I applied some disinfectant on her cheek and cleaned it before I applied the anti swelling cream.
"I don't feel sleepy." I whined three minutes after we both snuggled under my comfy light grey comforter.
"Me neither" Tanya said, turning on her side so that her light brown orbs were boring into mine.
"Tanya," I whispered her name in the dim light. "Marry me?" I asked and we both giggled like maniacs.
"I think you should get on one knee when you ask for my hand, I am a proper lady." She whispered back and we giggled even harder.
"Why are we whispering?" I asked
"I don't know," she answered, pushing a strand of hair from my face. We choked on our giggles till we couldn't breath.
"Tanya?" I whispered again and her orbs danced with amusement.
"Yes?"
"You are not a proper lady." I said and we burst into laughter again. She really was a ray of sunshine in my life.
"I met a guy." I said and she instantly stopped laughing and propped her head on her right hand and stared down at me.
"No way, when?" She asked loudly, a great contrast to how we'd been whispering.
"I had an episode in the club gents bathroom, I had entered there by mistake that night and…" I said sitting up and pulling my legs to my chest suddenly feeling cold at the memory. "I thought I had beaten the episode but I…" I huffed. I was pretty shaken so much to speak. "It was so dark tee, I was lost"
"I'm sorry baby, I wasn't there it's my fault, but you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone, it was your first time in a crowded space, I'm super proud of you." She comforted me as she pulled me into a hug.
"I just thought I had beat the episodes, I can't break down again Tee, if my father…" I said into her shoulder.
"Shhhh, it was a one time thing and your father isn't going to know, okay? we'll get through this"
"I just don't wanna go back to the mansion and be surrounded by his paid therapists, I can't tee, I can't lose my company, I can't …"
"Shhh, there there girl you know I'm always here for you, okay?" I nodded into her shoulder and hugged her tightly. If my father caught even a peep of what had happened I would for sure lose my company and he'd put me back in rehab for months again and have me in the mansion under twenty four hour watch. The only reason he funded my small company was because I had spent two whole years convincing him I was stable enough and I wouldn't curve inwards and shatter when left alone in my own apartment. I didn't blame him for his harsh measures to protect me from myself but I could lose my mind if I had to live in the shadow of my fears one more time. Being forced to talk about things I wanted to forget could push me over the edge. I couldn't go through that ever.
Maybe it was all the comfort I need being in my friends arms I drifted off for a few peaceful hours of sleep but only for a few hours before I was back in my worst nightmare
'Don't do this please ,nooooo!' I screamed but that was a mistake because longnoses hand engulfed my jaw in deadly grip. my screamsseemed to power his excitement. his swollen tip moved dangerously close to my mouth and i could shut my mouth either because his fingers were digging into my jaw with how strong his grip was on my jaw….
I shot up in bed with a start my breath laboured. Sweat dripped down my back. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I chanted like a mantra as I rested my face in my hands. The bedside lamp came on within a second and Tanya's sleepy but worried eyes settled on me.
"Are you okay?" She asked even though we both knew I was far from okay, my nightmares were increasing in recent days and I hadn't had a full night sleep in ages. The bugs under my eyes were getting worse and worse and Jess was going to tell me I looked more of a nun from the horror movies more than she did and that was more scary than it sounded.
"No" I answered honestly, falling back onto the mattress.
"If I marry you, is this how it's gonna be every night?" Tanya tried to lighten the mood and I sighed but I wasn't scared anymore.
"It seems I'm not a proper husband either." I said and we chuckled.
"Alana?"
"yes"
"A friend of mine said taking self defence classes can help reduce these episodes." She mumbled into the night.
"Really?" I asked turning to face her
"Really." She nodded. "Well we can try, right?"
"I'll think about it, thanks wife." I said, yawning before throwing my hand around Tanya and fell asleep again.
"I didn't say yes yet." I heard her say before I drifted off into slumber. I was a shitty husband indeed.