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3rd Pov
Penny and Luke Mosby stared at their father with their mouths hanging open, frozen in disbelief after listening to the latest part of his story.
They had known their dad made questionable decisions sometimes.
But this?
Quitting his job out of nowhere?
They didn't know he made reckless, impulsive choices this fast.
"…What? How?" Penny finally managed, brows furrowing. "Were you already rich before you resigned?"
{Yes, I was rich, honey. Your daddy here knew exactly what he was doing.}
Old Ted said with the smuggest smile a father could possibly wear. {Come on, say it again! You're the greatest Daddy like you always do! I want to hear it again!}
Penny grimace hearing that, she just snapped her head and crossed her arms, refusing to say it and refusing to look at her dad. Of course, the red cheek on her face is already showing up.
Luke, meanwhile, looked utterly bewildered. His eyes drifted to the miniature building behind him, the one Old Ted kept bragging about for years.
"But if you quit your job," Luke said slowly, pointing at the model, "then how did you build your first building, Dad? Didn't you always brag about that?!"
{That's a long story before we get there, buddy. We're not even in the middle of the story yet.}
Old Ted replied, completely unfazed.
Penny and Luke exchanged a long, exhausted look, the look of two children realizing this story was nowhere near ending. Then they both slumped deeper into the couch like their souls were temporarily leaving their bodies.
Old Ted, of course, 100% ignored their suffering entirely.
{I know you guys are excited to hear this story, but I don't want to rush.}
He said it proudly, as if he wasn't the one dragging this story out like a 50-season TV show.
—---------
3rd POV
At MacLaren's, the entire booth fell into a stunned silence after Ted's announcement, except for Ted himself, who was still smiling proudly, champagne glass in hand like a man who had just solved life.
"Dude!" Barney suddenly exploded, his voice echoing off the walls. "Really?! You resigned from your low-paying job?!"
He stared at Ted with exaggerated seriousness… before breaking into the widest grin of the night.
"That is awesome!" He slapped Ted's hand in a dramatic high five, the kind that echoed like applause.
Barney wasn't done. Not even close.
"Did you slam your resignation letter on his desk?! Or!... or throw it into his office like this?!" Barney jumped up from his seat and began reenacting the most dramatic movie scene imaginable.
He stomped forward, tilted his chin up, and declared:
"I quit. Keep my low-paying salary this month for my colleagues....they deserve it more than me."
Then, to complete his masterpiece, he mimed spitting on the floor.
Marshall watched Barney's performance with a stern face, but inside?
Yeah. That would've been awesome.
Not that Marshall would ever admit that out loud.
He turned to Ted instead, waiting for actual confirmation of how things went down.
Ted simply smiled and refilled his champagne.
"No," he said calmly. "I quit the way normal people do. I handed my letter to my boss and told him the truth about why I had to leave the company."
Barney snorted, instantly losing interest.
"Lame. Ted, come on! If you walk away, you walk away with your head up! With flair! With style! You disappoint me."
Lily, who had been listening quietly, eyebrows rising higher and higher…finally jumped in.
"What is wrong with you, Ted?! Why would you quit your job just like that?! Didn't you want to build your own skyscraper?!"
Robin, still feeling like the outsider at the table, looked back and forth between them. She wasn't sure if she should contribute… or quietly slip away with her champagne and disappear into the night.
"Yes, Lily, I'm still gonna do that," Ted said with a sigh. "But I don't want to stay stuck in a company that doesn't see my talent, passion, or skill. I was stuck there building a Styrofoam tree! Why did I go to school just to build a Styrofoam tree?!"
"Why didn't you just say that to your boss, buddy?" Marshall asked, genuinely confused. He knew Ted deserved better than tiny fake trees.
But this was the real world.
…..You did whatever your boss told you.
"I did, Marshall," Ted said, taking another gulp of champagne. He looked at Barney. "After I went to the strip club with Barney-."
"Oh yeah! Did I tell you about that, Marshall? It was awesome! I already see myself living there," Barney said proudly.
Lily covered her face with her hands.
Robin grimaced, thoroughly disgusted with both of them.
