Welcome everyone to yet another chapter of Glitches saga.
Hope you guys will enjoy it
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The Regional Manager's quarters were, to put it mildly, excessive.
While the other initiates were being herded into communal bunkhouses that smelled of damp straw and unwashed ambition, Han was escorted to the Jade Pavilion of Eternal Serenity.
It was a palace carved into the side of a cliff, featuring floors of polished moonstone and a bathtub large enough to swim in.
Elder Caterpillar Brows ...whose actual name was Elder Wu had personally bowed Han into the room, promising that the finest spiritual teas and silken robes were being prepared.
As soon as the heavy sandalwood doors clicked shut, Han's legs gave out.
He collapsed onto a bed that felt like it was stuffed with the dreams of angels.
"System," Han groaned, staring at the ceiling where a mural of a phoenix seemed to be mocking him.
"We are in over our heads.
Regional Manager? A Safety Audit?
They're going to find out I'm a mortal the second someone asks me to circulate my Qi."
Ding!
[NOTIFICATION: Welcome to your Executive Suite!]
[System Note: Your Business Trip is off to a stellar start.
The Local Natives are highly impressed by your Aggressive Management Style.]
"I punched a rock, System.
I didn't manage anything."
[Correction: You performed a Hardware Reset on an Outdated Kiosk.
That is the definition of IT Management.]
Han sighed, rolling onto his side.
"Fine. But how do I survive tomorrow?
Elder Wu said I have to attend the Morning Harmonization to demonstrate my Heaven-Piercing technique to the inner disciples.
I don't have a technique.
I don't even know how to sit cross-legged without my foot falling asleep."
[New Quest: The Morning Scum—er, Scrum!]
[Objective: Attend the Harmonization Seminar.]
[Goal: Demonstrate Peak Productivity to the Lower-Level Staff.]
[Reward: 1x Company ID Badge & Basic Medical Coverage.]
"What is medical coverage going to do if I'm decapitated?" Han muttered.
He closed his eyes, hoping for a dreamless sleep, but the System wasn't done with him.
[PROMPT: Would you like to study the Local Employee Handbook (Cultivation Manual)?]
Han sat up. "You can read the manuals? Elder Wu left a scroll on the table.
He said it was the Azure Cloud Heart Sutra. Can you translate it?"
Han picked up the scroll.
To his eyes, it was filled with beautiful, flowing calligraphy and diagrams of the human body with glowing red lines representing meridians.
It looked mystical, ancient, and utterly incomprehensible.
[Scanning Document... Error 404: Logic Not Found.]
[Attempting Translation via 'Marketing_Bot_V4.2'...]
[Translation Complete!]
The blue screen flickered, and the ancient text began to shift.
The flowing ink transformed into a sterile, sans-serif font.
The diagrams of meridians were replaced by Organizational Flowcharts.
[Azure Cloud Heart Sutra: THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE IMMORTALS]
[Step 1: Synergize your Breathing.]
[Step 2: Optimize the Blood-Flow Revenue Stream.]
[Step 3: Close the Dantian-Quarter with high profits.]
Han stared at the screen.
"You've turned a path to godhood into a self-help book for middle managers."
[System Note: Success is universal, Citizen. To Cultivate is simply to Upscale your Biological Startup.]
Before Han could argue, a knock sounded at the door.
"Young Master Han? It is I, Disciple Ling. I have been sent to... provide assistance."
Han scrambled to look managerial.
He sat up straight, trying to look bored and powerful.
"Enter."
The door opened, and a young woman in light blue robes stepped in.
She was strikingly beautiful, with eyes like cold stars and a sword strapped to her waist. According to the rumors he'd overheard, Ling was the top-ranked outer disciple, a prodigy who was expected to reach the Foundation Establishment stage before her twentieth birthday.
[ANALYSIS: High-Priority Tech Support has arrived.]
[Target: Ling]
[Status: Currently Frustrated by Slow Download Speeds (Stalled Cultivation).]
Ling bowed, but her eyes weren't as submissive as the Elder's.
They were sharp, calculating.
She was looking for a crack in his armor.
"The Elder has tasked me with ensuring you have everything you need for tomorrow's demonstration," she said, her voice like ice. "He is quite taken with your... Audit.
However, some of us find your appearance... unusual."
"Unusual?" Han raised an eyebrow.
"Is it the blood? I find it adds a certain Aggressive Growth aesthetic to my brand."
Ling's lip curled slightly.
