"Of course," Garfield said casually, "He went into hiding and lived a beautiful harem life."
Kurama blinked.
Garfield continued without shame.
"After your papa's lover died, he missed her terribly. After sealing his mother, Ōtsutsuki Kaguya and finishing all that world-saving nonsense, he scattered his chakra across the world."
"Why?" Kurama asked warily.
"To find her reincarnation." Garfield replied as if this were obvious.
"After countless failures, endless wandering, and an unhealthy obsession, he finally succeeded."
Garfield smiled. "He found her and followed her. Then lived a happy, shameless life among humans."
Kurama listened in silence.
"As time passed, the girl grew old and died." Garfield continued.
"So your father scattered himself again. Found her again. Reunited. Lived happily again."
He shrugged. "Many years passed like that."
Kurama squatted down, tail curling thoughtfully. "…That actually makes sense."
Garfield nodded approvingly.
"No wonder." Kurama said slowly, "I tracked Papa's chakra so many times in human cities… and never found him."
Garfield floated over and gently patted the Nine-Tails' nose.
"You know." He said kindly, "Fathers don't like their sons disturbing their two-person world."
Kurama nodded solemnly.
Senju Hashirama raised a hand.
"Um," He said politely, "What does this have to do with those two idiots?"
"Yes. Explain." Kurama also turned his gaze toward Garfield.
Garfield pointed at the unconscious Kinkaku and Ginkaku.
"Simple, your father accidentally had children with one of those reincarnations."
Kurama's ears twitched.
"Otherwise," Garfield continued calmly, "How do you explain that they look so much like your father?"
"And." He added, gesturing at the treasures scattered on the ground, "How do you explain them carrying your father's personal equipment?"
He snorted. "With their intelligence and personalities, without your father's help, they'd be begging on the streets."
Kurama studied the brothers carefully. "…That explanation is reasonable."
Hashirama crouched and examined the golden rope, the gourd, the fan, the sword, the amber bottle.
"These are very powerful," He murmured. "They don't feel like normal ninja tools."
Kurama moved closer to Hashirama, sniffed carefully… that scent.
Straight from the soul.
"…Asura," Kurama muttered.
Garfield leaned closer and whispered, "You smell it too?"
Kurama nodded. "I do."
"Do you know who else is here?" Garfield asked softly.
"…Asura."
Garfield smiled.
"And Indra is nearby as well."
Kurama grinned wickedly.
"No wonder Papa is hiding in a corner, worried to death."
Kurama looked back at Garfield.
"So," He said slowly, "What exactly are you Devourer?"
Garfield's expression finally turned serious.
"You must understand," He said, "The Ōtsutsuki clan is a race that travels between planets, devouring their origins."
He sighed. "…And honestly, this mess is partially my fault."
Kurama nodded reflexively. "…Yeah."
Garfield rubbed his temples.
"I am the God of Devouring Beasts. I control time and space. I devour, digest, and erase."
"And back then… I was young." He hesitated.
"Young?" Kurama narrowed his eyes.
"Young men make mistakes," Garfield said solemnly.
"Especially when love is involved."
He spread his paws dramatically.
"Sometimes, in a moment of passion, one breaks through clan boundaries and falls in love with an interstellar lifeform."
Kurama stared. "…Go on."
"If proper precautions are not taken," Garfield continued, "A new offspring may be born."
He smiled faintly. "This normally never happens."
"But when it does." His eyes gleamed.
"A completely new species is born."
"This new species," Garfield continued solemnly, "Would inherit the special abilities of both parents."
He raised a paw. "Devouring. Time. Space."
Garfield kept talking, spinning his absurd cosmic legend with complete confidence.
Kurama and Hashirama listened intently, utterly absorbed.
Neither of them noticed… that a pale, humanoid silhouette was quietly forming nearby, its outline flickering as vast primordial power condensed.
They didn't feel it.
Deep within Garfield's soul, the unpaid tenant finally surfaced.
Warning.
Excessive bullshit detected.
There is a limit, Pandora said flatly. If you keep this up, the rabbit spirit will come knocking. And he will beat you.
Garfield scoffed internally. That old rabbit?
If he shows up, he can help me stretch my legs.
We are Great Devourers, Garfield added smugly. Even gods tremble when we open our mouths.
Pandora rolled her eyes. I've warned you. If you get beaten later, don't cry to me.
Beaten? Garfield replied lazily.
Worst case, we run. Or we open a space-time tunnel and go back to Kamar-Taj.
That rabbit spirit couldn't beat the Supreme Sorcerer, who's stronger than him.
Pandora fell silent, she hated that part.
She had personally walked through Olympus, the Silver City of Angels, and the Egyptian Pyramids with the Book of Vishanti in one hand and the Time Stone in the other.
Everyone knew how that ended.
The so-called gods had collectively announced their withdrawal from Earth. One third-rate god from a certain island nation refused to accept it.
He was beaten to death.
Fine, Pandora sighed.
You're amazing. Just remember, Hashirama may be simple, but the Nine-Tails is not stupid.
Garfield snorted. A fox with the intelligence of an Erha?
That's still not stupid. You're underestimating Erha. Pandora pinched the bridge of her nose.
You have many excuses for being a shameless lecherous cat, she said.
But the fact that you are a shameless lecherous cat is indisputable.
The rabbits won't let that go.
Garfield paused.
…Wait.
Was Pandora implying… Kaguya?
Please. I'm a Devouring Beast. I wouldn't touch that lunatic.
Pandora tried to refute him.
Failed.
Unfortunately, the most dangerous creatures in existence were often also the ones most skilled at killing themselves.
After their internal argument ended, Kurama and Hashirama finally snapped out of Garfield's rambling tale.
Kurama squinted suspiciously at the orange cat standing on his nose.
"…After everything you said," He said slowly,
"There's some truth to it."
He leaned closer. "Could it be… that you are the ancestor of the Ōtsutsuki clan?"
Garfield immediately spread his paws. "I never said that."
"I just told a story… Stories shouldn't be taken seriously."
Kurama didn't answer. Instead, a knowing expression spread across his face.
His massive eyes shifted from Garfield… to Senju Hashirama…
A wicked grin crept onto the Nine-Tails' face.
Garfield felt it, oh no.
Just as Kurama was about to open his mouth… An unexpected figure suddenly appeared.
Right on the Nine-Tails' nose.
꧁𓊈𒆜༺⚜༻𒆜𓊉꧂
Phantom your way through a treasure trove of chapters waiting on P@treon!
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