Shreya--
Sunday morning, we all visited the temple together. The rituals,Pooja and the prayers, the standing in lines, the blessings, everything happened as planned. Then came lunch. Long tables. Endless conversations. Forced smiles.
One thing was common between Tanmay and me.
We were tired.
Not just physically but mentally too, deeply tired. Social gatherings drain us. The kind of exhaustion that settles behind the eyes and weighs down the shoulders. Hours passed. One discussion after another. Topics of discussion kept changing, but the noise remained the same.
When all the family members finally decided to leave, Tanmay politely told them that the two of us needed to discuss something. I didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but I felt relieved.Not because I want some alone time with him, but with him it's quite and peaceful.
soon we were driving toward an isolated garden cum resturant outside the city. It has lake view. Very beautiful.The traffic thinned. Buildings passed, gave way to trees. A quiet lake appeared in the distance, reflecting the fading orange of the sunset.
We reached the garden and sat on a bench.
At first, I instinctively moved toward another bench, a little farther away. Space felt safer.
Tanmay noticed immediately.
He made a face, pointed casually.
Tanmay: See there… can you see that bench? That's the most isolated one if you want to sit even farther away from me.
I looked where he pointed. The view was beautiful there too, but the sarcasm was obvious.
I sighed softly and sat beside him instead, keeping a distance.
Shreya: You're always talking about peace and personal space, so I thought...
(I looked at him, slightly unsure. Why he's making fuss about this ?)
Tanmay: It's fine. You know how to maintain individual space. I'm not so fragile that I can't share a bench in the name of peace.
(Then, after a brief pause, he added quietly)
Tanmay: I trust you. You don't disturb intentionally.
(That sentence landed softly. True, why would I ? I am good person.)
Shreya: You do trust me. I know that. And you're right, I'd never do it intentionally.
( I said that with proud.I tilted my head.)
Shreya: By the way, you wanted to discuss something?
(He stared ahead at the lake, then seemed to remember.)
Tanmay: It's nothing big. I just wanted some peaceful time… for us. We went through too much today. Rituals, pooja, people.
(The word "Us" echoed in my mind.Sometimes Tanmay makes things sound dangerously close to real.)
I inhaled quietly, grounding myself.
Shreya: "Us" means…?
Tanmay: Ohh...( he immediately clarified) not like new-couple stuff. I meant partners.
(He groaned lightly. He thought I will take it in another way. Don't worry Tanmay, it's not happening.)
Tanmay: Why are you looking at me like that? Stop... I thought it would be good to bring you here. I can come alone, but you know how families are. Even if you go home, people won't stop talking. So yes , I brought you here. I am kind person.
(I laughed lightly. He got nervous for no reason. I averted my gaze towards lake and said)
Shreya: I guess… thank you for your kindness.
Tanmay: You think I brought you here for some other reason?
(I looked at him with annoyed expression...)
Shreya: Ahh...Tanmay ...Stop it. I believe you. From now on, whatever you or I do for each other will be counted as good partner behavior. Topic closed.
(He sighed and smiled in relief.)
Tanmay: Very efficient. Take leave on next Friday. We'll go to Mumbai.
Shreya: Okay.
( I didn't turned to look at him. View is so good.)
Tanmay: By the way… so many blessings we're receiving for our partnership.
(I laughed softly. That rituals, Pooja meant for couple's union stay blessed and be with eachother for long. And us? Totally different goals.For success in life. For growth.But It felt strange. Almost guilty.)
Shreya: Do you feel guilty?
Tanmay: Our way is unconventional. Not illegal. Not harmful. Only self-growth.
I smiled. We were always on the same page.
We sat in silence for a while, watching the sun dip into the lake. Then a thought surfaced.
Shreya: Can I ask something?
Tanmay: If it's about my past relationship, I'm not interested.
Shreya: No. Not that.
(I hesitated.)
Tanmay- Fine. Ask.
Shreya: What if you and I married the people we loved? Would we still feel this tired? This exhausted? Or is it just who we are? We almost hate gatherings.
(He didn't turn toward me. His eyes stayed on the water.)
Tanmay: I don't know. It's my first time too. But about being tired, maybe we're just weirdos. Some people enjoy social gatherings. I think it's exhausting either way.
(I nodded, then I spoke which wasn't necessary.slipped.)
Shreya: When Vaishali got married, she told me even when she was tired, spending a few minutes alone with Bhuvan charged her. Just smiling, hugging… it never felt exhausting.
(The words hung in the air.Too late, I realized. He's expression changed, he got upset for sure.)
My hand flew to my mouth.
Shreya: Sorry… I didn't...
