Chapter 383: A Bit Absurd
The Soul Mediator manifested at exactly 14:00.
Zhao Dayong and Liu Min had both initialized half-day leaves from their
respective vocations to wait at home.
Liu Min sat on the living room sofa, arms crossed over her chest, her expression
a high-definition broadcast of: "I do not wish to be here, but I possess zero
alternative variables."
Dayong sat beside her, his gaze darting toward the entrance every few seconds.
Since his conversation with Chen Xu in the kitchen two days prior, his "Fear"
parameter had dropped significantly. Liu Min, however, remained in a
"High-Resistance" state. She had refused to speak to the ghost and ignored all
of Dayong's attempts to explain the situation.
"I do not care if its intent is benevolent. I do not care if it is legal," she
had stated earlier. "I only know that I was startled awake at midnight, and my
husband brandished a cleaver and performed a total evacuation, leaving me as the
sole unit in the house."
Dayong tried to offer a logic-correction. "I was summoning reinforcements—"
"Did you manifest them?"
"I did! Four Legionnaires from the Punishment Legion—"
"Four soldiers who made me provide an audit of the event in my pajamas."
Dayong promptly went offline.
Ding-dong. The bell chimed at precisely 14:00.
Dayong opened the door to find a man in his early thirties wearing the
Imperial-standard light grey uniform. A badge was pinned to his chest: [SOUL
AFFAIRS MANAGEMENT BUREAU – MEDIATION DIVISION].
He carried a reinforced equipment case—compact, but appearing to have high mass.
"Mr. Zhao Dayong?"
"Correct."
"I am Zhou Ming, certified Mediator for the Soul Affairs Management Bureau. I am
here to facilitate the resolution of your Soul Co-habitation Case."
The Mediator entered, performed a quick visual sweep of the living room, and
took a seat opposite the sofa. He opened his case on the floor. Inside was a
Soul Detector—one size smaller than the Legion's model—but equipped with an
additional peripheral that looked like a high-end speaker.
"This is a Soul-Vocal Amplifier," Zhou Ming explained, setting the device on the
coffee table. "If a soul-residual's output is too low, this apparatus can
amplify the signal to standard human conversational decibels."
Liu Min stared at the tech for three seconds. "The Empire actually possesses
'Standard-Issue' ghost speakers?"
"Standard protocol," Zhou Ming said, calibrating the device. "Mr. Zhao, Ms. Liu,
before we initialize the mediation, I will outline the roadmap. First, I will
audit your account of the events. Second, I will communicate with the Soul
Residual. Finally, based on the requirements of both parties, I will propose a
Co-habitation Prototype."
"And if we refuse the co-habitation variable?" Liu Min's tone was sharp.
"Then we can discuss alternative outputs," Zhou Ming replied calmly. "However,
every alternative carries specific administrative procedures and lead-times. I
will elaborate on those shortly."
Zhou Ming began the audit. Dayong recounted the timeline: the relocation, the
initial temperature crash, the audio manifestations, his reaction with the
cleaver, and the Punishment Legion's arrival.
When Dayong reached the "Charging out with a kitchen knife to call for help"
segment, Zhou Ming's pen paused.
"During your evacuation, did the soul-residual pursue your frame?"
"Negative."
"Did it manifest any physical contact?"
"Negative."
"Then state the reasoning for the weapon-draw and flight."
"...My wife ordered the retreat."
Zhou Ming scribbled a line in his ledger. Dayong couldn't see the text, but he
felt the "Logic Rating" for his bravery was currently hitting a record low.
"Understood. Initializing communication with the Soul Residual."
Zhou Ming stood up, moved the amplifier to the window, and adjusted the
frequency toward the courtyard. "Mr. Chen Xu?"
The yard was silent for two seconds. Then, a crisp, clear voice transmitted
through the amplifier.
"Present."
Liu Min's body stiffened. This was the first time she had heard Chen Xu's voice
at a normal human volume and tone. It didn't sound ominous or spectral; it
sounded… like an ordinary person.
"Mr. Chen Xu, I am Mediator Zhou Ming. Mr. Zhao and Ms. Liu have submitted an
inquiry for mediation. I am here to audit your status."
"Understood."
"How long have you been localized in this courtyard?"
