"That guy must have something wrong with his brain."
On the way back to Konoha, Tsunade grumbled, kicking a small stone with unnecessary force.
"When we said goodbye earlier, he said 'congratulations in advance on your succession as Raikage.' Why did he call me 'Raikage'? I'm not dark-skinned. I don't use Lightning Release. Do I look like I wrestle bulls for breakfast?"
"Maybe in Amegakure, 'lightning' has another meaning," Shizune replied casually, walking beside her with Tonton the pig in her arms.
"Like... maybe it means 'flashy'?"
Shizune was in a somewhat bad mood at the moment.
Before leaving Orochimaru, to salvage her shattered image and reputation, Tsunade had once again declared loudly that she wasn't some "menopausal old lady."
She stated that what Shizune said earlier was correct—her youthfulness came from within!
But then, Karin had asked the question.
"What about the blood every month? If you have hemophobia, how do you handle your period?"
Tsunade's exact words were—
"Why do you think I bring Shizune along?"
"..."
Shizune shuddered at the memory.
"Huh? What's wrong? You look disappointed," Tsunade noticed Shizune's mood and found it strange.
She patted her assistant's shoulder aggressively. "Don't worry! You don't need to think about what you heard today regarding the future. Leave the world-saving to us big shots. You just need to..."
"Lady Tsunade," Shizune interrupted, looking up with a hurt expression. "I'm not thinking about the future. I... I wanted to ask... am I just a tool?"
"Uh..."
Tsunade looked awkward.
"Of course not!" she laughed nervously. "You're my valued apprentice!"
"Lady Tsunade, you hesitated just now."
"Shizune! Don't overthink it! I'll still need your assistance in the future. You can do many things—this reflects your abilities, your excellence! You mustn't underestimate yourself. Only useless people, who have no value to be utilized, won't be used by others. Being used is a compliment!"
Tsunade did her utmost to try and gaslight—err, coax Shizune.
Although she had made up her mind to succeed as the Godaime Hokage, she never said she would work nine-to-five and exhaust herself handling official duties.
The Mizukage and Tsuchikage had already begun delegating authority to their subordinates, so naturally, she would too.
Shizune would inevitably bear the brunt of this.
She absolutely couldn't be allowed to quit now!
"Lady Tsunade," Shizune sighed. "The Mizukage and Tsuchikage only delegated authority because their respective Daimyo died unexpectedly, forcing the Kage to take on the Daimyo's responsibilities too. They are overworked."
"You're not thinking of..."
No matter how flowery Tsunade's words were, Shizune saw right through them.
Shizune wasn't a fool.
After years of dodging debt collectors together, she knew Tsunade's character all too well.
She wants to be a figurehead!
"How could I..." Tsunade feigned innocence.
Shizune took the scroll Makoto had given Tsunade from her hand.
She opened it and studied the contents for a while.
"Lady Tsunade," Shizune read aloud. "This states that 'delegating authority is to ensure the Hokage maintains physical and mental well-being. It allows sufficient time for training, rest, and personal matters without worries.'"
"Right! Well said!" Tsunade nodded vigorously. "That kid's mouth might be vicious, but he's correct about this. A Hokage needs work-life balance!"
"What I mean, Lady Tsunade," Shizune closed the scroll and stared into Tsunade's eyes, "is that you're not planning to do nothing at all, are you?"
"'Ensuring physical and mental health, having private time, guaranteeing training hours'..." Shizune quoted sarcastically.
"Gambling and drinking are how you 'enjoy' yourself. And as for training? The Byakugo seal doesn't require active training once it's filled. You just store chakra while sleeping!"
"What are you saying, Shizune!" Tsunade cut her off with a stern, serious expression. "Since I've resolved to succeed as Hokage, I won't be like before. I will take this seriously."
"Huh?" Shizune was taken aback.
'Had Lady Tsunade truly turned over a new leaf? Did the shock about the future change her?'
"Drinking is to hone my social diplomacy skills," Tsunade declared shamelessly. "A Hokage must be able to drink other Kage under the table!"
"Gambling is for the village's funds—sacrificing personal interests for the greater good! If I win, the village gets rich! If I lose... it stimulates the economy!"
"..."
So only the justification had changed.
Shizune instantly felt Konoha's future was bleak.
