behold Dad's unsmiling face and rush over to the gate. I roll it open and they drive inside. "Billionaire wey no fit hire gatekeeper!" I murmur at them. I hiss and roll the gate back shut.
"Nwaobi!" Mum calls out as she steps outta the car, "Nwaobi!"
"Maaaaa," The idiot answers from inside. He runs out from upstairs with his ụwènnárị (condom boxers) and his dry bare chest.
"Nwaobi, what were you doing inside when everyone else was at Mass?" Dad asks and before he closes in on them Mom's áká ntị had already imprinted a solid mark on his face. Every, diddling, time! Ókwá this fool no dey learn? Don't come near the ndịbụzó when they look mad. Don't come near the parents! You skipped a day of Sunday Mass and you have mind to approach them? Normally Nwaobi no get sense, na Man him be.
"Adaora go and get me my..."
Nwaobi goes on his knees and begins to beg, "Dad, please, áyịyó ká nnáyó, please, lemme explain..." Mom charges at him and Dad using his eyes pleads with her to calm down. Nwaobi eyes Mom and Dad knocks his head immediately. I couldn't help but laugh as I was still standing by the gate.
"Adaora, it seems you're very stupid! Will you leave that gate and come carry these ingredients to the kitchen, ịnódụ nó ịná'chịyèrị!" She calls out to me. As always, it wipes the smile out of my face and I quickly rush to go do as she says.
She turns to Dad and calls out, "Ènyịá, leave the boy, he's with me in the kitchen today."
"Mummy, I love you!" I exclaim excitedly at the doorway.
"Ohhhhh!" Nwaobi agitates, tears almost coming outta his eyes, "Mummy, it's not fair o, on Sunday again? I don't like this nonsense you people are doing o! Very diabolical..."
"Ibekachi, head inside!" Dad commands. He stands up, stomping his feet on the ground, he looks at Dad in the most disrespectful manner he knows and turns to leave before Dad would attack him and I step aside as he approaches.
"Dumebi, I'll do you back!" He says walking past me.
I stick my tongue out at him, "Sheik BTC, go and cook, lazy bones!" He comes back out to challenge me but Mom tackles.
"Very stupid boy, won't you head inside?" Dad makes to pull his sandals and he's soon speeding inside muttering curses. I follow suit leaving the ndịbụzó behind...
****
"Chinaza, are you sure you want to say it now?" I look at him and extend my hand for a handshake. Ebuka receives it and he immediately yelps for help, "Ouch!" I had just pierced his palm with my sharp decorative nail tech.
"Next time, you'll know whether I married you for you to be calling me Chinaza, if you don't know what to call me you shut the fuck up..."
"But I married you..." He replies as he rests his back on the Innoson motor. Staying with him has made me fall in love with the Sun. I changed him too but maybe not enough.
"Ịdị sure? Ènyịá, ịdị sure nó ngị nụlụ m?" He makes to reply again, he realizes and I nod with him in agreement.
"Don't worry, all these are still your property, I'm not dragging them with you," I say waving towards the enter compound, "Ébé á nịịlè bụ ngwụrụ bé gị, adịghị èsọgị ázó nyá."
"Ónyé nwé m, ịhè nwé bụ ngị nwé, bịkọ kwá!" I approach him and he grabs me by the waist, we lock lips critically till...
******
"Ewwww!" I call out from above, "Parents are so disgusting!" Mom turns and looks up to me while Dad proceeds to lock the car door shut and heads inside. He turns and says to Mom, "Ónyé nwé m, I'll be inside."
"Alright my love, I'm coming," As Dad shuts the front door, Mom calls out to me.
"Adaora, èzịgị èzị?" She asks, "Adaora, did they send you?" I burst out laughing and she continues, "Why can't you just be on your phone wasting your Life like your idiot brother so that you can stop disturbing me and my Man? Ányị ágá yáá maid, yákwụè ụmụ ázị?" The last statement hurt deeply especially as she hisses and heads inside.
That was my Mom Chinaza, she comes from Omambala province, we're all from Omambala but we live in Asaba the capital of Anioma province of the great land of the rising Sun, Biafra, Ówụwá ányánwụ, the East. Her earlier annoyance came from the fact that my brother missed the Thanksgiving service at the Church, not like they enjoy being in Church o or that they enjoy serving and worshipping the God of the colonizers, no! My Dad Chimebuka is a loud and proud African spiritualist, he is proudly ọnyé ịgó ófó ná ọnyé ịgó mmụó, all aspects of the renowned and famed Óménàlà nkè ndị Ìgbọ nịịlè.
Óménàlà is the Igbo word for culture and it embraces all the rituals, deities and what not that the Igbo people indulged in before the coming of the colonial invaders and that we continue to do. Our family shrine is in his ancestral home in Ónịchá Ádọ N'ịdụ, in the Ịbá (Ancestral home) of the Nweke family, yeah, his Mom Nweke from Umudei village of Onitsha, we're matrifocal and matrilineal in nature, we the Nweke's.
Mom didn't necessarily always participate in Óménàlà, but always cheers them on. She comes from the family of Adaora Mazeli na Mgbelekeke village of Onitsha.
Má Ódịnálá (tradition) o, Ódịbéndị (Customs) o, mó Èwụmèwụ (cultural institutions) o, she cheered them on. She grew up in the Westside, in Ọdụdụwá Republic, the land of ụmụ Ọdụdụwá (the Yoruba people) in the heart of the old Oyo empire, Ibadan. So she knows an Ọdụdụwá word or two.
Today's service was just to aura farm... As always, it was a Thanksgiving Mass, and she was mad that the family wasn't complete so that the aura farming would be nasty good! Like she sometimes said, "the bigger the gang, the louder the aura farm" and I couldn't agree more. She is the smartest fucking Woman I ever met.
I proceeded to my room to get some rest, Mom's punishment for Nwaobi was simple, cooking the meal today with her, he absolutely hated that but I'm happy he's learning. Last time he was punished like this, he poured enough salt in the ófé Égwụsị and ófé Ọkwụrụ to make a blind Man cry.
It was a punishment because that day was my turn.
That was the day Dad punched him like they were mates. Dad put him in between his legs and began to punch him and slap like he had stolen his babe. Mom was crying and sobbing, kneeling and begging for him to stop but Dad seemed to have had enough with the Boy. He is sixteen years of age so I kinda supported it, pikin wey you no train today go use train jam you tomorrow.
As I entered my room, I pulled my top and trousers, flinging it across the room, I will be arranging that later, I opened the mini fridge, got out a slice of pizza and a can of orange juice and hopped on my bed. Switching on my data I conclude that the boy Nwaobi must have learnt his lesson. He won't be doing such again even if the God of the colonizers told him to do so. Now he knows that the Mother who gave him Life and the Man that helped is bigger than the silly Gods of Men and the colonizers.
"Blood of my Mother, time to flex!"