Ernes groaned. "Ah—my head. What the hell was that?"
"You're awake now," said a gentle voice.
"Huh?" Ernes muttered, blinking. "Who said that?"
"Hello there, young mortal," said a girl in a white dress, long brown hair flowing down her back.
Ernes shot upright.
"WHAT IN THE LIVING TARNATION IS THIS—AND WHERE THE HELL AM I?" he shouted, spinning around.
There was nothing but clouds. Endless clouds.
"You are in Heaven, mortal," the girl said in a flat, monotone voice.
"…Yeah, no. You're insane," Ernes said, rubbing his temples. "Are you on drugs? No—am I on drugs? Yeah. That's it. I'm hallucinating."
"ENOUGH!" the girl snapped, her gentle tone evaporating. "Lets make this short and fast to not waste my time". I am the goddess Viola!"
"…Why am I in Heaven, lady?" Ernes asked slowly, shock creeping in.
"BECAUSE YOU FUCKING DIED, YOU PATHETIC MORTAL—BY LIGHTNING!"
"I'M DEAD?" Ernes screamed. "AND BY LIGHTNING? OUT OF ALL THINGS? IS MY LUCK REALLY THAT SHITTY?!"
He buried his face in his hands, overwhelmed.
"Well…" Viola said, scratching her cheek with an awkward smile. "You technically died because I was playing around with lightning in the mortal world."
Silence.
Pure, absolute silence.
"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU," Ernes roared, lunging at her—
—and was instantly frozen in place.
"Now, now," Viola said quickly. "I may have killed you by accident, but to make up for it, I'll grant you 5 wishes and let you reincarnate into any world you want. Sounds fair, right?" she added with a smirk.
"I decline," Ernes said flatly. "I don't want to get sent to another world by a big-breasted goddess with a single brain cell. Knowing my luck, you'd drop me into Attack on Titans Universe or something."
"WAIT—NO!" Viola cried, collapsing to the floor. "I swear I won't! Please accept the offer or I'll get fired from my position!"
Ernes raised an eyebrow.
"And here you were acting all powerful," he said with a smug grin.