Orochimaru said Lady Tsunade could make the wind of the Hidden Leaf shift—and it truly was shifting.
Though whether it blew forward or backward remained uncertain.
....
Hokage Building.
"Tsunade?!" Hiruzen dropped his pipe.
He looked surprised as Tsunade pushed the office door open and entered without knocking.
"You actually came back on your own? What bad timing—Jiraiya just left the village with Naruto an hour ago to find you!"
"Tch," Tsunade curled her lip. "I've been back for a while. I was hiding because the village seemed safe, and I didn't want to deal with you old fogies."
Tsunade walked over to the sofa and plopped down, putting her feet up on the coffee table.
"As for that idiot Jiraiya," she waved a hand dismissively. "Use your Telescope Technique to check if he's near any women's bathhouses around the village outskirts. He probably hasn't gotten far."
"...Found him," Hiruzen muttered.
He adjusted the crystal ball's display.
Indeed, he spotted two familiar figures peeping through a fence near a hot spring.
"Old habits die hard," Tsunade sneered.
It was unclear whether she was insulting Jiraiya or including Hiruzen with the jab.
After all, Hiruzen's quick locking onto nearby women's bathhouses implied these were his "Bookmarked Channels."
"Tsunade," Hiruzen cleared his throat, trying to regain dignity. "Since you're back, there's something I need to discuss. I hope you can—"
"I'll do it," Tsunade interrupted.
"Eh, what?" Hiruzen blinked.
"I came back to become the Godaime Hokage," Tsunade stated flatly. "Why else would I return? To catch up with you old perverts? I'm taking the hat."
Tsunade stood up, walked to the desk, and slammed her palm down, making the documents tremble.
"...Good. Good."
It took Hiruzen a moment to choke out those two words.
After Tsunade appeared, he had rapidly brainstormed ways to persuade her.
He had prepared speeches about the Will of Fire, guilt trips about her grandfather, and emotional blackmail about the village's safety.
Yet before he could utter a single word, Tsunade had agreed directly.
The feeling was like conserving energy for a month, saving up vigor, money, and time for a visit to the Red Light District... only to find it shut down!
'I have all this energy and nowhere to put it!'
Feeling utterly powerless, Hiruzen just nodded. "The ceremony will be in three days."
....
Senju Estate.
Tsunade returned to her dusty family residence.
"Lady Tsunade," Shizune asked quietly as she prepared the bedding. "It seems you don't intend to tell the Third Hokage or the advisors about those matters?"
Shizune knelt on the floor, pouring Tsunade a steaming cup of sake.
"That person... Makoto... he resembles my granduncle greatly in his pragmatism," Tsunade took a sip, her cheeks flushing slightly.
Tsunade had been deeply influenced by both her grandfathers.
From Hashirama Senju, she learned the Will of Fire, emotional sensitivity, and a crippling gambling addiction.
From Tobirama Senju, she acquired adaptability, rationality, and a talent for bureaucracy.
Among the generations of Hokage, only the Second and the Fifth possessed the true conditions for reform.
They were the pragmatists.
In the original timeline, after stepping down, Tsunade reminded Kakashi not to cling to old traditions but to understand the need for change.
She paved the way for modernization.
"I see," Shizune felt somewhat heavy-hearted.
After a while, Tsunade drank herself to sleep. As usual, Shizune helped her into the bedroom and tucked her in.
She then habitually laid out a futon nearby, lying down, turning off the light, and going to sleep.
Silence filled the room.
Then...
"Mmm..." Tsunade began to mumble in her sleep.
"Let's see if you still call me an old hag..."
"Hehe..."
"How could someone react to an 'old hag's' body like that... you little brat..."
"Hn..."
"Orochimaru... Jiraiya..."
"May you have a happy union... and get the hell away from me..."
"?"
Lying on the floor, Shizune's eyes snapped open. She listened to Tsunade's murmurs from the nearby bed, feeling inwardly shaken.
'What kind of moral degradation was this?!'
'What kind of dream did Lady Tsunade have?!'
'Is she dreaming about beating up Makoto... or something else?! And wishing Jiraiya and Orochimaru a 'happy union'?! Does she ship them?!'
Shizune pulled the covers over her head and decide she has heard enough!