Juile flipped through the crackling manual, eyes sharp.
"Okay," she said, tapping the page. "First up: Axemen Begone. Five thousand points for wiping out every single crazy lumberjack on a level."
Zeke leaned over her shoulder. "Every one?"
"Every. Single. One."
The First Toy hovered nearby, arms folded, grinning in that way that suggested this would be funny for him regardless of outcome.
"You may rerun any previously cleared level," he said. "Perfect runs encourage… creativity."
The world shimmered, and the doorway appeared. Zeke and Juile walked through.
They appeared at the southern edge of the map, boots on dirt, hedges rising ahead in crooked green walls. The hedgemaze stretched north and east, paths twisting back on themselves like the thoughts of someone who owned too many axes.
Somewhere they could her the chainsaw whurrs of lumberjacks.
Victims screamed.
Juile cracked her knuckles. "Same rules. Victims first. Then extermination."
They headed north, firing a few water pistol shots ahead of themselves. A Crazy Lumberjack burst from a hedge gap, axe raised. He went down in a splash, dissolving into ectoplasmic regret.
They turned east, scooped up a Cheerleader standing far too calmly near a hedge corner, then doubled south as two lumberjacks charged from opposite paths.
Juile tossed the first Clown Decoy Grenade.
It landed, honked, and unfolded into a grinning nightmare of balloons and fake shoes.
Every lumberjack within earshot pivoted instantly.
"HEY—CLOWN!"
Axes buried themselves in rubber and confetti while Zeke and Juile slipped north through the cleared path, saving a Baby wedged behind a hedge just as a third lumberjack arrived too late.
The mayhem was heating up.
They moved west, then north, then east again, rescuing a Teacher trapped at a dead end. Tentative footsteps turned into frantic running as chainsaws roared nearby.
Juile lobbed another decoy south, pulling three lumberjacks off their trail.
"Okay," Zeke said. "We're set up."
They regrouped at a crossroads near the center of the maze.
Juile pulled out the Monster Potion.
Zeke uncorked the Ghost Potion.
They clinked flasks.
"Perfect run," Juile said.
They drank.
"Cheerz!"
Zeke vanished in a wash of blue fire, becoming a spectral blur, drifting upward and phasing straight through hedges. Juile grew—expanded—muscle and rage pouring into a hulking purple monster that immediately punched a hedge out of existence.
They split.
Zeke went northwest, gliding through walls, instantly destroying lumberjacks as he passed. Axes swung uselessly through his ghostly form. He veered north, then east, rescuing a Swimming Pool Guy mid-splash without even slowing.
Juile charged east, smashing hedges flat, baiting entire packs of lumberjacks into following her down widened corridors. She turned south, then west, slamming both fists into the ground and clearing three at once.
Clown decoys popped intermittently throughout the maze, drawing stragglers into clusters that were erased seconds later.
After vanqueshing 50 or so lumberjacks something happened.
The hedges shook.
From the northern heart of the maze, something bigger emerged.
"Optional boss," The First Toy said cheerfully. "But rare drops require full commitment."
The hedges at the northern heart of the maze bowed outward.
Then split.
The Lumberjack Foreman emerged fully this time—towering, shoulders layered with splintered bark, beard knotted with nails and broken saw teeth. His axe dragged behind him, gouging a trench in the dirt as he stepped south into the clearing.
Zeke, still ghost-blue, phased east through a hedge to line up a strike.
Juile, still purple and massive, advanced north, fists raised.
The Foreman laughed—and slammed the broken haft of his axe into the ground.
The sky answered.
With a thundercrack, logs began to fall.
Not gently.
Massive timbers rained down from above, smashing hedges flat, embedding themselves into the ground, some shattering, others… stopping midair.
Floating.
"Is he—" Zeke started.
"—weaponizing forestry?" Juile finished.
They scattered.
Juile barreled west, smashing through a hedge as a log cratered where she'd been standing. Zeke shot north, phasing upward just as three logs slammed into the clearing in a staggered pattern.
The Foreman raised one massive arm and pulled.
Several of the fallen logs lurched upward, hovering like rough-hewn platforms.
The First Toy's voice echoed, delighted.
"Oh, that's new."
Zeke floated up to the first floating log platform, inspecting it.
Juile leapt east onto a second platform, the impact making it wobble.
The Foreman stomped south, swinging his axe in a wide arc. A shockwave rippled through the air, knocking Zeke backward. He barely phased through the edge of a log to avoid being crushed.
Then the potions burned out.
Zeke slammed back into solidity mid-fall, landing hard on a floating log with a yelp.
Juile shrank mid-leap, hitting another platform on her knees.
"Potions are out!" Zeke shouted.
The Foreman grinned.
This, apparently, was the point.
He slammed both fists together!
More logs fell—faster now, angrier—some embedding into hedges, others hovering at different heights, forming a jagged staircase into the sky.
The Foreman climbed northward, stepping onto a floating log as if it were solid ground.
Juile scrambled east to west across two platforms, firing upward, drawing his attention.
Zeke ran north along a hedge wall, climbed a fallen log ramp, then jumped up onto a higher floating platform, blasting downward at the Foreman's exposed back.
The boss roared and hurled his axe.
The weapon spun end over end, embedding itself into a floating log beneath Juile's feet and detonating it into splinters.
She dropped, rolled south, and came up firing.
"Okay," she said, breathless. "New plan: don't get hit by flying architecture."
Zeke noticed it first.
The logs weren't random.
"They're anchored to him!" he shouted, moving north and then east along the highest platform. "Every time he slams the ground!"
Juile nodded, already moving south, baiting the Foreman into another stomp.
He obliged.
Logs surged upward again—slower this time.
Zeke jumped downward from platform to platform, firing at the glowing cracks forming across the Foreman's shoulders.
Juile timed it, leaping north onto a newly risen log, sprinting straight at the boss.
She slid under a swing, grabbed a protruding nail in his armor, and pulled.
The bark shell cracked.
The Foreman staggered.
Zeke dropped from above, landing directly behind the boss, unloading everything he had.
Juile slammed both palms into the exposed core.
The Foreman froze.
Logs around them halted midair.
Then the boss collapsed inward, folding tighter and tighter until reality snapped shut around him.
The clearing went quiet.
A single object dropped into the grass at the center of the maze.
A small, perfectly detailed figurine lay there:
Lumberjack Foreman – Limited Edition
Poseable. Axe detachable. Smells faintly of pine.
The First Toy stepped forward, pleased.
"Excellent execution," he said. "Vertical hazards, adaptive terrain, and cooperative recovery after potion expiration. Textbook perfect-run behavior."
Zeke lay on his back on a floating log, staring at the sky. "I hate trees."
Juile picked up the toy, grinning. "On to the next achievement."
The logs dissolved.
The maze unraveled.
The run stayed perfect.
And somewhere deep in the game's systems, a new boss quietly marked them as dangerously thorough.The First Toy clapped once. Slowly.
The Exit Door appeared.
The First Toy's voice chimed, pleased.
"Achievement unlocked: Axemen Begone."
"Victims saved: All."
"Enemies remaining: Zero."
"Run status: Perfect."
Zeke solidified, wiping imaginary sweat from his forehead. "I could get used to that."
Juile picked up the collectible toy, smiling. "On to the next one."
The maze dissolved.