"A terminal duration. I cannot calculate it exactly, but I was here long before
the Scourge-Era initialized."
"Meaning your residency predates that of the human couple?"
"Mhm."
"Regarding your previous behavior—approaching the bedroom at night and
initiating unsolicited speech—state your objective."
Chen Xu's voice dropped in pitch. "I was simply… overwhelmed by the 'Happiness'
variable. The yard has been vacant for an eternity. When they moved in, I was
truly excited. I suppressed my output for two cycles, but on the third, my vocal
processors stabilized, and I couldn't resist initiating a greeting."
"Are you aware that your presence causes a local temperature crash?"
"I am now. I only learned of the 'Heat Absorption' variable when the Punishment
Legion explained it to the wife. I was previously unaware."
"Are you willing to comply with a mediated settlement?"
"I am," Chen Xu's speed increased. "I do not wish for them to evacuate. I can
increase my distance and avoid the living quarters at night. I simply… wish for
the parameters of 'Life' to remain in the yard."
The audio cut off. The living room fell into a heavy silence.
Zhou Ming sat back down. "Data gathered. Mr. Chen Xu's request is to maintain
his residency while agreeing to behavioral recalibration. Your request, Ms. Liu,
is evacuation?"
"Correct," Liu Min said instantly.
Zhou Ming nodded. "The 'Evacuation' option exists. The Housing Bureau can
process a transfer, but there are several hard-coded conditions. First: You must
wait for a vacancy. Housing in District 4 is currently at maximum capacity; the
wait-list is approximately three to four weeks. Second: Any price deviation for
the new unit must be covered by you. Third: Terminating your current contract is
a complex administrative loop involving the Return Calculation of Imperial
Housing Subsidies."
Dayong's face shifted. "I have to return the subsidy?"
"The price of this courtyard was suppressed because the Imperial Repatriation
Grant covered a significant percentage of the cost. If you terminate residency,
the subsidy must be prorated and refunded to the State Treasury."
Dayong performed a rapid mental calculation. If he had to refund the grant, pay
the difference for a more expensive unit, and handle the breach-of-contract
fees...
"Wouldn't that be more expensive than just buying a high-end unit from the
start?!"
"Statistically, yes."
Dayong leaned back into the sofa, staring at the ceiling in despair. Liu Min's
face was even grimmer.
"So our choices are: pay a massive financial penalty to leave, or live as
neighbors with a ghost."
"From an economic perspective, that is the current logic," Zhou Ming said,
capping his pen. "My recommendation is to attempt the Co-habitation Prototype
first. If Mr. Chen Xu complies with the parameters, your daily life will suffer
zero interference."
Liu Min looked at Zhou Ming as if he were a "Logic Error" made flesh. "You are
suggesting I co-habitate with a ghost."
"The Empire currently has over 300 registered cases of Soul Co-habitation. Most
have achieved a stable equilibrium after mediation," Zhou Ming said
professionally. "The key is defining the Behavioral Boundaries."
He pulled a document from his case. "This is the Standard Soul Co-habitation
Protocol. Once signed, the Soul Residual is bound by a code of conduct: No
approaching rest areas during night cycles, no unauthorized audio interference,
and zero contact/communication without the resident's explicit consent."
Dayong took the document. "How does a ghost… sign this?"
"He cannot; he lacks a physical interface," Zhou Ming pointed to a button on the
detector. "The confirmation is performed via Soul-Frequency Locking. It
functions as a digital signature."
Dayong looked at the paper, then at his wife. Liu Min bit her lip, silent.
Dayong set the document on the table.
"Allow us a moment for a private channel."
"Understood." Zhou Ming stood up. "I will wait in the courtyard. Signal me when
the decision is locked."
The couple was left alone in the living room. Silence reigned for thirty
seconds.
"I don't trust this," Liu Min whispered.
"I don't either," Dayong admitted. "But the exit-fee is terminal."
"Mhm."
A pause. "That ghost… Chen Xu… when he speaks..." Liu Min's voice softened. "He
doesn't sound… malicious."
Dayong turned to her. "I thought you said you didn't care about his intent?"
"I was in an 'Aggression State'!" Liu Min glared at him. "I was angry because
you took the knife and fled! My rage variable was directed at my husband, not
necessarily the ghost."
