No one died.
Which, considering Elira had briefly poisoned half the banquet, was honestly miraculous.
The Grand Hall looked like a battlefield of overturned platters and traumatized chefs. Servants rushed in every direction carrying replacement dishes, while the guests remained seated in stubborn hunger.
Four hours passed.
Four.
Nobles who normally complained if dessert was delayed by three minutes were now sitting stiffly, starving, and deeply offended.
A countess whispered, "I am going to eat my napkin."
A duke gnawed on a decorative bread display.
The Harem Alarm buzzed faintly in sympathy.
Aerin sat between Mira and Valessara, staring at the empty plates.
"I think I'm hallucinating roast chicken," he muttered.
Mira calmly sipped water. "You're not. It's just… not real."
Valessara was livid.
"This is humiliating," she snapped. "A royal wedding without food? Heads should roll."
Elira, sitting two seats down, blinked innocently.
"Yes," she said. "Terrible."
She smiled.
It was the happiest smile anyone had ever seen.
She was humming.
HUMMING.
Cassian stared at her. "Why are you glowing?"
"I am engaged," Elira replied proudly.
The noblewoman beside her scooted away.
"I will have a dress," Elira continued. "With blades."
"No blades," Mira said gently.
"Hidden blades," Elira amended.
Valessara leaned toward Cassian.
"Meet me later," she murmured.
Cassian stiffened. "This isn't the time."
"It's always the time," she replied.
Aerin, still not aware of anything, waved at a passing servant.
"Excuse me, I think my kingdom is eating itself."
When the new meal finally arrived, people cheered.
Actual applause broke out when the soup was served.
Someone cried.
The first bite of bread caused a minor spiritual awakening.
Elira ate like someone who had just narrowly avoided mass murder charges.
"I am so happy," she said between mouthfuls. "Everything is perfect."
Aerin stared at her. "You almost poisoned everyone."
"Yes," Elira replied. "But I did not."
"Low bar."
"Still success."
Later, as guests finally recovered, something far more shocking occurred.
Valessara slipped away.
Cassian followed.
Mira noticed first.
Her calm gaze flicked from one to the other.
She said nothing.
Aerin was too busy apologizing to a duchess for the soup delay.
"I'm sure this is symbolic of something," he said helplessly.
Mira leaned over. "They're gone."
"Who?"
"Valessara and Cassian."
Aerin blinked. "Together?"
"Yes."
Aerin slowly turned to stare at the doors.
"Oh."
Mira nodded. "Yes."
They exchanged a long look.
"That explains… a lot," Aerin murmured.
They found them in the west wing.
Cassian was standing awkwardly.
Valessara was smiling.
"You were going to tell him?" Cassian asked.
"Eventually," Valessara replied. "This is more fun."
Aerin stared at them.
"You two—"
"Yes," Valessara said. "I like handsome things."
Cassian muttered, "I regret everything."
Mira folded her arms. "So your outrage over the wedding was… what?"
Valessara shrugged. "I wanted the crown. Not the man."
Aerin rubbed his face. "I'm surrounded by lunatics."
Elira popped up behind them. "I am the best lunatic."
Valessara laughed. "Oh, I like her."
Elira growled.
By morning, the news had spread.
THE KING NOW HAS THREE WIVES.
ONE OF THEM IS AN ASSASSIN.
ONE OF THEM IS CALM.
ONE OF THEM IS DATING HIS BEST WARRIOR.
The Kingdom of Geb responded immediately.
Their envoy arrived with a single message:
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"
Aerin stared at the letter. "That feels fair."
Elira spent the entire day planning her wedding.
She was unstoppable.
"I want flowers," she said. "But also weapons."
"No weapons," Mira said.
"Fine. Flower-shaped weapons."
"Still no."
Elira sighed. "You are ruining everything."
But she was smiling so much it hurt to look at her.
She skipped.
Elira did not skip.
The palace staff stared in fear and awe.
Aerin leaned against a pillar.
"My life is out of control."
Mira smiled softly. "But you're still standing."
The Harem Alarm chimed.
And somewhere, Valessara plotted something wicked while Cassian wondered how he'd become the most scandalous man in three kingdoms.