(He smiled gentle, wounded.)
Tanmay: It's okay. Just… think before you speak. You sprinkle salt on open wounds.
(He looked pitiful.)
Shreya: Ohh god, I'm so exhausted that my mouth runs faster than my mind.
His expression shifted.
Tanmay: I had someone like that too. Just looking at her made me happy…
(He stopped. Pain and sadness clear on his face)
I placed my hand on his shoulder instinctively, feeling the tension beneath.
Shreya: I'm really sorry. I slipped.
Tanmay: So what now? You want to back off because you won't get that comfort?
(I laughed softly, tired laughter.)
Shreya: No. Some people are lucky. May God protect loving couples from evil eyes. But we're fine. At least I got a partner I can ask stupid questions to, even if they almost breach the contract.
(I made a fist and held it out playfully.
He mirrored me instinctively. And we bump it together.)
Tanmay: I'm just sensitive. Don't worry, bro. I hope I recover.
(I patted his shoulder.)
Shreya: Of course you'll recover.
Then he hesitated.
Tanmay: I want to ask something too. I never thought you'd accept this agreement. You're normal, Shreya. You've never been in a relationship. But from day one, you seem… guarded. Like you're protecting yourself.
Shreya: Nonsense. I'm not heartbroken.
Tanmay: Then why aren't you curious about love?
(I exhaled slowly. Everyone have so many layers of personality. Mine is deeper maybe.)
Shreya: I learned from my environment. And I never found love. But I am hoping to find it one day. Experiences taught me safety matters. Choose yourself first, because what if nobody chooses you? I can't wait for someone to come and love me or save me...right ?
He nodded.
Tanmay: Still, there are decent people who can give that.
Shreya: I don't know. Most of I met, they don't have patience to understand. That's why safety matters.
( I realized I'd shared too much. Feeling embarassed, I dug my nails into my palm.)
He paused.
Tanmay: It's okay. Things are deeper than they appear. I hope you find what you want. And if you ever feel heavy… you can tell me. I will not go and tell anyone. Clown like me can't do gossip.
Shreya: There's no story. And even if there were, I wouldn't share. We're not that close. Have I ever asked about your breakup?
( He laughed. )
Tanmay: Fair enough. Enjoy the view then.
(I smiled. We sat there for while.)
Tanmay--
On the way to Shreya's home, we drove in complete silence. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts, so not a single word was spoken during the entire ride. When we reached, she stepped out, paused for a moment, waved a simple goodbye, and went inside. I watched her until she disappeared from sight, then drove away.
(It's little habit, developed.)
Night fell again.
And once again, my mind was filled with thoughts , thoughts I shouldn't have revisited. Shreya's words had unknowingly stirred something inside me. I had always dreamed of marriage with my ex. With her, everything felt easy. Even when I was exhausted, just being with her made me feel lighter. Like Shreya said about her friend, seeing her husband, spending a few moments together, recharged her. My case had been the same.
I'm not saying being with Shreya feels difficult or tiring. It doesn't. She's calm and understanding. But the magic of those feelings was different.
In the past, my love was so deep that even if I had died in pain, I would've had no regrets. That was the intensity of it. Now that my all dreams were shattered. I no longer have anyone to live for or die for.
I had been restraining myself from thinking about her for months. I thought I was doing fine. But tonight, I missed her more than I had in a long time.
Against my better judgment, I opened my social account.
Not my main one as I rarely use that. This was the other account. The one nobody knows about. A ghost account, perhaps, the account of a heartbroken lover.
It had been months.
The moment her face appeared on my screen, I knew it was a mistake.
She was still with Abhinav. A big ring shone on her finger. She had posted many photos, traveling together, smiling in every frame, looking happy everywhere they went. Then a reel played automatically. Abhinav was proposing to her. They kissed.
My eyes filled instantly. They turned red, and my hands started trembling. My chest felt tight as if something heavy was pressing against it.
Here I was, trying every day to rise like a phoenix from ashes. Every time I tried to start something new or good, I ended up missing the same person all over again.
The pain felt burning and raw. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I tried to move on every day, but it felt forced. I punished myself so much that I no longer felt excited about anything. My real smile had vanished.
I wasn't at rest even for a moment. I ate without interest. At the gym, I exercised without caring about time, pushing myself just to feel physical pain, as if it could distract me from everything else.
And on the other side, her smile never faded.
She looked happier. Free. Without guilt. Without attachment.
Why was I the only one left feeling this pitiful? Why ?
I kept asking. But there is no answer.
I couldn't sleep the entire night. When morning finally came, I got up and continued with my life.
This bitterness had now become a part of me..