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"Nitori~~ You never let me play with this before."
Sanae's voice rang out, laced with a hint of resentment.
Back in Gensokyo, the Moriya Shrine and Kappa Heavy Industries were neighbors on Youkai Mountain. Sanae often visited the factory, fascinated by the heavy machinery.
Sanae Kochiya, a Living God, had a hobby that was an open secret in Gensokyo: She was a Mecha Fanatic.
She loved anything that looked cool and high-tech. (Using Nitori's Laser Cannon to fish was just the tip of the iceberg.)
"I built this Excavator specifically to dig out the new hot springs," Nitori beamed, patting the chassis. "It's powered by pure magic and controlled by mental intent. It moves like an extension of your own arm. If you want to play, go ahead! Just stay within the marked area!"
Nitori was ecstatic. What's better than free labor? Free labor that thinks they're having fun.
It was the "Agritourism Model": People pay you to pick your strawberries and thank you for the privilege.
"Then Brother, you go ahead and play. I'm going to find more workers."
The plan changed. Originally, Leo wanted to give Sanae a romantic tour of the valley. Now, he was squatting at a construction site, watching a beautiful girl operate an excavator with starry eyes.
Men share two common hobbies: Watching heavy machinery and watching beautiful women.
Now, Leo was watching a beautiful woman operate heavy machinery. He could squat here all day. It was paradise.
"Huh?"
Sanae stopped the machine. She extended the massive bucket toward Leo and beckoned.
"Yahoo! Hallelujah Great Cyclone!" Sanae shouted over the engine. "Mr. Leo! I understand that look in your eyes! Let's play together!"
Sanae was a good girl. She was empathetic. She saw the longing in Leo's eyes—the universal desire of every man to pilot a giant robot.
But since Leo had no magic, she would take him for a ride.
"Get in!"
Leo climbed into the bucket.
Bad idea.
SPIN CYCLE: MAXIMUM.
Gensokyo natives spent their days flying through bullet hells at Mach speed. They didn't even use umbrellas when it rained; they just dodged the drops.
Leo had ridden roller coasters. He thought he was tough.
He was wrong.
Sanae spun the excavator like a centrifuge. Leo was pinned against the inner wall of the bucket, his face distorted by G-force.
The Sanae in the cockpit was a different person. Normally, she was a quiet, gentle "Liberal Arts Goddess." Now? She was a feral beast.
"That was fun!" Sanae hopped out, cheeks flushed. "Mr. Leo, how do you feel?"
Leo stumbled out of the bucket.
"It was... great," he rasped. "Quite... thrilling. I'll... play again... next time."
He took two steps in a straight line. Then his legs turned to jelly.
Thud.
He collapsed face-first into the dirt.
"I'M SORRY!" Sanae shrieked. "I forgot you're just a human! I broke the believer! Hold on! I'll call a doctor!"
She screamed toward the sky.
"GAP HAG! HELP!"
Zip.
A Gap opened. Yukari air-dropped Eirin Yagokoro onto the scene.
"What is going on?"
Eirin stood there holding a feather duster. She looked like she had been in the middle of spring cleaning.
"It was like this!" Sanae gestured wildly. "Swoosh swoosh! Woo woo! Yahoo! Splat! And then he died!"
To a normal person, this was nonsense. But Eirin was a veteran pediatrician for youkai. She understood immediately.
"Ischemia from high G-force," Eirin diagnosed. "He'll be fine. Just needs blood flow restored."
She crouched down and began to knead Leo's limbs.
"Argh..."
Sensation returned. It was that soul-piercing numbness—like when your leg falls asleep on the toilet, but multiplied by ten. Millions of invisible needles stabbed him.
"Stop... stop moving!" Leo wheezed.
Eirin ignored him and finished the massage.
"Alright. Your constitution is actually quite good, young man," Eirin noted, wiping her hands. "You just have a bit of kidney deficiency and a fatty liver. Try to stay up late less often."
"You're full of...!" Leo tried to protest.
"I'll prescribe you some medicine," Eirin interrupted smoothly. "Remember those Parsnips (Windbreak Grass)? Plant more. Eat them daily. Combined with my medicine, you'll be cured in a month."
She looked at Leo, who was kneeling on the ground clutching the hem of her skirt.
"What were you saying just now?" Eirin smiled dangerously.
"It's nothing," Leo said quickly, changing his tune. "My legs are just weak. I accidentally knelt. Do you still have any of the Parsnips I sold you? I want to buy some back for seeds."
Who said Parsnips were trash? Parsnips are life! Parsnips are love!
"I have some left. I'll have Reisen send them over. No charge," Eirin chuckled. She loved watching young men try to act tough.
"I'm planning to take Sanae on a tour of Stardew Valley," Leo said, standing up with Sanae's help. "Want to come along?"