"It is your lack of a detectable Qi signature. You stand before me, yet it feels as if I am looking at a void.
A hollow space where a Master should be."
[ALERT: Ling is trying to Ping your Server]
[Suggested Action: Deploy Firewall]
"I operate on a frequency you wouldn't understand," Han said, leaning back and trying to sound mysterious.
"My Qi isn't detected.
It is encrypted.
If you could feel my power, your Hardware would likely melt."
Ling hesitated.
The encrypted line clearly confused her, which was exactly what Han wanted.
In this world, if you couldn't explain something, you called it Ancient or Forbidden.
"I see," Ling said, though she clearly didn't. "Then, perhaps you wouldn't mind helping me? I have been stuck at the Ninth Level of Qi Condensation for six months.
My Azure Cloud technique refuses to circulate through the Heavenly Pivot point."
She showed him her manual...the same one the System had just translated.
[QUEST DETECTED: IT Support Ticket #001]
[Objective: Fix Ling's Connectivity Issues.]
[Instruction: The Heavenly Pivot is simply a Broken Link in her Navigation Bar.
Tell her to Clear her Cache and Reboot.]
Han looked at Ling.
He knew that if he gave her bad advice and she died or blew up her Dantian, he'd be the next one on the chopping block.
But if he did nothing, she'd know he was a fake.
"Your problem is simple," Han said, using his most Executive voice.
"You are over-optimizing.
You're trying to force the data through a narrow pipe."
Ling blinked. "Data? Pipe?"
"Your Qi," Han corrected. "The Heavenly Pivot is clogged because you are holding onto old Cache.
You need to... let go of the previous Sessions.
Empty your mind of the technique entirely for three breaths, then Reboot the flow from the base of your spine with 100% Bandwidth."
Ling stared at him.
"Empty my mind? But the Sutra says to focus with the intensity of a storm!"
"The Sutra was written for Dial-up," Han said dismissively. "We are in the age of Fiber Optics now.
Try it.
Clear your cache.
Reboot."
Ling looked skeptical, almost insulted.
But the sheer confidence in Han's voice...bolstered by the System's glowing blue prompts compelled her.
She sat cross-legged on the moonstone floor, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
She released her grip on her Qi.
For a moment, she looked terrified, as if she were letting go of a rope while hanging over a cliff.
Then, her face went blank.
One breath.
Two breaths.
Three breaths.
Suddenly, Ling's body jerked.
A soft, blue glow erupted from her skin...real Qi, not the System's digital light.
The air in the room began to swirl, picking up the hem of Han's tattered robes.
CRACK
A sound like breaking glass echoed in the room.
Ling's eyes snapped open, glowing with a fierce, crystalline light.
"I... I broke through," she whispered, looking at her hands.
"The bottleneck... it's gone! The Qi is flowing at... at... High Bandwidth!"
[TICKET CLOSED: Issue Resolved.]
[User Satisfaction: 5 Stars.]
[Reward: 200 EXP & 1x Stress Ball.]
A small, squishy foam ball with a smiley face on it materialized in Han's hand under the covers.
He squeezed it desperately, his heart hammering against his ribs.
Ling looked up at Han, her skepticism replaced by a terrifying level of fanatical devotion.
She prostrated herself, her forehead hitting the floor.
"Forgive my insolence, Regional Manager! I did not recognize your wisdom!
To think... the secret to the Great Dao was Clearing the Cache!
I must inform the other disciples!"
"No!" Han shouted, then quickly lowered his voice.
"I mean... this is Proprietary Information.
If you share it without a License, there will be... legal repercussions."
Ling nodded fervently.
"I understand! A Secret Transmission! I will keep your Software safe, Master Han!"
She backed out of the room, bowing the entire way.
Han waited until the door closed, then collapsed back into his pillows, squeezing the stress ball so hard it nearly popped.
"System," Han whispered.
"Did I just... did I just Optimize a Cultivator?"
[Affirmative.
Ling has successfully upgraded to Version 2.0.]
[Alert: Morning is approaching.
The Regional Meeting begins in 4 hours.]
[Current Task: Prepare your PowerPoint Presentation.]
"I don't even have a computer!" Han wailed, but the System simply started playing a cheery, elevator-music version of a victory fanfare.
Han lay in the dark, clutching his stress ball and his purple yoga pants, realizing that he had just accidentally started a cult based on 21st-century office terminology.
And tomorrow, he had to speak to the whole Sect.
AN:-
That's the end of chapter 3.
I hope you guys enjoyed it.
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