Jia Hao gritted his teeth, tightening his eyes shut as he tried to keep in his tears. Whimpering each time his Father's lash came in contact with his skin.
"You have disgraced this family. You dare share romantic gestures with someone of the same gender! Disgusting I say!"
Jia Hao folded his lips as his father continued lashing him. His knees gave up as he fell on the ground. He felt his father yank him up by fisting his hair.
"After this, I'm sure you'll return back to normal. Can't you be like ZhangHao?! He's happily married. He's normal!"
Jia Hao almost scoffed. Married? Yes.
Happily? No.
His Father had tied down his brother in an arranged marriage, just for connections.
"I'll return you to normal. You'll be cured of your disease" His father said and continued whipping him. Ignoring the whimpers of his son.
Jia Hao cursed his life under his breath. If this was the life he had to live, he wouldn't want to live at all.
Born into a family clouded by money and status. A family that knew nothing of acceptance and love. A family that saw each other as tools for connections.
A family that cared not about the hunger and thirst of the poor.
He wanted nothing to do with it.
He wanted to leave.
Jia Hao opened his eyes. He harshly wiped his tears as he stared down at the top of the library. His heartbeat clouding his ears.
He didn't want to. But it was the only way to be freed. From everything. Even if it meant not seeing the people he loved again.
He closed his eyes, letting out a shaking breath.
Just as he raised his feet, he felt someone hold his hand, going down with him.
Jia Hao felt his back hitting the mattress he had earlier placed on the ground.
This had become a thing. He would jump off, landing on the mattress, trying to get used to the feeling of falling.
If he was going to go, he didn't want to be scared.
He immediately whipped his head to the side, seeing the person who jumped with him.
"Anxin!" He worriedly called, looking at Anxin who had his eyes closed, his chest heaving up and down.
Anxin opened his eyes, he saw Jia Hao looking at him. He immediately sat up, pulling Jia Hao into a hug.
"Wha- What are you doing here Anxin—
Anxin leaned out of the hug, his tears falling.
"You nearly died! Do you realize that?! You could have really died!" He yelled.
Jia Hao felt his heart break at Anxin's sight.
He felt his eyes sting. "You idiot. If you knew that, then you should have let go of my hand.
Why did you fall with me?"
"How could I let go?! How could I let go of your hand?!" He wailed, hitting Jia Hao's chest.
Jia Hao quietly watched as Anxin loudly cried, hitting him. He held his hands, Anxin still crying.
"How... How could I let go knowing I might never see you again?" Anxin whispered, his head falling on Jia Hao's chest as he cried.
Jia Hao looked elsewhere trying to blink away the tears that threatened to fall.
"Hyung.. how could you do this to me.. how would I be able to live if you're not here?"
Anxin muttered, his tears soaking Jia Hao's shirt.
He leaned out, his hands holding Jia Hao's face. Jia Hao moved his face away not wanting Anxin to see his tears. Anxin moved his head back.
"Hyung.. please.. I'm here for you.. I beg.. Sangwon hyung's here too.. you can't just leave us behind" Anxin quietly said. Jia Hao looked down.
"You don't understand" Jia Hao whispered, his tears finally leaving his eyes.
"I don't need to understand hyung.. I just.. You need to understand that we care for you. I do. You promised me.. you said you'll stay by my side always. I'm not letting you break that"
Jia Hao shook his head. "I'm sorry.." He whispered.
Anxin pulled him into a hug. "You don't have to hold it in anymore... I'm here.. you can cry to me" He said rubbing his back.
Jia Hao tightened the hug, burying his face in Anxin's neck as he quietly cried.
"It's okay.. you can cry to me.. I'm listening.. I'm here.." Anxin whispered, his tears flowing down.
-
Sangwon wiped his tears as he looked in the mirror. He opened his mouth and tried forcing out words.
He harshly cleared his throat, trying again.
Come on Sangwon.
He forced, his throat aching. He shook his head not letting his tears hold him back. He harshly hit his throat.
Please. Just one word.
He opened his mouth again trying to force himself to speak. Only muffles came out. His face twisted in hurt and pain as he looked back at his helpless self in the mirror.
Please. I have someone to call. Just.. one word.
He fell before the mirror as he cried. His hand hitting his neck.
Leo immediately walked in having seen enough. He held Sangwon's hand, stopping him from hitting his neck.
His heart shattering when he saw the bruises on Sangwon's neck. "Sangwon.." he quietly called.
Sangwon pushed him away.
'What? Have you come to laugh at me? I'm trying. I'll speak so you don't have to be ashamed of me anymore'
Sangwon stood up and faced the mirror, his tears flowing down. Leo's heart broke each second, seeing Sangwon's broken face when nothing came out.
"Sangwon" he held Sangwon. Sangwon broke out of his embrace and faced the mirror again as he cried, trying to speak.
"Sangwon stop–
Sangwon cried turning back to the mirror. His hands strangling his neck, trying to squeeze out words.
"Sangwon!" Leo yelled pulling him into a hug. Sangwon fell into his embrace as he cried.
"Stop.. please" Leo begged, his eyes stinging with tears. "You're hurting yourself.. please stop"
'I just want to be heard. Please don't be ashamed of me'
Leo pushed Sangwon's head back to his chest as he rubbed his head. Sangwon's cries broke his heart. He harshly wiped his tears as he hugged him.
"I can never be ashamed of you Sangwon"
"I love you for you"
"Please.. never do this again." Leo said gently kissing his head. "You don't have to speak for me to like you"
"I am your voice"