Ruho was still standing in his empty kitchen, contemplating whether it was possible to die of starvation twice, when he heard it.
A sound from outside. Heavy. Rhythmic. The distinct thud of something massive moving across stone.
He froze, his empty stomach temporarily forgotten as a much more immediate survival instinct kicked in.
"Azirel," he whispered, his voice barely audible. "What is that?"
There was a pause as Azirel presumably checked whatever divine surveillance system he used to monitor Ruho's surroundings.
"Oh," Azirel said, his tone somewhere between concerned and fascinated. "That's the Gigantosuchus."
Ruho's blood ran cold. "I'm sorry, WHAT?"
"The Gigantosuchus," Azirel repeated, like he was commenting on the weather. "The same one from last night. It's on the plateau. Actually, it's getting pretty close to your castle. Maybe 5 hundred meters out?"
"HOW?!" Ruho hissed, moving away from the window instinctively. "How did it find me?! I climbed a MOUNTAIN! I ran for an HOUR! I'm on a completely different elevation!"
"They have an incredible sense of smell," Azirel explained. "I mentioned that when I was designing them, remember? I enhanced their olfactory capabilities to compensate for the larger territories they'd need to patrol. A Gigantosuchus can track prey across dozens of kilometers if the wind is right. You've been leaving a scent trail this whole time—sweat, blood, adrenaline. You're basically a beacon to anything with a decent nose."
"You MENTIONED it?!" Ruho's voice rose despite his attempt to stay quiet. "When did you mention that?! You never—"
"I definitely mentioned the enhanced senses," Azirel said defensively. "It was part of the whole scaling-up-prehistoric-predators explanation. Not my fault you weren't paying attention."
Another thud from outside. Closer now. Ruho could feel it through the stone floor a slight vibration with each footfall.
"I was BUSY not dying!" Ruho shot back. "I wasn't taking notes on crocodile biology!"
"Well, now you know," Azirel said. "And for future reference, most predators on this planet have enhanced tracking abilities. It's part of the ecosystem balance. Otherwise the prey animals would just hide and nothing would ever get eaten and the whole food chain would collapse."
Ruho pressed his back against the wall, his mind racing. The Gigantosuchus was here. The hundred-foot murder machine that had chased him through a swamp and demolished a cliff face was currently outside his castle, probably planning how best to eat him.
"THIS!" Vexor's voice boomed with unmistakable satisfaction, "is PRECISELY why I designed this structure with defensive capabilities!"
"What?" Ruho asked, confused.
"The castle!" Vexor continued, his enthusiasm palpable. "You complained about the fortifications! You said you didn't need arrow slits and reinforced walls! But look at you now! besieged by a prehistoric predator, and where are you? Safe inside a fortress specifically designed to repel such threats!"
Another footstep. The vibration was stronger. Whatever was outside was getting very close.
"I hate that you're right," Ruho muttered.
"Not only am I right," Vexor said, his pride swelling, "but I also equipped the structure with offensive capabilities! The top left wing the northwestern tower contains a battery of magical cannons! Three of them, to be precise, capable of firing concentrated force projectiles at targets up to five hundred meters away!"
Ruho blinked. "You put CANNONS in my house?"
"In your CASTLE," Vexor corrected. "And yes! Every proper fortress needs artillery! How else would you defend against large-scale threats?"
"I thought this was supposed to be a mansion!"
"A fortified mansion!" Vexor insisted. "The best kind! Now, if you'll permit me, I have some patrons who would be absolutely delighted to witness this engagement. May I broadcast the upcoming battle to them?"
Ruho's brain stuttered trying to process that sentence. "Patrons? What patrons? Who the hell would want to watch me get attacked by a giant crocodile?"
"Oh, several distinguished souls!" Vexor said cheerfully. "I maintain contact with many of the great kingdom builders I processed over the millennia. They appreciate good military architecture and tactical defense scenarios. In fact, I have one patron in particular who has been following your journey with great interest. He's quite impressed with your survival instincts, actually."
Another thud. This one was close enough that Ruho heard it clearly through the stone walls. Not just felt it. Heard it.
"Who?" Ruho asked, not sure he wanted the answer. "Who could possibly be interested in watching me struggle?"
"Oh, just one of the greatest military minds in human history," Vexor said, his voice practically glowing with pride. "A brilliant strategist. A master of artillery tactics. A man who revolutionized warfare and conquered most of Europe. He's been watching your progress since the plank challenge and he specifically requested to observe this encounter."
The footsteps outside stopped. There was a moment of eerie silence.
Then a sound that Ruho could only describe as a very large, very angry reptile breathing.
Right outside his castle.
"Vexor," Ruho said slowly, his hands starting to shake. "Who. Is. Your. Patron."
"Napoleon Bonaparte!" Vexor announced triumphantly. "Former Emperor of France! He's absolutely fascinated by your situation! Says you remind him of his early campaigns, outmatched, under-resourced, but showing remarkable tactical adaptation!"
Ruho's jaw dropped. "SAY WHO NOW?!"