Friday night. The boys were buzzing.
"Stan, get dressed," Tobi shouted, spraying cheap perfume into the air until the room looked foggy. "We are going to Club Vibe. Ladies' night. We need to be there."
Stan lay on his bed. He had exactly 200 Naira. That was enough for a sachet of water and maybe a biscuit. It was definitely not enough for a club entrance fee.
"Clubs are loud," Stan said, staring at the ceiling. "They are full of people trying to prove they are happy. I am already happy."
"Don't be a grandpa," Tobi said. "Destiny is going. He says he's buying a table."
Stan sat up. Destiny? The guy with the noisy Corolla?
"If Destiny is buying a table," Stan said, sliding off the bed, "then I must go. Someone needs to teach him how to sit at it."
They arrived at the club. The line was long. It was full of students sweating and pushing. The bouncer was a giant man with a face like stone. He was rejecting people left and right.
"Entrance is 2,000," the bouncer shouted.
Tobi and the other boys brought out their cash. They looked at Stan.
"Stan, where is your cash?" Tobi asked.
Stan adjusted his collar. He was wearing his black polo. It was tight on his arms. He looked serious.
"I don't pay to enter buildings," Stan said. "Buildings pay to have me."
"Bro, please don't embarrass us," Tobi whispered.
Stan walked past the line. He walked straight to the bouncer. He didn't smile. He didn't beg. He stood in front of the giant man and checked his invisible watch.
The bouncer looked down. "Oga, back of the line. 2k."
Stan looked up. He stared deep into the bouncer's soul. He looked like he was the manager's manager.
"Is the package inside?" Stan asked.
The bouncer paused. "What package?"
"The package," Stan lowered his voice, looking around suspiciously. "Don't tell me you don't know about the package. The Boss will be very angry if the security is loose tonight."
The bouncer got nervous. He didn't know about any package, but he didn't want to look stupid. Or get fired.
"Uh... yes. Everything is secure, boss," the bouncer stammered.
"Good," Stan said. "Keep your eyes open. I'm going in to inspect the perimeter."
Stan tapped the bouncer on the shoulder (a power move) and walked right in. Free of charge.
Tobi watched from the line, his mouth open. He paid his 2,000 and ran inside to find Stan.
Inside, the club was dark and loud. Destiny was there in the VIP corner, popping a bottle of cheap wine that had a sparkler on it. He looked happy.
Stan stood near the bar. He didn't buy a drink. He asked the bartender for a glass of ice. Just ice.
"Ice?" the bartender asked.
"I like it cold," Stan said.
He held the glass of ice. It melted slowly. It looked like a very expensive clear spirit.
A girl in a red dress danced up to him. "Hey. Why aren't you dancing?"
Stan looked at the crowd jumping up and down.
"I don't dance," Stan said over the music. "I vibrate at a frequency of success. Dancing spills the energy."
The girl laughed. "You are crazy. What are you drinking?"
"Glacier Water," Stan lied. "Imported from the North Pole. It's very exclusive."
He swirled the melted ice in his glass.
Just then, Destiny saw him. Destiny waved a bottle. "Stan! You made it! Come to the table! Have a drink on me!"
Destiny wanted to show off. He wanted Stan to beg for a drink.
Stan walked over. He looked at the cheap wine. He looked at Destiny.
"No thanks," Stan said. "I'm driving."
"Driving?" Destiny laughed. "You don't have a car!"
"I am driving this conversation," Stan said. "And that wine? It smells like headache."
The girls at Destiny's table giggled. Destiny turned red.
Stan turned to the girl in the red dress. "Come. The air here is too cheap."
He led her to the balcony. They stood there, looking at the parking lot. Stan had spent zero Naira. He had entered for free. He was drinking melted ice. And he had the prettiest girl in the club.
"You know," the girl said, leaning on the railing. "You are the coolest guy here."
"I know," Stan said. "It's the Glacier Water."
Mission Status: Legendary.
Are you ready for Chapter 6?