"Hey, Chief Uzen?"
"Yes?"
"I already told you I mean no harm, right?"
"Yup."
"Then why am I being tied up?"
I'm currently hanging upside down, ropes wrapped tightly around my body, dangling like a punching bag in a gym. The rope is fastened to a spike, leaving me swaying helplessly in midair.
"Isn't it obvious? It's so you can't escape like you did last time." The black-haired woman smirked, giving the rope a shove and sending me spinning as if she's just done the funniest thing imaginable.
"Yes! So you better behave, Kamen Rider-san!" The short-haired blonde nods enthusiastically, an ominous glint flashing in her eyes. "The Seventh Unit will take care of you."
Thinking back on everything that happened before this makes me want to scratch my head—if only I could reach it.
Right after we defeated the Shuukis, the other members accompanying Chief Uzen arrived in their vehicles from their original place where they were guarding the gate.
The moment they showed up, Chief Uzen grabbed my arm like a Border Patrol agent seizing an illegal immigrant and threw me to the ground.
The instant her fingers wrapped around my wrist, I could already tell this woman possessed a monstrous amount of strength. Her grip wasn't just firm—it was a literal vice.
And that's how I ended up in my current situation.
Still in my suit.
Hanging upside down.
Bound tightly.
Surrounded by three women and a kid, all staring at me like some exotic animal on display at a zoo.
You know, I could escape from this whenever I want. Right now, even.
Though I'm pretty sure that wouldn't be a good idea at the moment.
Well, whatever. I'll just humor them for now. If this is what it takes to make them lower their guard and actually talk to me, then it's a small sacrifice on my part.
"So, first of all—who are you?" Chief Uzen asked. From my upside-down perspective, her face was inverted, her expression calm.
"I'm Kamen Rider OOO. Didn't I already tell you that?" I replied evenly, without a hint of irritation.
She sighed.
"We already know that. What I'm asking for is your real name." She narrowed her eyes at me. "I want to know everything about you."
"That's quite sudden. I'm still single and open, sure, but that doesn't mean I wanna be with—" I said shyly, only to cough awkwardly when I noticed her utterly unamused stare. "Ahem. Sorry about that."
I straightened—or as much as one can while hanging upside down—and continued.
"Sorry, lady, but I currently don't have a name of my own. I'm just a Kamen Rider and nothing else," I said, "I left that behind the day I put on the mask."
Judging by her expression, I knew she could see right through my bullshit. But somehow, she let it slide. She might have understood that I wouldn't say anything more unless she forced it out of me.
"Next question—are you a Peach user?"
"Nope."
"Are you male or female?"
"I'm above that."
"..."
Okay. Now she's just staring at me weirdly.
"Alright, I'm kidding. I'm a guy. Can't you tell from my voice?"
"Just making sure," Chief Uzen replied evenly. "There are plenty of skilled ones out there who can imitate another gender's voice. Some even have a Peach that alters their physical appearance." She tapped a finger against my helmet. "That thing might even have a voice changer."
"I wish," I chuckled. "If I had one, I'd have switched my voice to a Vocaloid by now."
She gave me a long look, clearly unsure whether I was serious or not.
But now that she mentioned it… a built-in voice changer in my suit would actually be pretty cool.
"Also, how does this suit even work?" the blonde girl asked, poking at my back. "I was skeptical at first, but I'm starting to believe my theory that you're an engineer from an alternate version of Earth who builds technology unheard of here. That's why you're strong without a Peach and a male on top of that."
"Shushu, I think you've been playing too many games," the black-haired girl sighed, glancing at the blonde named Shushu. "That's way too far-fetched."
"But what if it's actually true, Himari?" Shushu grinned, nodding to herself. "Then you'll refer to me as the Great Prophet!"
"….."
I decided to ignore that.
Okay, she's kind of close except for the engineer and technology part. My power doesn't belong to this world. From their perspective and even mine, it might as well be something completely alien.
Thankfully, they don't seem eager to explore that possibility too deeply.
"We're getting distracted, girls," Chief Uzen said firmly, cutting through the chatter.
"We apologize, Chief," Himari and Shushu replied in unison.
With that, their chief turned her attention back to me. The questions became more ordinary—where I lived, what I did outside this place, how old I was, and so on. Of course, I offered nothing substantial, aside from the fact that I lived on a lovely little planet called Earth.
Himari looked like she was seconds away from shooting me in the head with the amount of questionable answers I gave. Shushu had to wrap her in a tight hug, like an owner restraining an enraged Doberman from lunging at someone.
This squad is surprisingly entertaining to talk to. Their reactions are priceless.
But then the mood shifted.
"Answer me truthfully," Chief Uzen said, crossing her arms and locking eyes with me. Even upside down, I could feel the weight of her stare. "Are you the one killing the Shuukis outside our sight?"
"….Pass. Next question, please."
