Chapter 15: The Bandit King and the Art of the Drunken Stumble part-2
[Ding!]
[Double Kill! Method: Pure Chaos. Style Points: 10/10.]
[Achievement Unlocked: "The Drunken Master (Without the Alcohol)." You have defeated two enemies without knowing what you were doing.]
[Reward: 800 Shy Points.]
I lifted my head, spitting out dirt. Both bandits were on the ground. One was unconscious, the other was crying about his nose.
"Did... did I win?" I whispered.
"Well done, Hinata!" Kiba shouted from across the clearing. He was sitting on a pile of defeated bandits. "That spinning backhand was vicious!"
Suddenly, the ground shook.
The Bandit Leader stepped forward. He had shrugged off Kurenai's Genjutsu through sheer brute force. He was massive. He held a giant club.
"You brats are annoying," he growled. He looked at me. "And you... you made a fool of my men."
He charged. He was like a rhino.
"Hinata, move!" Kurenai shouted.
I tried to move. I really did. I scrambled to my feet. But my legs were jelly.
The Bandit Leader raised his club. "I will squash you flat!"
[System Alert: Boss Battle. Threat Level: Severe. Passive Skills are not enough. Activating Active Scenario: " The Rito Physics Finisher."]
[Loading... "The Impossible Trip."]
As the giant man swung his club, I turned to run.
My toe caught a tree root.
I didn't just fall. I launched.
I flew forward like a torpedo, head-first.
The Bandit Leader, expecting me to run away or dodge, was not prepared for me to become a projectile.
My head collided with his solar plexus.
Oof!
The breath left his body. He stumbled back.
But I was not done falling. As I slid down his body, my hands desperately grabbed onto his shirt to stop my fall.
Gravity, however, is a cruel mistress.
His shirt tore. I kept falling.
My hands found the next handle: his trousers.
"No, wait—" the Bandit Leader gasped.
Whoosh.
I pulled his pants down to his ankles.
The giant bandit, now hobbled by his own trousers, tried to take a step back to regain his balance. He couldn't. He tripped over his own pants.
He fell backward. Hard.
His head hit the trunk of a massive oak tree with a sickening thud.
He went limp.
I landed softly on top of his stomach, clutching a piece of his torn shirt.
Silence descended on the forest.
The Bandit Leader—a B-Rank criminal with a bounty on his head—was lying unconscious in his heart-patterned boxers, defeated by a girl who had simply tripped into him.
Team Eight stared. Mr. Goro stared. Even the birds seemed to stop singing to observe the scene.
[Ding!]
[Boss Defeated!]
[Achievement Unlocked: "Pantsing the King." You have stripped and knocked out a boss enemy in a single move.]
[Reward: 1,500 Shy Points.]
[System Note: The heart boxers seem to be a recurring theme in this world. Fascinating.]
I slowly pushed myself up. I looked at the unconscious giant. I looked at his boxers.
My face went from red to purple. Steam literally shot out of my ears (thanks to the "Blush Concealer" skill I hadn't bought yet, but metaphorically it was happening).
"I... I..."
I couldn't finish the sentence. I buried my face in my hands.
"I didn't mean to undress him! I just wanted to run away!"
Kurenai walked over, inspecting the unconscious bandit. She poked him with her foot. He was out cold.
"Hinata," Kurenai said, her voice trembling slightly with suppressed laughter. "You have a... unique fighting style. It is very unpredictable. No enemy could possibly plan against this."
"Because even I don't know what I am doing!" I cried.
Shino walked up and adjusted his glasses. "The probability of this outcome was 0.001%. However, the mission is a success. The enemy is neutralized. Also, his fashion sense is questionable."
Kiba slapped me on the back, nearly knocking me over again. "That was awesome! You took out the boss! You are the MVP, Hinata!"
I looked at the chaos I had caused. Three bandits defeated. One accidental striptease. Zero intentional attacks.
"Can we just tie them up and leave?" I whimpered. "Please?"
............
We delivered the bandits to the local authorities in the next town. The sheriff looked at the Bandit Leader, who was still tied up and missing his pants.
"Why is he naked?" the sheriff asked.
"Do not ask," Kiba, Shino, Kurenai, and I said in unison.
We spent the night at an inn before heading back to Konoha. I insisted on a private room. I needed walls. I needed safety.
I sat on the bed, looking at my System panel.
[Status Update]
Name: Hinata HyugaShy Points: 3,200.Skill: Accidental Counter-Attack (Level 2 - Now with 10% more knockback).New Title: The Undresser of Bandits.
"System," I whispered. "Is this going to be my legacy? Am I just going to trip my way to the top?"
[System Reply: History is written by the victors, Host. Nobody cares if you tripped, as long as the other guy ends up in his underwear and unconscious. Besides, you have enough points now to buy something really useful.]
I scrolled through the shop. My eyes landed on a new item that had unlocked after the bandit fight.
Item: The Lucky Coin.Description: Flip this coin before a major decision. Heads: Good Luck. Tails: Maximum Ecchi Situation.Cost: 500 Points.
"I am never buying that," I said. "Never."
I scrolled down further.
Skill: Chakra Control Boost (Level 1).Description: Helps you stick to surfaces without falling.Cost: 3,000 Points.
"Yes!" I shouted. "Finally! Something to stop the falling!"
I bought it immediately.
[Transaction Complete. Remaining Points: 200. You now have better grip. However, please note that 'better grip' means you might accidentally get stuck to things you touch if you are nervous.]
I stared at the screen. "Wait. What do you mean 'stuck'?"
[System: Nighty night, Host.]
I flopped back onto the pillow. I had a feeling that "getting stuck" to things was going to be the next chapter of my nightmare. Imagine getting stuck to Naruto. Or Sasuke. Or the Hokage.
.....
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