A 22 year old man was arrested on January 20, 2026 for raping and murdering a 19 year old girl, and once caught and put into house arrest, he was found dead, hanging in his own room. It seemed he was ready to die as he already prepared his tools for suicide beforehand. Once police began searching his room, they found this book which contained somewhat of an autobiography. The police also found a suicide note, not written as part of the book, but which contained a request to have it published, and even apologies to the families of the victims and giving information to the corpses' whereabouts. Since this man gave closure to the victims, the police decided to give it to us to publish it. However, we removed all names to maintain privacy for all involved. Subsequently, all the people mentioned, if not, their families, have consented to having this book published. However, please read this book with caution as it may contain triggering topics.
At age 4, I wanted to be a writer. I didn't
I really read books that much, but I did understand what the ideas conveyed were in those books. So what inspired me to be a writer instead of books was watching many movies, movies that were usually about historical fiction. I really liked the idea of becoming a historical writer, maybe someone like Schopenhauer or Nietzsche. I was always passionate about reading and writing, like some nerd, so I joined the literature club around the age of 16 to 17. Once I was just playing games with my friends in the club room, I saw the president of the club. She was a beautiful lady, and I stopped focusing on the game when I saw her.
Though since the game was in my hands, she went to me and asked me "what are you playing?". I told her everything about the game and she said she actually likes playing games, so we played together. As we played, she started to ask me
"why did you join the literature club, by the way?". I told her the truth. "Because I'm a nerd who wants to discuss books with others." And then I laughed. However she didn't laugh, and instead asked "Why laugh? I think that's pretty cool." Eventually, we became close friends, and even started dating. This was the happiest I could be to the point I didn't even care about writing a book anymore at this point in my life. When we graduated in college, I finally lost my virginity when we both got drunk at our graduation party. She truly made me feel understood. It felt like she was the only one I could ever rely on in this world for comfort. I was even happy, not frustrated, when I found out we were having a baby, albeit we weren't married yet. As a result, I set up another party at my dormitory, though as time passed, I realized my girlfriend was late. I thought she was harmed in some way because of the recent violent riots in Quezon, where I was staying for college. Consequently, I went to her dorm, all alone at night. When I went to her room, enough to trust her to "intrude and to not knock", I entered her dorm and heard her moaning in her bedroom. I realized she was with another man when she said "I love you." I quietly went away and bought a firearm for self-defense against rioters. When I went home, I put the firearm inside my mouth, though the rage inside me made me feel like doing something other than harming myself before dying. As a result, I used up all my savings to "irresponsibly" buy a car. I went to her dorm yet again, and saw her new boyfriend, an ugly fucking bastard that I never knew why she liked. So, I took out my gun and shot him in the head and killed him. I heard him letting a long gasp out, which I found pleasure in hearing due to knowing he was still alive. Afterwards, I went to the cheating bitch's bedroom to kill her, but when I kicked open the bedroom door, I saw her lifeless naked corpse, hanging on the ceiling. I didn't know how to feel, Rage? Regret? My mind was confused at this time, but what I did feel was fear. I stumbled down as it began to rain. The lights even went out and so I was all alone in the dark, with corpses around me. As I was about to leave, I saw pills. I subsequently remembered her story as a child. She used to be abused by her uncle both physically and sexually when she was just 6, so she always dreamed of suicide. However, she had a kind heart and would not show she was suffering to anyone, even her parents. As a result, she only told me, her boyfriend. I wanted to confront her uncle but he already committed suicide. I went inside my car and quickly went to my dorm. I was actually terrified, since the Philippines was in a drug war and if I was involved I would be arrested or much worse would happen, possibly death or torture. I kept crying, as everything was just so overwhelming. When I returned to my dorm, I felt so horrible, and I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even eat anymore, and when I tried, I would simply barf. As weeks passed, eating some food barely and losing weight, not even going to school anymore which my friends thought was due to my girlfriend's suicide, I became attached to the vision and experience of death, not merely the idea of it. Albeit I had a gun, I used a knife to cut open some kittens, cutting off their necks after their skins. It gave me pleasure for some odd reason. Due to this, I began fantasising about my girlfriend, not her as a living human being, but as a corpse hanging, and that version of her I thought seemed beautiful. However, I stopped myself, and even regretted the fact I felt this way. Instead, I got in my car and went far away, to stop myself from feeling everything bad and evil in this world, though slowly, I kept remembering that I am the evil one, as I just committed murder. When I reached a girl around my age stopping me for pickup, I picked her up, perhaps due to how similar she looked to my ex-girlfriend. We were silent, besides the fact that she said "Please drop me off me to...". I did go in that direction, but when I realized that direction had many towns, I instead went another way, saying it was a shortcut. When we reached a dead end, she asked "this isn't my destination sir…".
