I stared. I didn't even try to hide it. My eyes traveled from her damp purple hair, down her long neck, over the swell of her breasts pressing against the thin fabric, down to her exposed midriff, and finally to her toned thighs.
"My eyes are blessed," I whispered, thanking the System.
Yugao noticed my gaze immediately. Her eyes narrowed into slits. The temperature dropped ten degrees.
"Hey, kid," she snapped, crossing her arms over her chest (which only pushed them up more). "My eyes are up here."
"I know," I said shamelessly, slowly lifting my gaze back to her face. "But the view down there was spectacular. I got lost on the way up."
A vein popped on her forehead.
"You have five seconds to state your business before I decide you're a threat," she growled, her hand drifting toward the doorframe where a wooden bokken (training sword) was leaning.
"Easy, easy," I raised the box of tea cakes. "Peace offering. I'm Kenji. I bought the villa next door. I didn't know a goddess lived beside me."
Yugao didn't blush. She wasn't a civilian girl. She was a killer. She stared at me with pure annoyance.
"Kenji Sato..." she muttered, searching her memory. "The Genin from Team 7? The one Kakashi-senpai complains about?"
"He complains about me?" I looked hurt. "I'm his favorite student."
"He says you're a 'walking lawsuit'," Yugao deadpanned.
"Slander," I waved my hand. "I prefer the term 'entrepreneur'."
I leaned against the doorframe, trying to look cool despite being shorter than her.
"So, Yugao-san... or do you prefer Xiyan? You look... heated. Were you training? Need a partner? I'm pretty good with a sword."
I glanced at the bokken, then winked.
"And other long, rigid objects."
Yugao froze. Her brain processed the innuendo.
Her face went from annoyed to murderous.
"You little..." She grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked me forward. Her face was inches from mine. She smelled of jasmine and sweat. It was intoxicating.
"Listen here, brat," she hissed. "I am ANBU. I kill people for a living. If you peek over my fence, if you make noise past 10 PM, or if you look at my 'assets' like that again... I will bury you in your own garden. Understood?"
Most people would be terrified.
I?
I looked down. Due to the angle, I could see right down her loose tank top.
[Observation: Purple Lace Bra. Matches the hair. Nice.]
"Understood," I said, my voice breathless. "Purple is my favorite color."
Yugao blinked. She looked down. She realized what I was seeing.
"GYAH!"
She shoved me back violently. I stumbled, landing on the grass, still holding the tea cakes perfectly balanced.
"PERVERT!" she screamed, slamming the door in my face.
SLAM.
I sat there on the grass, the sound echoing in the night.
I smirked, dusting off my pants.
[System Notification]
[First Contact: Yugao Uzuki.]
[Impression: Disgusted (But you made an impression).]
[Shameless Points: +200]
"Feisty," I chuckled, standing up. "I like a challenge. And she lives right next door..."
****
[The Next Evening - The Housewarming Party]
The villa was lit up like a Christmas tree.
I stood at the door, wearing a silk robe over my clothes (because rich people wear robes), holding a glass of grape juice that looked suspiciously like expensive wine.
"System," I whispered. "Is the trap set?"
[System: Pheromone Diffuser (Mild) active in the living room. Mood Lighting set to 'Romance'. Soundproofing at 100%.]
"Excellent."
Ding-dong.
The first guests arrived.
It was Team 10.
Choji was already eating a bag of chips. Shikamaru looked like he wanted to be literally anywhere else. Ino...
Ino was wearing a purple crop top and a skirt that challenged the laws of physics.
[Passive Skill: Anatomy Scan - Active] [Target: Ino Yamanaka] [Status: Curious / Impressed / Fashionable.] [Measurements: Developing nicely.]
"Welcome," I opened the door wide. "Enter the Mansion of Culture."
"Whoa," Ino stepped in, her eyes widening as she saw the plush carpets, the crystal chandelier (fake, but she didn't know that), and the massive spread of food on the table. "You weren't kidding, Kenji! This place is huge!"
"It's alright," I shrugged. "A bit small for my taste, but it has good feng shui."
"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered, kicking off his sandals. "But the couch looks soft."
"Food!" Choji made a beeline for the buffet.
Ding-dong.
Team 8 arrived.
Kiba walked in with Akamaru on his head. Shino stood silently in the back (I almost missed him). And behind them...
Hinata Hyuga.
She was hiding behind Kiba, poking her fingers together. She wore a thick jacket that hid everything.
Tragic, I thought. Hiding the S-Rank assets.
"Yo, Kenji!" Kiba grinned, showing his canine teeth. "Nice place! Can Akamaru pee on the bushes?"
"If he does, I'll turn him into a fur coat," I smiled sweetly.
"H-Hello... Kenji-kun..." Hinata whispered, looking at the floor.
I walked over to her. I leaned down, invading her personal space just enough to make her squeak.
"Hinata-chan," I whispered. "Naruto is already here. He's in the kitchen. I think he's trying to figure out how the microwave works. He might need a... hands-on demonstration."
[Target: Hinata] [Status: Overheating.]
"N-N-Naruto-kun?!" Hinata turned red, steam practically shooting out of her ears.
"Go get him, tiger," I winked, pushing her gently toward the kitchen. "Don't let Sakura steal him. I heard Sakura likes men who can operate kitchen appliances."
"I... I will try!" Hinata clenched her fists and scurried off.
Good, I nodded. The ship must sail.
Ding-dong.
Team 7 (minus Naruto, who was fighting the microwave) arrived.
Sasuke walked in, hands in pockets. Sakura followed, holding a fruit basket.
"You actually bought this?" Sasuke looked around, scanning the perimeter. "It's defensible. Decent sightlines."
"Sasuke," I sighed. "It's a house, not a fortress. Relax. Take off your shoes. Have a tart."
"Hn."
Author's Note:
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