Tyrix, still in his absurdly muscular Macho Rix form, swept his massive arm toward the next guest.
"ALRIGHT! One down, FOUR to go!" He flexed again, because apparently he couldn't go more than thirty seconds without doing so. "Let's move on to our NEXT distinguished guest! The King of Rock and Roll! The man with the hips that launched a thousand screams! The legend who DIED on a toilet but we don't talk about that! ELVISSSSSS PRESLEYYYYYYY!"
Elvis stood up from his chair with practiced showmanship, doing a little hip swivel that made his rhinestone jumpsuit catch the light. The crowd went wild, apparently his fanbase extended well into the afterlife. He adjusted his oversized sunglasses and gave the camera a signature smirk.
"Thank you, thank you very much," Elvis said in that distinctive drawl, even though nobody had actually thanked him for anything.
Ruho approached Elvis's three briefcases cautiously. After the Lu Bu experience, he wasn't sure if he should trust his own instincts or wait for divine intervention or what. The cases sat there, identical and unhelpful, giving away absolutely nothing.
He reached for the left one. Elvis made a soft "mm-mm" sound, like he was tasting something he didn't like.
Ruho pulled his hand back. "That one's bad?"
Elvis just smiled, said nothing, and leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed. Smug. Completely, utterly smug. Like he knew exactly which case was which and was enjoying watching Ruho squirm.
"You're not going to help me?" Ruho asked.
"Now where's the fun in that, son?" Elvis said, his smile widening. "Part of the game is the gamble. The risk. The thrill of not knowing." He gestured at the three cases with a lazy wave. "Pick whichever one speaks to your soul."
"My soul is currently screaming in confusion," Ruho muttered.
He looked at the three cases again. Left—Elvis had made a face at that one. Right—no reaction. Middle—also no reaction.
So not the left one. That left two options. Fifty-fifty odds, which were significantly better than thirty-three percent.
Ruho's hand hovered between the middle and right cases. Elvis watched with that infuriating smirk, giving away nothing. His fingers tapped against his arm in a rhythm that might have been meaningful or might have just been Elvis being Elvis.
The middle one felt right. Ruho didn't know why. Maybe because it had been the bad choice with Lu Bu, so statistically it should be good this time? That wasn't how probability worked, but his brain was grasping at any logic it could find.
"Middle," Ruho said, grabbing the briefcase before he could second-guess himself again.
Elvis's smirk somehow got smugger. He gave a little nod, like Ruho had just passed a test.
"SELECTION MADE!" Tyrix boomed, flexing both arms simultaneously. "Let's see what the King's case holds for our struggling mortal! OPEN IT, RUHO!"
Ruho fumbled with the latches again—his hands were shaking slightly from adrenaline and the absolute insanity of his situation—and lifted the lid.
Golden light spilled out, brighter than the Launched Splinter case had been. The text materialized above the briefcase, large and glowing:
10X MANA POINTS
Ruho's brain took a second to process that. "Ten... times? Ten times my mana points?"
"THAT'S RIGHT!" Tyrix screamed, his muscles somehow flexing even harder. "Your current mana capacity of TWENTY POINTS—" flex "—will be MULTIPLIED—" flex "—by a factor of TEN—" double flex "—bringing your total to TWO HUNDRED MANA POINTS!"
The crowd erupted. This was good. This was actually, genuinely good. Two hundred mana points would bump him from Kappa rank—the absolute bottom tier—to... what was it? Zeta rank? He'd still be weak compared to most creatures on this nightmare planet, but it was a massive improvement from where he'd started.
"Yes!" Ruho shouted, pumping his fist in the air. "Finally! Something actually useful!"
From the side of the stage, he heard a sound. Small, delicate. Little claps.
He turned to see the femboy doing tiny happy claps, their face lit up with genuine joy at his success. They caught Ruho looking and the clapping got a bit more enthusiastic, their smile widening.
Ruho grinned back. See? She was into him. Definitely. That was girlfriend energy right there. Supporting him, celebrating his wins. Very cute.
Off-stage, he could hear multiple Kyles losing their minds trying not to laugh.
"PHENOMENAL!" Tyrix continued, apparently incapable of speaking at a normal volume while in Macho Rix mode. "Two selections down! One MEDIOCRE ability for throwing sticks! One EXCELLENT mana boost! The odds are looking GOOD for our boy Ruho! But we've still got THREE MORE CASES to open! THREE MORE CHANCES for GLORY or DOOM!"
He struck another pose this time a side chest flex that made his already strained tuxedo jacket audibly rip at the shoulder seam.
"And speaking of GLORY!" Tyrix spun to face the back of the stage, his massive arms spreading wide. "I think it's time we bring out some SPECIAL GUESTS! Some people who make my divine heart sing! Some entities who remind me that even a god of whims and odds can have a FAMILY!"
The crowd started murmuring, excited speculation rippling through the stands.
Tyrix cupped his hands around where his mouth would be if he had facial features besides teeth. "OHHHHHHH HONEYYYYYYYYYYY!"
His voice boomed across the stadium, echoing off the impossible architecture. The lights dimmed slightly, a spotlight focusing on the backstage entrance.
"Come on out here, baby! Bring our little girl! It's time to show the WORLD what a blessed god looks like when he's got the BEST WIFE in all the REALMS!"
Ruho stood there, still holding his briefcase with the 10X Mana Points prize, and wondered what fresh insanity was about to walk onto this stage. Tyrix had a wife? And a daughter? Gods could have families?
The crowd was on their feet now, cheering in anticipation. Even Lu Bu looked mildly interested. Elvis had taken off his sunglasses to see better. Plato was leaning forward with philosophical curiosity. The Spartan daughter had her hand on her sword hilt, which seemed like an odd reflex but okay.
And the femboy was still doing little happy claps, completely oblivious to the fact that Ruho thought they were a girl, while somewhere off-stage an entire production crew tried desperately not to ruin the bit.
Ruho waited, his successful briefcase clutched in his hands, as Tyrix's family prepared to make their entrance.