"...Manwhores," she muttered loud enough for the entire table to hear.
Plural.
Meaning both of them. Ted and Barney.
"Hey, he invited me!" Ted protested immediately, throwing Barney under the bus while Barney simply smiled and patted Marshall's arm, completely unfazed by the insults from the women at the table.
"Go on, Ted," Lily said, crossing her arms. She looked at Ted like he was making yet another stupid life decision, which he was according to all of them.
"Okay, the point is, I can do better. I want to change." Ted's voice carried more weight now.
"So the next morning, I went to the office, met my boss, and told him I was ready for more important work than painting and building a goddamn tree!."
He slammed his glass onto the table for emphasis.
"Yeah!" Barney yelled, then whispered to Marshall, "…I'm sure we're not talking about his job at the strip club."
Marshall sighed and patted Barney's shoulder.
"Forget it, man. Ted already made his decision. We just need to support him."
He turned his attention back to Ted.
"....And my boss said," Ted continued, "'If you don't want to make the tree again, then you're free to quit.'"
Ted lifted his glass again with a victorious smile.
"So I quit."
Lily let out a long, heavy sigh, the sound of a woman used to Ted's questionable decisions.
"Fine, you stupid man. It's not like it's the first time I'm supporting your stupid decisions anyway."
She took a long drink of champagne.
Robin took another sip of her champagne before standing up, brushing her hair from her shoulder.
"I think I'm gonna go now. I should head back to the station," she said, waving lightly at everyone as she picked up her bag.
"So, what's your plan, buddy?" Marshall asked after giving Robin a polite goodbye along with the rest of the group. They watched her walk away from the booth.
"I'm rich, Marshall," Ted replied casually, far too casually, his words already slipping into tipsy territory.
"How rich are we talking about here?"
Robin's voice came again, suddenly much closer than expected.
Everyone turned. Robin hadn't left after all. She was standing right behind them, leaning slightly toward the group, curiosity written all over her face.
"Oh yeah, Ted...why didn't you call me?! I was lonely…" she added, hands on her hips.
"You skank," Lily said with a bright smile. It wasn't an insult and Robin knew it before she smirked.
Ted stared at Robin through the fog of champagne, his grin stretching from ear to ear.
"...Robin, haiii! Fancy meeting you here!!"
"He's drunk," Marshall muttered, rubbing his face. "...I think we let him finish a whole bottle of champagne alone…"
He glanced at the remaining liquid, barely a few drops.
"Wait, wait, wait! he said he's rich," Barney cut in like a man smelling gossip from five miles away. He placed a hand on Marshall's arm, stopping him. "We need to know how rich. You know this economy. You know this city. It's cruel to unemployed people like Ted. I am sure he's not richer than I am…" Barney said dramatically, pulling everyone into his exaggerated concern.
"Forget it, Barney. I don't even want to know," Marshall said, until he caught Lily's face. The curiosity and the excitement is showing on her face completely.
"Seriously?! Lily!"
Lily scoffed. "Oh come on, Marshall. You want to know too, right?!"
Marshall opened his mouth… then hesitated.
"Well….of course I want to know! But we can't just ask him this when he's drunk!"
"I want to know too, Marshall," Robin chimed in, sliding right back to her seat. She clearly wasn't leaving now that the tea was getting hot.
"Ted! How rich are you?!" Barney shouted, grabbing Ted by the shoulders and shaking him.
"Stop it, dude!" Marshall snapped. "Yes, I'm curious too, but it's his money. And yes, he doesn't have student loans… and yes… he does have a lot of nice clothes…"
His voice grew quieter with every confession.
"Marshall!" Ted suddenly said, lifting his champagne with dramatic seriousness.
"I haven't vomited since 1993. And I will keep that record!!!." he said with exaggeration before chugging his champagne again.
Robin's eyes widened. "Really? Vomit-free since '93?" she said, turning to the others like she had just found a cultural treasure. "You know what? We should break that record. It sounds way more fun than knowing how rich he is."
"No! Nu-uh! No way!" Marshall shouted instantly. "Vomit-free since '93 is impressive! I'm sure it's in the Guinness Book of Records somewhere! I'm not letting you guys ruin this!"
