"For real?"
"Sasuke... no way, man."
Hearing Naruto's accusation, the rest of the table stood up one by one, staring at Sasuke in total shock.
Naruto was his teammate, so he definitely knew the guy better than they did.
If he said it, it couldn't be total bullshit, right?
"Are you guys braindead? What crime have I committed to actually make me defect?"
Sasuke's retort was perfectly logical, cutting through the drama.
The others immediately relaxed and sat their asses back down.
"Yeah, true. Sasuke didn't steal the Scroll of Seals or graffiti the Hokage monument. Why would he defect for no reason?"
"Naruto, what kind of nonsense are you cooking up in that head of yours?"
"..."
This time, however, Naruto didn't just spout more random crap like usual.
Instead, he looked at Sasuke with dead-serious eyes and thumped his hand against his own chest.
"Sasuke, I... I can feel your emotions, man. When you're sad, my heart aches, too."
Damn, was this going to be a heart-to-heart confession?
Hearing Naruto say this, Sasuke smiled with a hint of understanding—but the moment his lips curved upward, he immediately crushed it back into a scowl.
"Then your feeling is wong, you idiot. I have no reason to defect. I just want to go out, get stronger, and help you out at the same time."
"Really? But the way you say it... it still sounds kinda like you're defecting?" Naruto squinted, half-convinced, half-suspicious.
"Idiot." Sasuke pointed a chopstick at Hinata. "Then does her sister count as a rogue ninja? And Jiraiya waiting at the entrance, or even the current Hokage—weren't they away from the village wandering around for years?"
"Hiss... damn, that actually makes sense. Hehe, guess I overthought it." Naruto scratched his head and grinned sheepishly.
"Absolute dumbass."
"Alright then, I'll leave it to you, Sasuke! We moving out tonight?"
"Fine. But you follow my lead."
"No problem!"
The two struck a deal.
The others watching this scene—except for Choji, who was still inhaling meat—sat frozen with their chopsticks hovering mid-air.
Ino, who was eavesdropping from the roof of the restaurant and furiously taking notes, also froze when she heard the dialogue.
'Wasn't that conversation a little too... intimate?'
That kind of dialogue and tone felt like it belonged exclusively in trashy yaoi romance novels!
"Wait."
Speaking of romance novels, Ino suddenly remembered something terrifying.
In those books, there are classic tropes—like the female lead accidentally tripping and falling onto the male lead, leading to an unexpected kiss...
And as for Naruto and Sasuke? Those two, under the gaze of the entire class, had already done exactly that!
Ino clutched her head, her eyes widening in horror as she muttered to herself.
"No wonder he didn't invite Sakura! So that's how it is..."
With her worldview completely shattered, Ino stumbled back to the Medical Department like a zombie.
"Ino! You're back. How did it go?"
Seeing Ino return, Sakura rushed over to greet her.
"Yeah." Ino nodded, her face completely expressionless.
"What happened? Why do you look like your soul just left your body?" Sakura instantly grew worried.
"There is two pieces of good news, and one piece of bad news."
Ino walked over to a bench and sat down heavily. "First, you don't need to worry about anything—nothing shady happened over there. Second, you no longer have to agonize over whether Naruto likes you or not."
"Huh? Why? And... what's the bad news?"
Sakura was confused. If nothing happened, where was the bad news coming from?
"Naruto is going to be your love rival from now on."
"Oh."
"..."
"HUUUUHHHH???"
Sakura finally snapped back to reality, frantically rubbing her ears. "Ino-pig, what the hell are you talking about?!"
"It's true, i'm sorry Sakura, but you need to accept this harsh reality."
Ino recounted everything she had seen and heard at the barbecue joint, emphasizing the tension.
"What are you even saying?! And is that even the point right now?! We need to report this to Lady Tsunade immediately!"
After listening, Sakura's brain bypassed the gay panic and focused entirely on the fact that Sasuke was planning to leave the village.
"Wait! Do you want Sasuke to hate you forever?"
Ino grabbed Sakura's wrist. "Sasuke wants to get stronger. Naruto is supporting him. But if you report him and ruin his plan to leave, do you really think you'll stand a chance against Naruto after that?"
"..."
Sakura was speechless.
Why did it sound like she was legitimately competing with Naruto for Sasuke's heart now?
Still, Ino had a point—she really couldn't report it.
....
Meanwhile, the barbecue gathering wrapped up.
According to Sasuke's plan, he would sneak out of the village that very night.
The next morning, Naruto would pretend to search for him around the village before "chasing" after him.
After Naruto left, Jiraiya would then leave the village to chase Naruto.
It was a solid plan!
But before leaving, Sasuke made a detour to the Hokage Building. He cracked a window open and tossed a letter onto the Hokage's desk.
He didn't actually want to be a rogue ninja, so ..... the best approach was—to rat out Naruto immediately.
After planting the letter, Sasuke leaped across the rooftops and vanished into the night.
"That guy Sasuke... I knew he was up to something shady."
Not five minutes after Sasuke left, Naruto's spiky blonde head popped up beside the Hokage office window.
Being surprisingly competent for once, he deftly climbed inside and swiped the letter.
Walking along the empty streets of Konoha, Naruto tore it open.
Reading Sasuke's merciless snitching and the detailed exposure of his "fake defection" plan, Naruto gritted his teeth.
"Sasuke, you're just... just... what's the word? A total dick!"
"Luckily, Uzumaki Naruto is a genius. I'd better hurry back and wake up Pervy Sage so we can bail immediately..."
Naruto clenched the crumpled letter and turned to run toward Jiraiya's spot.
"Huh? What's that sound?"
Naruto stopped and looked around in confusion.
Was someone screaming?
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—"
The cry was getting louder.
And closer.
"Huh?"
Naruto finally pinpointed the source and looked up—only to see a dark, shadowy ass plummeting from the heavens.
Thud.
Having someone's butt cheeks planted directly onto his face left Naruto dizzy and seeing stars.
He even started hallucinating—why did he smell Sasuke?
"Mmph—! Who dares to attack Uzumaki Naruto-sama?!"
Thud.
Just as Naruto tried to wiggle free, another object landed on him.
This time, it seemed to be a head.
And it "landed" directly on his dick.
Crack.
"Yowch—Motherfu—!!"
Naruto let out a soul-piercing scream before his eyes rolled back and he passed out from the pain.
"It's over! Sasuke-san, I'm done for! I killed him!"
"Relax. Stay calm. Keep your voice down, or the night patrol is going to catch us..."
"I can't stay calm, Sasuke-san! There's blood on his lower body! Look! Hurry, use your invincible Sharingan and think of something!"
"..."
Zap.
A sharp flash of Chidori lightning crackled in the dark alley.
The unconscious Naruto twitched violently a couple of times as his crotch was scorched by the lightning release technique, effectively cauterizing the wound and stopping the bleeding.
"...Sasuke-san, I feel like I'm really done for this time."
"Don't worry about it. He has the Uzumaki clan's physique and the power of a Tailed Beast. He'll recover. Probably. Let's drag him to his house for now, and we'll figure this out tomorrow..."
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Bonus chap!
The choosen one has arrived!