We were both silent before I took out my knife and began stabbing her multiple times. She obviously resisted, but I kept stabbing her regardless due to me being physically stronger. I began having sexual intercourse with the victim I kidnapped. It made me feel like I was special again. I saw she did not feel the same way though, so I just let her go, but when she shouted "I'm reporting you to the police!" I quickly panicked and shot her in the head before burying her and cleaning my car and going away. I realized what I had just done and the consequences that come with it, so I stopped my car to barf a lot. I felt incredibly sick from my actions, so I kept barfing. When I returned to my dorm, I saw a note;
"I know you've been dating my daughter, and that she committed suicide, but I know you're the one at fault, worthless scum. I know you've been abusing her so she couldn't see another man. Even if nobody else says so, I have a feeling, an intense feeling that YOU are guilty. So I will prove to the world you're guilty and then send you to hell."
It was from my ex's father, and I was more sad than horrified. He was not only going to execute me, my family would be affected by my actions now. But I remembered my girlfriend's words "when everybody leaves you, know that you have yourself." So I decided at that point to fight. Not for survival, but to prove that men like me deserve a second chance, that my life would not end in a tragedy but rather end in peace. I began to form a plan to assassinate the police officer that was my ex's father, in order for me and my family to stay as "great people". I knew what I did was wrong, but I just couldn't let my family be affected, I even convinced myself that nothing happened at all. My plan was to initially just kill him myself while I was hooded and masked before running away in order to not be identified by the authorities, but he works at a very high-secured police station with dogs and armed men. He also has his own bodyguards. He was a very important high-ranking police officer. I could kill him from far away, but I would need a sniper rifle which was absent. Meanwhile, I saw from far away on top of a building, the police station from behind was under construction, so I decided to buy a construction uniform before sneaking in and searching for files or conversations about me. "The woman that was killed in a dead end near the sea recently is under investigation. A knife was used based on the autopsy of the victim, and was raped. Based on the, uh, DNA of the semen inside the victim, we have only one suspect." I quickly realized it was me, so I took out my pistol to shoot him, but hesitated since I would only get caught quicker, so I instead ran away. One of the construction workers approached me and exclaimed to me. "I know who you are!" I freaked out and asked "what do you mean? Get away from me, I don't want to talk to anyone." However, he explained further. "Don't worry, I will help you kill that police officer. I'm a former NPA member who was kicked out for failing to assassinate him." Hearing those words, while already desperate, made me reconsider him. "Are you for real? If so, let's work together then." However, I've received news that the police have already found a suspect from the recent murder of a 19 year old woman near a dead end due to an eyewitness having discovered the real perpetrator of the crime and also DNA found inside the woman's private area. As a result, I quickly got into my car with my accomplice and went to the dead end, as I remembered only one house was near it. When I got into the so-called house, with caution tapes near my victim but no police officers as I predicted due to going there around 12 pm which was lunchtime. I, hooded and masked, quickly talked to the family in the house and began asking questions while threatening to shoot them with a gun. "Who is the eyewitness related to the nearby crime scene?" They immediately asked me "and are you going to kill them if we do say who they are?" I smiled. "No, in fact, I'll bribe you all and them if they say something that'll lead the police somewhere else."
"Then we're too hesitant, what if we get caught?" They asked. I replied "are you sure you don't want to become a private millionaire?" Their eyes, the eyes of a poor old woman, quickly opened in shock. "I- I'll take it!" I made them sign their signature first on a contract that basically told them to follow my orders of not confessing what happened right then and there and also to feed the police false information to lead them elsewhere, where then I am able to not be distracted and finally be able to shoot the police officer dead. The eyewitness was called back home and she, yes the eyewitness is indeed a woman, immediately agreed to follow my orders when she heard I was helping her family. Once the police arrived at the crime scene, I quickly hid in their house while eavesdropping on the police's conversation. They already were going to arrest me soon due to the DNA analysis and the eyewitness reports, while the car she described I had matched mine, so the eyewitness, albeit without warning, went off and asked the police who I was, and when she saw a photo of me, she told them it wasn't me since she saw a different person altogether, though the car was the same. As a result, the police became confused while she went back home. When the police went away to report back to the station, I had a drink with her. We both became drunk and immediately had sex. She gave me a smoke, but I rejected it since it smelled like Shabu. Knowing the woman was dangerous, I got into my car and went away with my accomplice. After knowing the police were now confused, I had an opportunity to finally kill the police officer. However, the police actually had lunch nearby instead of what they said was in their police station, since they already suspected the perpetrator was near the crime scene due to the eyewitness' unusual behaviour.