Dayong finally realized the core of the problem. "So the primary source of the
friction wasn't the ghost, but my 'Tactical Retreat'?"
"YOU LEFT ME ALONE!"
Dayong felt a wave of genuine embarrassment. "My apologies."
"You could have at least carried me while you were NIGERUNDAYO-ing!"
"I was focused on the reinforcements—"
"PICK UP YOUR WIFE BEFORE YOU CALL THE ARMY!!"
Dayong shut his mouth. Ten seconds of silence followed.
"The agreement… do we sign?" Liu Min's voice returned to a normal frequency.
Dayong thought it over. "Let's attempt it. If he's bound by the protocol, the
temperature and audio glitches should cease."
"And if it fails?"
"Then we escalate to the Housing Bureau. At least then we'll have a documented
failure to support our transfer request."
Liu Min sighed and leaned back. "Zhao Dayong."
"Mhm?"
"Before you acquire our next property… could you please audit for spectral
inhabitants first?"
"...Understood."
Liu Min stood up and opened the door. "Mediator Zhou, we are ready."
Zhou Ming returned to his seat. "The decision?"
"We sign," Dayong said, picking up a pen. "But I have a condition."
"Proceed."
"If any 'Out-of-Bounds' events occur during the execution of this protocol—and I
mean any—I require the Soul Bureau to provide a resolution within 24 hours. No
more three-week waiting loops."
Zhou Ming considered this. "Acceptable. I will append an Emergency Response
Clause to the contract."
Dayong signed. Liu Min followed suit. Then Zhou Ming moved to the window with
the detector.
"Mr. Chen Xu, have you received the terms of the agreement?"
"I have."
"Do you consent to the behavioral restrictions?"
"I consent."
The Soul-Frequency curve on the detector jumped once and locked into a static
green line.
"The protocol is now active," Zhou Ming said, packing his equipment. "From this
cycle forward, Mr. Chen Xu is bound by the code. Contact the Bureau immediately
if a deviation occurs."
As he reached the door, Chen Xu's voice manifested through the amplifier one
last time.
"Um… Mediator Zhou?"
"Proceed."
"May I… occasionally initiate speech with them during the day? The agreement
says 'No communication without consent.' What if they provide consent?"
Zhou Ming looked at the couple. Dayong's expression was complex. Liu Min looked
at her feet.
"That variable is at the sole discretion of the human residents," Zhou Ming
said, hoisting his case. "The protocol is clear: communication requires mutual
synchronization."
He exited. The yard returned to its natural state of peace.
Dayong stood in the living room, looking through the window at the two saplings
swaying in the wind. He saw nothing, but he knew a unit was there. He folded the
agreement and tucked it into a drawer. Then he walked to the kitchen window and
stood there for a moment.
"Chen Xu."
The air in the yard rippled slightly. "Mhm?"
"Regarding the daytime speech… I'll coordinate with my wife first."
"Understood."
Dayong stood there for two more seconds. "Do you… truly just want someone to
talk to?"
"Truly."
Dayong nodded and turned away. At that moment, his terminal buzzed. It wasn't a
message from his wife, but from an unrecognized ID. He opened it.
[Greetings, Mr. Zhao Dayong. I am Sora, Lead Coordinator for the Eldritch
Realm's designated Cross-Planar Marriage Bureau. The Soul Affairs Management
Bureau has referred your co-habitation case to our establishment. We provide
specialized 'Inter-Species Relationship Stability' services. If your schedule
allows, please manifest at our bureau for an audit.]
Dayong read the message three times. Marriage Bureau? What the...
Before he could respond, a second message manifested.
[Additionally, we are currently tracking the personal affairs of Mr. Chen Xu. We
would like to audit his current emotional state. Thank you.]
Dayong set the terminal down, staring at the ceiling for ten seconds. Then he
yelled toward the kitchen window.
"Chen Xu!"
"Mhm?"
"Do you know a unit named Sora?"
The yard went silent for a second. "I do not know her personally… but someone
registered my data with her establishment."
"Registered you for what?"
Chen Xu was silent for a long beat.
"...A blind date."
Dayong's brain hit a "Logic Error" spike.
A ghost... going on a blind date?
He sat on the sofa for a long time, watching the saplings outside sway again.
The Empire was definitely a terminal-level absurdity.
☆☆☆
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