Barney, however, was already opening another champagne bottle with a sinister grin.
"Ted, drink more! We're celebrating your resignation!!" Barney cried, pouring aggressively into Ted's glass.
Robin lifted her own glass, raising it in excitement. "Yeah! To Ted quitting!"
Lily gave Marshall a deadly glare, silently warning him not to interfere.
It was clear what she felt:
This is better than knowing Ted's net worth.
Marshall understood.
Ted could always ask for help if he ever needed money, but did he really want to know the exact number when he said he is rich?
No.
Some mysteries were better left untouched. Money destroys everything.
—-----
The morning came, and the wall of drunkenness that wrapped around them the night before finally kicked in with full force.
Low groans echoed through Ted and Marshall's apartment, the sound of three adults regretting every life decision from the past twelve hours.
"...Ughhhh…" Lily groaned, wincing as the sunlight stabbed directly into her face through the blinds. Her head throbbed like a marching band was performing inside her skull.
She sat up slowly clutching the blanket around her and squeezing her eyes shut.
Her mind was blank.
Completely blank.
Not a single memory from the last part of the night.
But she was absolutely certain she was not the type to throw a crazy party.
…..Right?
"...Marshall?" she whispered while rubbing her temples.
Marshall was lying face-down on the carpet like he'd been dropped from the sky. His arms were sprawled out, his legs twisted in a way that ABSOLUTELY did not look comfortable for a man his size.
He let out a small groan.
"...my head hurts…"
Barney was somehow on top of the kitchen counter, sleeping with one hand still holding an empty champagne bottle like it was a microphone. His tie was wrapped around his forehead like a Japanese salaryman who spent the night drinking with their boss.
"Guys…" Lily croaked, "...what did we DO last night…?" she said with a really low voice now. Even when she's talking like that it hurts her head.
Nobody answers her, only groans and one loud snore from Barney.
Lily forced herself up, grumbled, and staggered toward Ted's room. She wanted to see Ted and demand an answer, but…
The door was cracked open.
Inside, tangled in the blankets, two figures lay close together.
Very close.
…..Very naked.
Lily blinked.
Her hangover evaporated instantly. Well… a little bit, she can think more now.
Ted… and Robin.
Ted's arm rested loosely across Robin's waist, Robin's face buried in his chest, both of them breathing gently in sync, peaceful and unaware of the chaos outside.
Robin shifted a little under the blanket, mumbling something unintelligible, tugging the sheets higher against her bare skin.
Lily slapped a hand over her mouth to prevent herself from squealing, not out of shock, but out of pure gossip-fueled excitement.
"OH. MY. GOD."
Marshall stumbled beside her, rubbing his eyes.
"Lily… what is—"
He looked into the room.
Stopped breathing.
"OH. MY. GOD."
Barney, who had fallen from the counter with a thud, dragged himself toward them like a zombie.
"What are we… screaming about…?"
He peeked into the cracked door.
His pupils dilated.
"OH.
MY.
GOD."
All three of them stared silently for a solid ten seconds.
Then Barney whispered, voice raspy:
"…Ted is officially not vomit-free since '93 anymore. There's NO WAY he survived this night while still holding that awesome title!."
Lily slapped his arm. "Shut up, Barney!"
Robin shifted again, snuggling deeper into Ted's chest. Ted let out a soft, sleepy hum, pulling her slightly closer.
The trio gasped in unison.
"....Oookay, we are leaving," Lily whispered sharply.
She grabbed both Marshall and Barney by their shirts and dragged them back toward the living room.
Back inside Ted's room, unaware of the chaos. Robin blinked awake, her head pounding but her body warm.
She looked down…
Saw someone's chest…
Saw her own very naked breast… she can feel her breast touching this mysterious man.
Then she looked up and saw who's naked body she's been holding right now. It turns out to be the wrong decision.
She sucked in a breath.
"Oh no."
She whispered.
"Ohhh no no no—"
Ted stirred next to her, eyes still closed, completely calm. And Robin's face turned red enough to catch fire.