TENANT GROUP CHAT
Sheldon Cooper: Greetings, fellow tenants. I have expanded this group chat to include all current residents for the purposes of efficiency, coordination, and the reduction of chaos. Please acknowledge. — S.
Max: Expanded? Sheldon, this chat already feels overcrowded.
Leonard: At least he didn't call it mandatory.
House: Give it time.
Penny: Oh wow—hi everyone! Is this, like… a building thing?
Max: Welcome, Penny. You've joined the circus.
Penny: Cool. I've been in worse auditions.
Brenda: Who made this chat? And why do I already regret joining it?
Chloe: Morning, Chief—uh, Brenda.
Brenda: It's Sunday. Brenda is fine.
Sheldon Cooper: Your informal address preference has been noted. Welcome, Brenda Johnson, Chief of Police.
Brenda: …You're already profiling me, aren't you?
House: He does that. I fake medical charts just to upset him.
Helen: Hello everyone. Is this where the noise is coming from?
Trixie: HI HELEN!!! <3 <3 <3
Helen: Oh. That answers my question.
Mike: Wait, why am I in this chat?
Raymond: Because you live here, Mike.
Mike: Right. I keep forgetting that part.
Max: Sheldon… you made a group chat for our building? What's next, a mandatory dress code for breakfast?
Leonard: I mean… not a bad idea.
Sheldon Cooper: Negative. Dress code is irrelevant. This chat is purely functional.
House: Functional, huh? So I can text "I'm taking over the grill" and everyone obeys?
Sheldon Cooper: Incorrect. This is not a command hierarchy. It is a coordination tool.
Sheldon Cooper: This chat will be used for announcements, emergencies, and structured communication.
Max: Structured. That lasted thirty seconds.
Penny: So if I, hypothetically, lock myself out again… this is where I ask for help?
House: Hypothetically, yes. Realistically, we laugh first.
Brenda: I'm already concerned.
Trixie: I can put emojis! 🦄 🦄 🦄🦄 🦄 🦄
Trixie: NEW GAME!!! Who can send the most unicorns in one minute???🦄 🦄 🦄
Brenda: Is this a prank? Because if it is, I respect it.
Sheldon Cooper: This is an experiment.
House: That's worse.
Penny: I'm in.🦄 🦄
Helen: I don't know how to do emojis.
Trixie: I'LL TEACH YOU!!!
Mike:Please don't.
Chloe:Sheldon, are there rules for this?
Sheldon Cooper:Yes. I will be moderating.
Max: That's adorable.
Chloe: Wait… so every time Max burns a cupcake or someone floods a toilet, we report it here?
Max: Exactly. Sheldon, you made my life easier AND harder at the same time.
Raymond: Sheldon, if this chat gets out of hand, I'm deleting it. That's an order.
Sheldon Cooper: Noted. But orders are irrelevant. I'm the administrator.
John Wick: Administrator? Are there permissions? Can I ban someone for posting memes?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes. You may be demoted for excessive meme usage.
Trixie: I just sent 100 unicorn gifs!
Leonard: Sheldon…
Sheldon Cooper: Punitive action is now in effect. Trixie, consider this your first warning.
House: This is better than Netflix. I'll be following for entertainment purposes only.
Max: [Image: A very burnt cupcake] As a warning to all tenants. You're welcome.
Trixie: Ha!
Chloe: Can someone make a poll? I vote on "Who ate my coffee?"
Raymond: No polls. Just peace and order.
House: Fine. I'll just anonymously blame it on Sheldon. Works every time.
Sheldon Cooper: House, I see your strategy. It will not succeed. Evidence must be documented.
Trixie: Oooh! Can we make a game? Every time someone breaks a rule, we give them Sheldon a sticker!
Sheldon Cooper: This… is actually… acceptable.
Max: I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to this group chat…
John Wick: Me neither. I mean… maybe just a little.
Raymond: Alright, everyone. Let's not destroy the building with this chat before dinner.
Trixie: No promises.
Trixie: New idea! Competition—who can send the most unicorn gifs in one minute?
Max: Trixie, you realize Sheldon's going to calculate the exact number and declare the winner before the timer ends, right?
Sheldon Cooper: Incorrect. Probability and combinatorics are part of a controlled experiment. I will ensure fairness.
House: Controlled experiment? I've been burned by your experiments before, doc. Count me out.
Leonard: I'm just here to make sure Sheldon doesn't break anything… or us.
Raymond: Sheldon, this chat better not lead to a emotional damage or I'm deleting the app.
Trixie: I will send 50 unicorn emoji! Wait, I can do more!
Chloe: Sheldon, what happens if Trixie sends 500?
Sheldon Cooper: I will have to invoke a digital cooldown protocol. Ten minutes minimum.
John Wick: Or we could just mute her for a second. Problem solved.
Max: Muted? Noooo, we can't stop the chaos now! It's entertaining!
Trixie: VIDEO CALL TIME!
Everyone: WHAT?!
[Incoming Video Call from Trixie] [ And Invite 3 of Her Friend Into The Group Chat]
Trixie: Look everyone! My friends want to join the chat! Say hi!
Kindergartner 1: Unicorns are the best!
Kindergartner 2: I want cupcakes!
Kindergartner 3: Who's that grumpy man?
House: Is this… real? She's really doing this.
Sheldon Cooper: This is an egregious breach of quantum social protocol! I demand an immediate containment!
Leonard: Sheldon… it's just a video call… calm down.
Max: Oh no… Trixie is teaching them to spam gifs too!
Trixie: Everyone! Send your unicorn gifs! NOW!
Chloe: Oh my god… why am I supervising this?!
Raymond: I should've installed a firewall in this building for my own sanity.
Helen: [Waving in background] Hi kids!
John Wick: I feel like we're all trapped in some weird kindergarten dystopia.
Sheldon Cooper: This is a catastrophe of unprecedented magnitude!
House: Sheldon… lighten up. It's adorable chaos.
Max: Adorable? I'm going to need wine after this.
Raymond: Or a lobotomy.
[Sheldon Remove the Kindergartner kids]
Sheldon Cooper : I have already remove the kindergartner.
Trixie: Okay everyone! Next challenge—who can name all the planets in order!
Sheldon Cooper: Finally, a challenge worthy of my intellect!
House: I'm going to lose on purpose… just for fun.
Leonard: I think I'm going to need a nap.
Trixie: Wait… I have one more idea…
Max: Oh no…
Raymond: I think this group chat just turned into a daycare… permanently.
Haley : What is going on in here?
Max : Scroll to the top, honey. And enjoy the chaos.