"And you're ruining your future over this? You wanted to keep studying, to grow…"
Her voice is a mix of worry and disappointment, like someone watching you sink deeper into your own maze with no way out. Vera doesn't understand. She can't see what is tearing me apart inside. I close my eyes, trying to hide the pain, but it leaks through every glance, every word.
"No… I can't do this. We can't even be near each other, not even in the same city — it's too dangerous… Especially if he finds out…"
I try to say it calmly, but inside I am exploding. Those words feel like nooses tightening around my neck, each one a last breath before inevitable darkness.
Vera just doesn't get it. She doesn't see what lies beneath those words. The air around me thickens, grows heavy, as if we are speaking of something unspeakable. I cover my mouth with my hands, trying to hold back the words clawing to get out — wild birds ready to tear everything apart.
Almost slipped.
"Come on, say it. What is it that he can't find out?"
There is no anger in Vera's voice, only tension — like a taut string ready to snap. I see her face twist with anxiety, but it feels distant, like I am somewhere else, and she can't reach me.
I bite my lip until it bleeds. Everything inside me is torn — mind, heart, fear, love. Fear burns me from the inside, like a cold hand squeezing my chest. The words are sharp needles, and I am terrified that once spoken, they will not only destroy me but erase everything else.
It feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from — no escape. My fingers tremble. This isn't just fear — it is terror. A thick fog wraps me, suffocating me. I can't think of consequences, can't afford weakness, but I am breaking apart.
"Katrin…" Vera whispers, as if those words might shatter me. "We won't tell him. And if Viktor slips up, he better be ready to live on the streets. Alone."
I laugh. But it is hollow, empty — no humor, only bitterness burning inside. The absurdity hits harder since this is Viktor's apartment. The laugh is distant, like I am not really serious, though every word is soaked in a grim truth I refuse to accept. No joy in this mess — just cold irony piercing my soul, leaving emptiness.
"I'm pregnant…"
The words hang in the air. Silence freezes everything. Time stops. The whole universe waits. Silence falls like a concrete slab. Even the air thickens, frozen in expectation, as if fate itself pauses.
"And he doesn't know? The baby's his, right?" Vera asks cautiously, almost afraid to hear.
"Vi! How can you say that?" I snap, throwing my head back in fury. My eyes flare like candle flames caught in a draft. Everything inside boils, and I can't hide it. "Of course it's Maxim's… I could never betray him…"
I fight back tears. Each word cuts deep — a knife twisting inside. The moment I say it, I know this lie will chain me forever.
"Why hide it? Why not tell him?"
"This news… it could destroy his future. Everything he's worked so hard for. All those sleepless nights, the studying, the struggle…"
My voice drops to a whisper, barely there, but every sound echoes in my chest like a crushing weight.
"How can a child destroy a dream? Explain that to me."
"He wants to study. Graduate. Move forward. If he finds out, he'll give it all up. He's not like the others…"
The words tumble out, faster than I can stop. He is the best — the real deal. But if he knows, he'll quit. Throw everything away for me. I can't let that happen.
"He's the best. He'd give everything. For me. For the baby. For our future. But the price… it would be too high."
I can't meet Vera's eyes. She still doesn't understand why I choose this path — why I am destroying everything to save his dream.
"He'll drop out. Won't find a job… His dream will vanish like smoke. And I can't be the reason he falls. I already broke his heart…"
"So? Can't he do both?" Vi's voice is blunt, a little annoyed, like he thinks I am overdramatizing.
"He needs to study, finish school, then have kids."
"Vi, don't you get it?" I snap, voice trembling with held-back emotions. "He's the best. If he finds out, he'll give everything. For us. Without hesitation. For me. For the baby. And he won't manage it all — studies, work, sleepless nights, exhaustion — it will crush him. In the end, only one thing will remain…" I swallow hard, then whisper, "He'll quit studying. It will destroy his dreams, Vi. He wants to get here, to graduate, to build a future. If I tell him now, it all falls apart. I know him… he'll choose us. Always chooses others over himself."
Vi is silent. His face softens, like he sees the picture through my eyes. He sighs, shrugs.
"You guys have it complicated," he mutters, looking away. "Alright. It's your call. I won't say a word."
He pulls me close. His embrace is warm and steady — a rare island of calm in my broken world. In that quiet moment, there is more understanding than in all the words.
"Thank you… both of you…" My voice breaks. I let myself relax a little in his arms.
"So, you need money?" Vera finally speaks, cautious but no longer cold.
"Yes…" I look down. "Giving birth isn't cheap. I want the baby to have the best… at least a little normal life. Grandma can't support us financially, and I can't ask her."
"Abortion's not an option?" Vera whispers, afraid of her own words.
Silence falls again — like snow, swallowing everything.
"Vera, are you crazy?!" Vi explodes. "How can you even say that? She might never get pregnant again!"
I close my eyes, speak slowly, fighting the tears burning inside.
"I thought about it… I did. It seemed like the easy way out. But I can't." I put my hand on my still-flat belly, hiding the secret. "You understand, it's Max's. I can't destroy what's his."
Tears stream down. Like waves crashing, unstoppable.
"Forgive me…" Vera hugs me. Her hands shake. I feel her tears fall on my shoulder.
"It's part of him. It will stay with me forever, even if he's not around. I don't want to ruin the baby's life — especially after all the pain I caused him. Let the baby be without a father. Without the future I dreamed of. The main thing is that it exists."
"Our little one…" Vera whispers. "Don't cry. We're with you. We'll help however we can. Maybe… maybe one day you'll tell Maxim. Maybe then, everything will change."
"No…" I shake my head. "I can't even look at him now. He won't find out. He has to live his life. He'll find a good girl — someone like him — and they'll have kids. He's handsome; after me, girls will flock to him."
And when I say "my," I break. Just fall apart. I sob like my soul shatters into a hundred pieces. He's not mine anymore… and never will be.
We talk some more. About what — I don't remember. Everything blurs. Then I go back to the apartment, where my almost ex-boyfriend waits.
Tonight is our last night.