I stared into the endless ocean, the piercing sound of dread drowned out by the crashing waves.
Some stray droplets ended up on my clothes, leaving small, darker dots on their way.
The blood that trailed off into the ocean had been cleaned up by the waves.
Forgotten by the sea but not by me.
The moon felt larger than usual, its light more abrassive, as if it were laughing at me, they were all laughing at me, the moon, the stars, the planets beyond.
A cruel joke from the universe.
The world could end now.
And I wouldn't care.
What held me, what anchored me, was gone.
There was nothing left for me.
Nothing to gain and nothing to lose anymore.
The memories of my last 24 hours flashed in my eyes, my mother's laugh, my siblings' fights, my dad's condition.
At least that's a burden gone, isn't it?
No more having to track medicine, or look for doctors.
No more having someone that's constantly looking out for me.
I sat down on the fine sand beneath me, curling up, wrapping my arms around my knees.
"When I was little, no more than 7 years old, I had a pet raccoon. His name was Sal, but my mother always said it as Psalm, and my dad wouldn't even try, he'd call it "You... thing!"... We'd take him for walks every other day, and when he got tired, I'd carry him in my arms. He wouldn't let anyone else carry him, just me. I'd even give him some of my food when my parents weren't looking. I remember him loving carrots and cabbage. So I started getting my own carrots via the trade system we used back then. Oh, what I wouldn't trade for some carrots for my little Sal back then. Anything we didn't use, I'd trade it. One day I gave the produce merchant some old boots, they had holes in them, the soles were coming off. He gave me two carrots for them. When I came back home my dad was hysterical. He was screaming around the house, asking if anyone had seen his boots. I panicked. I had just traded in some boots, and without knowing, they were my fathers! I cried myself to sleep that night, even when I hadn't been caught or anything, I just felt so guilty. Especially for mom, she had to deal with dad's angry ramblings the whole day..."
I stood up, taking a breath to continue my monologue into the ocean.
"That same night I woke up, everything felt blurry, and I was really thirsty. But most importantly, Sal was gone. I slept with him wrapped around my arms like we always did, but this time he was gone. I saw myself forced to actually wake up, and I franctically looked around my whole room. Under the bed, in his crate, in my drawers. Any surface large enough to fit a raccoon. I even started looking around the house as I noticed my door was a little open. Maybe he had learnt how to open doors..."
I took a gulp before continuing.
"I noticed the living room window was open. Sal must have escaped. I hesitated, my parents didn't allow me to be outside on my own so late. But this was for Sal. So I climbed out the window and ran. Full of hope that I would fine my dear Sal. After running around the neighborhood we used to live in for what felt like hours. I sat down on the sidewalk. And I began to cry. Sal had escaped, and there were no signs of him coming back. The streets were empty from how late it was, I was the only person around. Defeated I laid down, looking at the stars, before I could notice, I was asleep! I woke up with a concerned policeman flashing down my retina, checking if I was well. He interrogated him, and I explained my situation. He took me back to my home, my mom's eyes were swollen, and red, while my dad's face was the most concerned I'd ever seen it. When I saw them I began to cry. I felt so guilty for leaving without an explanation. I told them how Sal had escaped and how I just had to look for him."
The waves remained unmoving and unbothered by my voice, the moon kept still and the faint shadows of clouds had slightly shifted in the distance.
Something inside me felt lighter, like all my emotions had been poured out with my voice.
"The desert of Undeb Dehulm is known for being the largest desert in the continent. Its not the most dangerous, however. That spot goes to the Xerkh'arrai'n in western Geortaria. But we are the second most dangerous. Most animals around here are kept as pets, since most wildlife is unable to sustain itself around here. Our meat, dairy products and all animal origin derivatives have to be imported, because they just can't be produced in the desert. One of our neighbors, well, technically our neighbor, as they lived the furthest from the neighborhood's center, practically the outskirts of the city, just a few meters away from the actual, uncivilized desert. They reported a foul odor coming from their house. Noting they did could remove that odor, and it only kept getting worse, they even had to seal off the room where it was the most potent cause it just was impossible to stay there. A team of cops were sent to investigate the area, if the odor was coming from a corpse, it could mean there was a murderer on the lose! The police dogs examined the whole sealed room, finding a specific spot where the odor seemed to be coming from. Their floor was made out of wood so with a couple swing from an axe, it came undone. And they had found Sal."
A click was heard beside me as I moved my hand.
"His decomposing corpse. He had hidden below the floor planks, probably during one of the cold desert nights. But, he got stuck. With no way out, no water, and no food..."
Tears began running down my eyes, condensing at my cheekbones and dripping down my chin.
"We live in a cruel world, don't we? Had I closed that window, instead of crying in my room, instead of being a vulnerable child. Sal would've died a more honorable death. Had I been awake at night, I'd have had the chance of seeing whatever had taken my family away."
I swiftly undocked my desert eagle from my thigh and pointed in at my head.
"Had I not been a coward. The friends I made in the millitary would still respect me."
I pointed the pistol at the roof of my mouth.
"Had I not been Undebian. I'd be stable."
.
For a moment...
.
Everything went black...
.
I didn't hear anything...
.
Nor did I feel it...
.
Just pitch black...
.
.
.
Was this it..?
.
.
.
"No."
.
Huh?
.
"Somewhere."
.
Who's that!?
.
"They're out there."
.
Who? Who is out there?
.
"Live."
.
"Live."
.
"Live."
.
"Live."
"Live."
"Live."
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