I keep my head down and hurry.
Some people call me names or throw trash at me as I pass but I try to ignore it. No worse than any other morning, really. Once I somehow make it through the gauntlet unharmed, I sit alone by the wall, watching everyone else from a safe and secluded distance.
Great start to the day…
I begin to eat my hot and spicy noodles, watching everyone else have fun talking with their friends. I wish I had friends, but nobody likes me. They call me creepy, 'it', and 'thing'. I don't know what's wrong with me…
Despite it all, I still try. Sometimes.
It's really hard to keep up hope.
But I do hope one day I can make a friend…
"Oh, Fiiive!" Subject Five-Five-Eight sings.
My heart drops and my stomach turns.
Oh no. Damn it. Damn, damn, damn.
Eight drops her tray at my small picnic table and plops into the seat next me. She's a pretty girl with shoulder length blonde hair and a bright smile on her face at all times.
It's fake. She's a little freaking monster.
Without saying anything, she smiles at me for a while. Under the table, I'm scratching my arm raw. My heart is racing, my breaths are short, my nerves are maxed out. I should run. I need to get away.
She's going to hurt me again.
"How are you?" she politely asks. "Doing well?"
I hide behind my bangs, head hanging low.
"I sure hope not." She leans forward and spits in my noodles, then shoves them toward me. "Go on. Aren't you hungry?"
If I don't react, maybe she'll get bored.
"Eat it. Or else. You don't want me to send you to the Infirmary again, do you? I'd hate to do that, so don't make me. Eat it. Right now."
Hands shaking with terror, I force myself to take a bite of the noodles, feeling like I might throw up.
"There you go!" She laughs at me, then lifts a hand.
I flinch, covering my head with my arms.
"Great morning, isn't it?" she asks, stealing my milk carton. "Read any good books lately, Five?"
"I–Yeah, last–last night I read one about–"
"That was sarcasm. I don't know how you missed that, you creepy thing."
"It was about fireflies and–"
She hits me hard over the head and leaves before the Orders even take notice. Like it never happened. It rattled me, and I'm a little dazed.
"Ow… That one really hurt…"
I was so eager to share what I'd learned about fireflies with someone, anyone. I know she's mean but it isn't like I'm not trying to be friends. I want to be friends. Even though she hits me and makes fun of me and breaks my stuff, I still try.
"I don't get it," I mumble to myself, clawing at my arm so hard it ruptures the capillaries underneath my skin. It's turning all red and splotchy over my ghostly pale complexion. "I don't get it. I just don't get it…"
Forcing myself to stop scratching before I tear open another sore, I stare at my noodles for a while, watching the broth steam, then push my tray away. I'm not hungry anymore.
Guess that really is why I'm underweight…
Someone darts over and slows to a stop not far from me. Oh. There she is again. That girl I always seem to run into. I don't know who she is, but she's tall, pale, and skinny, with long, straight black hair, and a haunting, unblinking, wide blue-eyed stare. We've never said anything to each other or traded more than passing glances, but I recognize that she's like me.
Alone.
Her head turns as she scans around, then she stares at me. It's an uncomfortable feeling, being subjected to her intent scrutiny. I want to try talking to her but I'm more than a little scared of her. There's something off about her. I don't know what it is. All I can pin down is that she feels similar to the purple eyes in my nightmares. Yet, just like the eyes, she's never hurt me, only ever observed.
Like a predator watching its prey.
After what feels like ten whole minutes, she finally looks away. Then she's gone, sprinting into the nearest corner garden. Before I can process that, a group of other girls at a table nearby bursts out laughing and another table full of boys keeps giving them looks from not far off. Attention that they're clearly enjoying.
Nobody ever looks at me like that…
On second thought, I'm not sure I want them to.
I try to sit in peace but it's getting too loud so I give up and leave, darting into the same corner garden the scary girl vanished in. I sigh with relief when the noise canceling ambient occlusion field kicks in and the noise from the rest of the Cafeteria goes silent. It just sounds like a nice forest.
Much better.
I'm about to relax but I freeze in place.
Standing vigil on a tall rock, she stares at me.
Up there, the whole Cafeteria is within sight.
I know, because I've climbed this rock before.
My legs won't move. I can't take my eyes off her. I'm really scared. She looks like she's ready to hurt me. And she's way bigger than me, so she absolutely could. But then… She lifts her gaze to observe the Cafeteria again. As if I've passed some kind of inspection. Like she verified that I'm not a threat.
I don't know what else to do, so I run away.
Once she's out of sight, I find a warm rock in the sun next to a small babbling creek, watching the frogs jump in and out of the water without a care in the world. Some of the other kids sometimes pick them up, carry them away, shake them around, but I never bother them. The most I'll do is collect tadpoles in my hands just to get a better look, but I'm always gentle and put them back shortly after.
I feel at peace with animals, fake as these might be. I don't know why I'm constantly made to deal with other people. I don't like most people. Not one bit. They're all so mean to me.
"I should read a book about frogs," I mutter to myself, ignoring the aching growl in my stomach. "I like frogs. I hope you like me…"
One of them hops onto my blue sock and ribbits.
That makes me feel a little better.