The day of the wedding arrived. The cathedral filled with guests. Aerin waits at the alter with the priest for Mira.
" Are you sure about this" whispered the priest.
" Yes , she's got a bit of a temper but she's got a good heart" Aerin declears.
"A bit of a temper, Aerin? She's a complete...."
The organ began.
And not just any organ.
It was Toccata and Fugue in D minor — the kind of music normally reserved for haunted castles, vampire entrances, or the end of the world.
The guests froze.
The priest swallowed.
Cassian whispered, "Oh no."
Aerin felt his soul leave his body.
The cathedral doors slammed open.
Everyone turned.
Elira stood in the doorway wearing a long black wedding dress, elegant and dramatic, with lace sleeves, a flowing veil… and a large knife clutched in both hands like it was her bouquet.
She took one step forward.
Then another.
The music thundered.
She scanned the crowd.
Left.
Right.
Balcony.
Ceiling.
"Where are the threats," she muttered.
Mira, standing beside Aerin, smiled politely at the horrified guests.
"She's just… thorough."
The priest leaned toward Aerin and whispered, "Is she… supposed to be armed?"
"Yes," Aerin replied weakly. "It's cultural."
"What culture?"
"…Her."
Elira reached the altar.
The music cut off.
The silence was louder than the organ had been.
She stared at Aerin.
"You are alive," she said with fierce relief.
"Yes," Aerin nodded.
She turned and glared at the entire cathedral.
"No one has harmed him."
Several nobles nodded immediately, terrified.
"Good," she said.
The priest cleared his throat. "W-welcome, Elira."
She stared at him.
"Are you dangerous?"
"No."
"Good."
The priest began the ceremony with shaking hands.
"D-do you, Elira, take Aerin—"
A door creaked.
Elira's head snapped toward it.
The knife came up.
"NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS."
Everyone froze.
A cat wandered through the aisle.
Elira slowly lowered the blade.
"…False alarm."
The priest wiped sweat from his brow.
The ceremony continued.
"Do you vow to love, honor, and protect—"
"I vow to protect him," Elira said immediately. "From enemies. From sadness. From inconvenient furniture."
Aerin smiled. "That's… very sweet."
"And do you vow to remain faithful—"
"Yes."
"And to keep him safe—"
"Yes."
"And not to murder guests—"
Elira hesitated.
Aerin squeezed her hand.
"Try," he whispered.
"…I will try," Elira said.
The Harem Alarm chimed approvingly.
The rings were brought.
Elira stared at hers suspiciously.
"Is it poisoned?"
"No."
She put it on anyway.
"I accept."
They were pronounced married.
The cathedral exhaled.
And then came the photos.
A noble photographer stepped forward.
"Now, if the bride would like to throw the bouquet—"
Elira lifted her knife.
Mira's eyes widened.
"Elira—"
Elira hurled it backward over her shoulder.
The guests screamed and dove for cover.
The knife hit a pillar with a loud THUNK and stuck there, quivering.
Silence.
Elira blinked.
"Oh."
She clapped her hands.
"I am married!"
She turned hyper-loving instantly.
She hugged Aerin so hard he squeaked.
"I AM SAFE NOW."
She hugged Mira.
"You are very important."
She hugged Cassian.
"You are tolerable."
Cassian wheezed.
"I… I think she broke my ribs."
Elira beamed and turned to the crowd.
"I have changed."
A noble muttered, "Barbaric."
Elira froze.
Slowly, she walked to the pillar.
Pulled the knife out.
Everyone screamed.
The noble ran.
Elira chased him.
"I AM BETTER BUT I STILL HAVE FEELINGS."
Mira shouted, "Elira, remember your vows!"
Aerin cried, "We JUST paid for this!"
The priest yelled, "BY EVERY GOD—"
Elira stopped.
Breathing hard.
She closed her eyes.
"I am being good," she said through gritted teeth.
She returned to Aerin, smiling too wide.
"I did not stab."
Aerin patted her hand. "I'm proud of you."
She leaned in.
"I still want to."
"I know."
They kissed.
The Harem Alarm chimed wildly.
And somehow… it was the happiest disaster Aqura had ever seen.