"So it really was you." She massaged her forehead while closing her eyes. "Tenka might have been right after all."
I really suck at lying when it actually matters.
And honestly, why would I even lie about that? They already know I can enter Mato whenever I want.
There's no way they wouldn't connect the dots after the noise I made last time at the Reverse Ogre Gate.
Chief Uzen shifted gears and continued.
"Shushu already asked this, but how exactly does your suit work?" she hummed thoughtfully, her eyes lingering on the emblem of my Tatoba form. "Is your power related to the animals displayed on your chest?"
"Yes," I answered honestly.
"We already have a hypothesis," she continued, "but does your suit correspond to different animals depending on the color?"
"Right again."
"And does each color set have animals assigned to specific parts of your body?"
"Bullseye."
"If that's the case, how many are there in each color?"
"I don't know."
All three of them tilted their heads at the same time.
"What do you mean you don't know?" Himari narrowed her eyes at me. "I swear, if you give another vague answer—"
"Oi, oi, calm down. I'm being honest," I said quickly. "I don't know how many animals there are in each color. All I know is that I can currently use three from each color set."
"So you can use fifteen right now?" Chief Uzen asked without missing a beat.
"…How did you figure that out?"
"Anyone with a brain can manage simple math after seeing that five colored circular thingy appear when you change forms."
Well.
Maybe the Defense Force really is competent after all.
Or maybe I'm just a dumb guy who can't see the obvious.
Honestly, it might be both.
"Where did you even get this suit?" Shushu asked, eyes sparkling with curiosity. "Maybe I can get one for myself too!"
"Sorry, my fair lady, but this is a one-time limited item given exclusively to me," I replied smoothly. "It was gifted by an old man from London named John Kaleidoscope."
"What kind of name is that?" Himari frowned.
"I don't even know," I shot back with a shrug. "You'll have to ask the old man yourself."
"Let's just ignore that for now," Chief Uzen said, gently tapping Himari on the shoulder. Even though she was curious about who made my suit and who John Kaleidoscope was or whether he had even existed in the first place she chose not to press the matter.
Taking a slow breath, she placed her hands on her childbearing hips.
"Kamen Rider," she said, her voice dropping into its most serious register, "I only have one personal question."
"Why are you doing all of this?"
"…."
My motive, huh?
Now that's a question I can actually answer.
"Well," I began.
With a sharp tug of my arms, I snapped the rope that held me. It tore apart with a dry crack. I landed lightly on both feet, straightened up, and faced her.
Himari and Shushu tensed instantly but Chief Uzen raised a hand, stopping them. She glanced at them briefly, silently ordering them to stand down and let me speak.
"You know, Chief… when I was a kid, I was overly ambitious. Full of hope."
"Full of dreams."
"I believed there was some grand path waiting ahead of me."
Looking back, I was painfully ignorant about life. Things are never handed to you the way you imagine.
Hard work doesn't guarantee a reward. You can spend months grinding yourself down only to get slapped across the face by reality. I've lost more times than I can count. I've been mocked for being idealistic.
"As you all know, guys don't get any perks from Peaches," I said plainly. "So we just move forward without relying on them."
"I used to complain every single day. Why does Mato even exist? Why does danger lurk everywhere? Why do I have to rely on others to save my pitiful life?"
My fingers tightened slightly at my side.
"I'd rather they save someone else. I'm just a polluted air in comparison."
I let out a quiet breath.
"That's why, when I was given the chance to wear the mask, I was happy. Truly happy. For the first time, I felt motivated to become the person I never even realized I could be."
What else was I supposed to do?
Sit at my desk job, typing mindlessly. Get scolded for the smallest mistakes. Live a dull, gray routine while watching others chase something greater.
I was bitter.
I felt like crap.
Every day felt empty—just an endless loop of monotony.
Like Isadora said when we first met… I looked like someone who wasn't destined for anything great.
So when I was chosen, I wondered—
Is being just some guy who hates seeing people suffer enough to qualify as a Kamen Rider?
Maybe I'm fine dealing with my own problems.
But when I see others struggling…
My body just moves on its own.
I can't stand still.
I have to do something.
"To formally answer your question…"
I turned away from them, my back facing the unit as I looked up at the sky above.
"I just want to protect people," I said with conviction. "To protect the smiles of children. To make sure they don't lose hope the way I once did. And to defeat every Shuuki in existence."
My fingers curled into a fist.
"Even if my body starts to give out on me, I'll make sure everyone is safe before that happens."
I glanced back over my shoulder and pointed at them.
"That includes all of you! So you better remember that!"
The laugh echoed dramatically before I cut myself off, clearing my throat. I thumped my chest with my fist and stood upright, posture firm and proud.
"Even if there is no God or Buddha in this world…"
I lowered my hand, voice steady.
"…there will always be a Kamen Rider to save the day."